A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I was in a relationship with a guy for two years and we discussed commitment and seemed very happy.As soon as we discussed commitment he said he saw a future for us, kept saying he loved me and then out of the blue seemed to freak out and left me abruptly with no real explanation.Obviously I was shocked as we were so happy and other people were surprised because of how happy we seemed too. For a while I was trying to get answers but he wouldn't give me direct answers contradicting himself saying he still had feelings for me and missed me but just couldn't see us together (just last month he said this two months on) which didn't make sense, and it wasn't about commitment but it was as he didn't see it on the horizon!So I asked to meet him a few weeks ago to see if we could talk it through and if I could get some answers/ closure which I think he owed me after two years of a deeply loving relationship. He left the girl he lived with for me which should've told me then he was a commitment phobe - but in response to my text he sent a nasty one about me meant for his friend to me by 'accident' and then was very horrible to me and refused to meet me. That same evening he went into our friends house and asked how I am which I thought was strange given he'd sent those texts that day.Anyway he seems to be going out of his way to make me hate him and I don't know why. He was never such a horrible person to me whilst we were together and I haven't endlessly chased him and said I was done trying to make him see after those texts. Anyway I found out he has a new girlfriend already after only three months even though he said that he wanted to be single and he shouldn't have rushed into a relationship with me straight after his last one so what has he done again! Pure commitment phobe but he doesn't see that so it's like he's transferring it onto me. When I found out (from a friend not from him of course even though we work together so obviously I'm going to see him and he knew I still loved him so he could've put an end to those feelings by telling me himself) I felt I should be told if it was while he was still with me as per the ex he left for me sitiation.But he hasn't even acknowledged me not even to say sorry, confirmed or denied whether it was still with me or not - it's like he wants me to hate him or think the worst of him and I don't really understand why.I know it's over and quite frankly as I do want commitment and clearly he's not able to give that as he goes from girl to girl and can't be on his own, then obviously he can't give me what I want but what I don't understand is why he had to be so horrible to me when we split (he said awful things) and is being so horrible now, refusing to talk to me (as he he doesn't feel like justifying himself again - I'm not asking him to, I just want a few answers) and why he couldn't tell me he's met someone else or answer me himself - why feel the need to be so horrible to me - does anyone have any ideas?I said a couple of times that if he didn't want commitment then I would end the relationship and he always said he did see a future for us, even two weeks before he left me! So why couldn't he just be honest so I could've walked away? Then we might have been friends and it would've been a lot easier to deal with him at work.Why seemingly go out of his way to make me think the worst of him? Surely it's better to answer me and tell me if it wasn't whilst he was me?I just feel lied to and don't know what to think anymore and I'm paranoid at work seeing people with him thinking is that her etc - I just think for the two years we were together and the fact that you do love someone after that time then surely I deserve a little bit of gentler treatment and some answers? Why be so horrible to me? It's almost like he's still bothered by me.Any advice would be great as I am driving myself mad here. Confused and hurt
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): You my sister have been had! Hoodwinked! Bambozzled, lead astray! Run a muck!
You should thank the almighty you never had kids with this jerk of a nothing burger.
FORGET THIS JERK GUY! You shoud have dropped him like a BAD HABBIT long time ago. There are too many fish in the sea.
Unfortunantley you caught and eel. Go for the tuna next time.
'Sister'- Hold you head high and keep strutting. The way to get over one man is to get you another one.
A
female
reader, Dojha +, writes (23 July 2007):
 hey, you should stop feeling confused and hurt because he is not worth all that trouble. He is obviously a person that is unable to commit and that's not something that you can personally change. You are still young and beutiful, feel confident about yourself and enjoy life without him because there is plenty more fish in the sea. You deserve happiness so ignore his nastiness.I wish you all the best. write us again at dear cupid to tell us how you're doing.
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A
female
reader, RUSTUPID  +, writes (23 July 2007):
of course you cant turn your feelings on and off like a faucet. It is hard to get over someone you were with for 2 years but you are going to have to cause he has. He just doesnt care. You cant make him and you will never figure it out. It is time to move on. When you find the right man for you you wont have to talk about commitment.. he wont run from you. He will do all the talinkig and he will chase you. LIFE IS TOO SHORT to be pondering on some guy who doesnt want to be with you any more. He isnt worth it. move on.
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