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female
age
41-50,
*ontstar
writes: I dont know what to do in this situation, my bf and i have been together for approx 2 months at the beginning he was loving and caring and wanted to spend time with me then i hurt him by saying i wasnt sure how i felt about my ex but realised it was just me letting go. my boyf has had bad previous reletionships and says that if someone hurts him he closes off his feelings to them and thats what happened he distanced himself from me just over the last two weeks and put a wall up, he told me that he loves me and im the best thing that ever happened to him but now says that he cant be with me cause his feelings have gone and that i am too good for him, the thing is that he put up a wal and wouldnt let me in and so he felt we were more like friends then lovers - but this was his doing, he has contradicted himself on many things so i dont know if its the truth or not. Just 3 days ago i asked if he still wanted to be with me and he said yes then on friday he came out with this. So i was really hurt as i love him so much i have left him alone and not even txtd and i saw him on sat night i was out in the clubs with the girls and he drove past twice in a row looking. He txt me this morning asking about a hotel i booked but i didnt reply, he sent another one an hour later saying "dnt answer me then" i dont know what to do as i want him back but only if hes going to give it 100% and im scared if i answer he will think im waiting around for him and will take advantage of that fact?
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female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (15 January 2007):
 So your boyfriend closed off his feelings to you because of insecurities that he picked up in previous relationships, but he still seems to think that you belong to him.
Logically he is not going to be a good partner if he's closed off, so you might as well take a chance on forcing him to make a choice.
Tell him you understand that his past experiences has made him afraid to open up to you, and that you're willing to work with him to make him overcome the difficulties, but you need to know that he will wholeheartedly try to be less paranoid.
If he doesn't want to give it a go he has no right to check up on you and should get out of your life.
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