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Why is it so easy for him yet hard for me??

Tagged as: Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 February 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 5 February 2007)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My ex boyfriend let me down, he would break up with me constantly, and would just leave me wondering where he was and what he was doing. I chose to wait till I was married before getting intimate but he says that I didn't give him the things he needs. So can someone tell me why I stuck around even though he would let me down and upset me, but it's so easy for him to move on and tell me that we are not compatible just because I don't want to get intimate.

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A female reader, cd206 United Kingdom +, writes (5 February 2007):

cd206 agony auntI think us women always like to think we'll be the one to change a man. You did good though. You could have given in to his demands about how he needed sex. Although guys and girls like sex it's not as vital a need as he was making out. Don't beat yourself up for wanting things to be different and for holding on when they were bad. It shows great strength of character and means you'll be well equipped to deal with problems when you do find the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. Move on from that loser. You're worth so much more!

CD

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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom +, writes (5 February 2007):

AskEve agony auntWell done to you! :o) You have morals and you stood by them. Although you both wanted to be in a relationship together he wanted to go a step further and have a sexual relationship woth you. You stuck around in the hope that he would respect how you felt and wait, however his "needs" were more important than you were so he broke up with you.

It's sad but at the end of the day that's what relationships are all about, getting to know one another to see if you are both compatible. You were both probably compatible in many ways but his priorities were different from yours, that's all.

Maybe the "M" word scared him and he felt too young to settle down and the thought of having to wait for marriage was just too much for him and he couldn't do it. At least he was honest with you. You now need to move on and find someone who WILL share your morals. They are out there, you just have to dig deep to find them.

Take care

Eve

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007):

Perhaps you hoped that he would change and come round to your way of thinking? I don't know. It does sound as if you both wanted different things, however. You want to wait until you get married before being intimate; he doesn't want to wait. If he can not or will not accept your decision on this, and you can not accept his, then yes, you probably are incompatible.

Even more to the point is that you say he let you down and upset you. Not considerate behavior, to say the least.

Well, at this point he IS your EX. Therefore, perhaps you can see this as a learning experience i.e., you know what you DON'T want in your next relationship - and that's a good thing to have learned!

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A male reader, Kurt United States +, writes (5 February 2007):

Kurt agony aunt You owe him nothing physical or otherwise, he was just a BF and he owes you nothing.

It is better to walk away from a relationship then wasting time on a relationship that has no future.

If he comes back it is because your a warm place holder for the woman he is looking for and it is not you.

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