A
female
age
51-59,
*radu8
writes:I desperately need advice. I am in a relationship with someone that I am truly in love with. we have been together for two years. He says he loves me and we have plans for the long road. I recently discovered that he has been conversing with another woman....they may just be friends, but I also learned that he bought her a gift recently, nothing big, just a candle holder, should I be worried? I dont want to lose him. He has no idea that I know about these things and I cannot tell him because I would then give up my position and be unable to find out if something is really going on.please help me?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, gradu8 +, writes (26 August 2007):
gradu8 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for you advise! I will be watching this very closely! I believe there might be something to it, but I cant say anything yet. Its gonna break my heart if its true.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): Continue to watch him. If you confront him now, if he is doing something you will never know. Give him enough rope to hang himself with. Due to the fact that he is talking with her, he doesn't think that he will ever be caught. Chances are that he is doing something he shouldn't be doing because he hasn't let you know that he is talking to her. Believe me, he'll screw up soon because he thinks he's getting away with something and when he does this is when you take appropriate action. If you confront him with not enough evidence, he'll deny everything and blow it off like it's no big deal. Heck, you can have all of the evidence in the world and he'll probally still try to make you seem as if your the one whose crazy. Don't believe it, the heart never lies and there are always signs. Has his behavior changed, has he started to hide his cellular phone, does he shower as soon as he gets home, has he began to stay out later and later? So on an so forth. The main thing is here, you have to figure out what you want to do. If you feel that he's doing something wrong you best follow your gut instincts. Many people are in denial when a spouse cheats and misses many tell tell signs. The handwriting is on the wall you just have to read it and absorb it. Why is he buying another woman a candle holder in the first place and why didn't you know anything about it? There shouldn't be anything to hide if it's just a simple gift. What else did he buy her. Check those cell phone records and get that phone number girl stick to his ass like white on rice. Something smells fishy. Although, I could be wrong. I completely feel that if it looks like a duck quacks like a duck you know the rest. Good luck! Hope this helps you. Oh prepare your emotions because it hurts like hell to find out the one you love cheated on you especially when you've been completely faithful. Time heals all wounds in whatever you do!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): don't give up your hand yet or he will cover his tracks better. you want to find out for sure what's going on. he could very well be 'just friends' and you wouldn't have to give away that you snooped on him, which would make him angry and if he is innocent, why start an arguement?
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A
male
reader, daglish  +, writes (26 August 2007):
 Thats exactly where u might easily blow it all. pliz honey unless u have reason to suspect he is creeping on you just dont tamper with the panic button. Men can appear desparate to wed the love of their life but make no mistake, not all are desparate to lose any of their other female friends. So this could just have been a freindly gesture by your sweetheart to one of his long time buddies and u shdnt read much into it. Afterall when a person is determined to cheat he can even sleep with his bride's metrone on the wedding day. But its important that you let him know of your fears in a way that you think wont hurt him..okay?
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A
male
reader, DJ8433 +, writes (26 August 2007):
 You're right not to give up your position. You should be concerned, don't worry, you appear to be in control of you quite well. You obviously don't want to throw 2 years and love away based on a whim. How is it that you came to know about her and the gift?
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A
female
reader, Butterflyfly  +, writes (26 August 2007):
 I think you should tell him about your worries. If he is here for the long run then this kind of honesty is needed for a relationship to work. If he tells you he is uncomfortable or suffocated by your 'irreasonable' worries and you should guard your insecurities as they are not real, or somehitng among those lines, then you know he is not REALLY there for you. It's not like both of you are 17 and confused, you both are adults and I'm sure he can understand oyur worries and is capable of dealing with them in in a mature manner. You can't lose something that oyu never had... So ask him, what is really going on, and tell him about how it makes it feel. His explanations can either soothe you or show you the reality.... Best of luck . xxx
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