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He says he CAN'T marry me!!!

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 October 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 7 November 2010)
A female India age 36-40, *onaly writes:

i trust him but he broke my trust but now I'm very worried what to do? i have to marry someone else but please please tell me how can i hide this from my futur husband that I'm not virgin. plssss plsss dont say that i should tell him the truth.... this is the only thing which i cant do...

please give some suggestion its the ques of my life.... i really need your help ...

can vaginal tightning cream work... or i should go for surgery but i dont want to do any surgery...

i can use cream... please tell me something which will really workkk in my case.....

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A male reader, Latino201 United States +, writes (7 November 2010):

Let you in on a secret. Most men cannot tell if a woman is a virgin or not! Some women don't even bleed. But more concerned with your stance on lying to your man. A relationship is based on trust.. not your vagina. If you believe he will leave you because you are not a virgin, then he will one day leave you for a virgin, if he is that obsessed with it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010):

I didn't bleed the first time I had sex. I think a lot of women don't. And other than the blood, there is no way to tell if you're a virgin or not on your wedding night. It sounds like you don't have much experience, so you'll still seem very unsure and inexperienced to your husband on your wedding night. Honestly, you will be just as tight now as you were before - only having a baby will change how tight you are.

If you have a choice in the matter, try to marry a nice gentle man who seems to care for you and doesn't get angry or jealous, so when there's no blood, he won't go jumping to conclusions.

The surgery to repair the hymen is very severe, so please try and avoid it if you can. Lots of women break their hymen accidentally when they're still virgins, by playing sport, riding horses or any other activities. Then there's no blood when they have sex for the first time. Could you tell your husband something like this has happened to you? I didn't even notice mine breaking or see any blood, but it must have happened sometime while I was still a virgin. Do you have any female friends your age who you would trust enough to talk about this with? They might have their own experiences that they're too afraid to talk about to anyone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010):

I agree, virginity can not be undone. The surgery is the only way to restore the hymen, but the virginity will always be gone. Be honest with your future spouse. If for cultural reasons you need to be a virgin on your wedding night,ie. honor killing, surgery is the only way to go to restore the hymen. Good luck.

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A female reader, Princess_Rae United Kingdom +, writes (5 October 2010):

Princess_Rae agony auntSonaly,

Virginity is the one thing you can't undo. I do not know what is causing your anxiety about not being a virgin, but what ever it is you need to realize that some acts cannot be undone. There is not cream nor medicine that will restore your hymen. I think that their might be a surgery but even then it is insane to undergo.

I hope you find the courage to talk to him, which even you know is the advise we will all give you.

Love,

Princess Rae

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