A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I can't believe my boyfriend just told me that he is 'JUST NOT THAT KIND OF PERSON WHO WOULD CALL HIS GIRLFRIEND EVERY DAY!' He would felt like he is reporting to me if he has to, it's not necessary and why would he? After a while, a big discussion. He sighted and said: "If you REALLY insist.. I guess I could call you once a day(but I don't really want to)" I thought, if it's soo much trouble for you to call me then you're not the one. Am i right? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, EBM2008  +, writes (12 July 2009):
 Please don't make the mistake of making your boyfriend call you. I tell you sincerely and from experience that this will only make him feel like it's a duty and it will NOT produce what you want. He wants to call you when he feels like talking to you and misses you as opposed to because he has to. Out of those two situations, during which one do you think he will be sweeter and better to talk to?
Girly, I have a man and he loves me just as much as I love him, but I have learned not to tell him when to call you and set it that way.
He told me that it makes him think that I am needy, and frankly we argue a lot more frequently when I have him call me. I learned that men don't like feeling like they have a leash around them. I understand that as females we need more affection and reassurance, but unfortunately this is not the way to go about it.
Avoid arguments like the ones I had because of that--they let to a break-up that we are trying to reverse when I get back in town for college next month!
If he calls out of the blue, it will be more meaningful. Please give him his space. Trust me, it will work so much better than you imagined!
A
male
reader, Mat_auw  +, writes (11 July 2009):
 Dear Anonymous,
The first thing I'd like to say is to try not to jump to conclusions as yet. And if you really think about it, it appears that your relationship has at least developed to the extent that your boyfriend is comfortable to open up to you about his true self and feelings! Trust me, it is a milestone actually worth celebrating. If your boyfriend really continues to just go along cheerfully and very obediently with all your wishes something is suspicious, because no relationship is 100% perfect. As the saying goes, there will always be some give and take...
How often a couple call each other really depends on the unique situation of the couple indeed. Some call more than once a day, while on the other extreme some get to call each other only once every year (at one stage in my relationship I could only afford to call my girlfriend once a month)!!
I'm wondering what you all talked about in your big discussion. Did you get to hear his side of the story and did he get to hear your side of the story? Do you really need him to call you everyday to feel properly loved and cared for? Was it more a feeling rather than an actual order that you were expressing to him? Perhaps what you really wanted to say was how much you miss him and would like to hear from him as and when he can afford the time to do so?
Bottomline, and speaking from my guy's point-of-view, guys like to feel needed and appreciated but not ordered around. Hold him too tightly and he will feel smothered. Thank him very clearly whenever he does call and his ego will feel so good whenever he calls you that he will no longer feel it a chore to do so, and might start calling more often! Try it and see what happens. Acknowledge his efforts instead of his faults. Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (11 July 2009):
Yes, as your boyfriend he should want to. You shouldn't have to "force" him and he shouldn't feel like it's a chore to talk to you. I really don't think this relationship will last or that you'll be very happy in the long run.
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