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*r_m
writes: My girlfriend thinks I am to good for her, how do i convince her that I am not to good for her? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (30 June 2006):
 Bev's advice is really good. It is a long term project to help someone improve their self esteem, but you can help. Do remember though that at the end of the day only she can really truly build her self esteem.
People suffer from low self esteem usually because of problems in their childhood. Either their parents were overly critical, or they were not really loved, or there may have been abuse. You might want to talk (gently) about your girlfriends past to find out what the causes might be. Knowing that can help her and you overcome this.
I suggest you google 'low self esteem' and see what comes up. There's lots of good psychology information about ways to help people with low self esteem and how to deal with the issues positively. This site in particular I have found to be good on this subject: www.coping.org
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (30 June 2006):
 What's more likely than you being "too good for her" is that she feels she's not good enough for you. It's nothing you're doing; rather, it's her self-esteem, or lack of it.
She needs to know that she's a worthy person, and be reminded that she has an enjoyable personality. She needs to feel loved and wanted and attractive. Unfortunately, it isn't as easy as telling her those things.
It's a long-term project, but you can take it in baby steps.
Let her make some of the decisions for you as a couple. Remark how well things turn out when they do, but refrain from mentioning those that didn't work out.
Ask her advice on subjects she'd know about. Then take it.
Try your best to spontaneously notice that she looks nice, has a new outfit, got her hair styled and so forth. Smile and tell her she looks great.
I don't mean to suggest that you "butter her up"; quite the opposite. You want to recognise what she's doing right, and help her feel good about herself. Because when she feels good about herself, she won't feel that she's not good enough for you.
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