A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and I broke up a couple of weeks ago. We were great together we were dating for about 4 years he knew very well I wanted to get married he always told me to give him some time.....he said if he wanted to be married it would be with me but he wasn't sure if he was the marrying type (whatever that means) we got into an argument and he said that maybe we want 2 different things in life and I would be happier without him in the long run. He couldn't handle me crying he said we'll talk soon but this whole marriage thing was stressing him out he got so upset because I was crying so much that he hung up the phone and that was it... I haven't heard from him since. Will he change his mind about marriage? prior to this a couple of weeks ago I had a light talk about marriage and he agreed with me that it wasn't fair and that after a couple of nights sleep on the topic we'll regroup and come to a compromise that we'll both be happy with. I honestly don't know what freaks him out we loved one another. I really thought he was the one. Ijust wanted to know if he will change his mind and if there's anything I can do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): hi livelaughlove,
Yes from my understanding we did break up he said ''maybe we want 2 different things in life'' earlier this week I got a txt from him basically stating '' that I miss u tons I don't know what to say if I call..i love u I just need time to think'' I didn't reply then I got a call he basically he said ''i miss u I don't know what to say'' I said well ''i'm kinda in limbo'' he said '' I know I just need time..can we have dinner'' I said ''as friends'' he said ''no I mean yes I mean I don't know you're right it's weird'' he said ''i'll call u soon not a like a month or anything'' what do I do?
A
female
reader, livelaughlove23  +, writes (12 April 2011):
Don't be humilated. There was something on your mind and you called him and there's Nothing wrong with that. He was sleeping--no worries. Who wants to talk when their half asleep, anyways? Not me :)
When you said is it really over? did you and him break up?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): hi it's me again Help Me!! I think I made a mistake and called him in the middle of night he was semi irritated because I was asked him one serious question ''it is really over'' he said I'm not talking about this right now I'm sleeping....i'm humiliated how do I make things ok?? Please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): Thanks for your reply. I definitely know its fear based. the thing is that his parents are still married, but he had a hard childhood with them there was a lot of fighting and basically his parent turned their back on him at a very young age, there's a lot of resentment on his side this this day he's 34yrs old. I know he loves me but refuses to grow up. he would rather go through the fear of losing me than overcoming the fear of marriage. It hurts immensely. I refuse to compromise being a wife it's been a dream of mine to be a wife and mother since i was a little girl, and he knew this. he has told me in the past that if he told me that he wasn't ready for marriage that i would leave him and that scares him. as soon as the marriage topic would heat up and put us on a verge to make a decision we would drop it and just be with each other until i got another itch to bring it up. I really hope he opens his eyes and realizes what he will be losing sooner than later. He knows I love him unconditionally (but maybe i don't if the only condition i have is marriage) he is my first love, and I don't know how i can make this happen. i'm torn i dont know if i should have hope he will come around or if i should live life thinking it's over.
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female
reader, Love Mama +, writes (7 April 2011):
 Dear Brokenhearted Canadian Girl,I think you are a limited commodity... and he needs to realize that. You are deserving of love, marriage, kids...everything you've ever wanted...but hanging around someone that doesn't realize your worth isn't going to get you to your dreams. When a man loves a woman... a true, deep love... he will want to be sure that nobody else has the chance to steal her away from him. He will want to run after you until he catches you and keeps you forever. Don't settle for anything less and don't let this fellow get in your way of the right man coming along...because if your current fella doesn't realize how awesome you are, somebody else will. Live your life as you want to, don't wait for anyone, enjoy every minute and let love find you... and when it does, he will jump in with both feet.Love Mamaxox
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male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (7 April 2011):
HiNo doubt this is mostly a fear based reaction, maybe to do with his perception of marriage, or what happens when u marry or having kids etc. Even though its been a couple of weeks, I would give it another week or two and then if he hasnt contacted you, then you ask him to meet you for coffee and a chat.Also I would start thinking about yourself. Are you able to give up your childhood dreams of getting married at some point to be with this person? What is your minimum negotiation point, you might find you dont need to get married. At the end of your life, what is really going to matter as your sitting in your rocking chair, that you got married or that your sitting with the man of your dreams with whom you can still talk and laugh with. I now which one I'd have - switching the man for a woman in my case! :)
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A
female
reader, livelaughlove23 +, writes (7 April 2011):
Just the thought of marriage scares a lot of people. Marriage is a serious step, forward. (Let's not even consider divorce, because marriage is suppose to be forever). What do YOU think is the reason behind him thinking he's not the marrying type? Are his parents divorced? Has he ever seen a marriage last? Does he have self-esteem issues? Also--how old is he?Perhaps he is scared to fail at being a good husband to you? Marriage comes with expectations and a whole bunch of other things--maybe he feels like he's just not ready and is starting to feel pressured. One day, I'm sure he will want to marry you-but please make sure you do not pressure him in any way,because I'm sure that at the end of the day when he does propose, you want to feel secure in knowing that it was truly because he wanted to propose and not because you kept bringing it up and he didn't want to lose you because of him taking forever to take that step, forward.I think you should give him more time....enjoy the time u and him spend together...let it all happen in time and let him know that he can take all the time he needs--and let him know that you think he would make a wondferful husband!
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