A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I travelled to France with a study abroad program this summer. We were all assigned 'buddies' and mine seemed very sweet and helpful. I rarely saw him and eventually found out he had a girlfriend who had the same name as me. I was shocked that he was in a relationship but that basically ended my fantasies. Two months later, he came to US for his graduate program which is a year long. The first day he arrived he came to my dorm and we drank all night long. I got extremely drunk and practically made a fool out of myself. I apologized and he seemed to understand and didn't really male a big deal about it. We continued to hang out.. He met my brother and most of my friends. We went on various trips and took him to different restaurants. Within two weeks he told menus was interested in me. He said the fact that we were hanging out a lot he really fell for me. He continued to tell me an kept kissing me. He gave me too much attention and was very sweet . I told him he had a girlfriend, but he said it was okay. I told him no.. But usHanging out and texting all the time didn't help things at all. I wound up falling for him. I eventually confessed I liked him. We went to a club and I didn't control myself and wound up kissing him. We gave each other hickies and we continued to see each other everyday. We would meet up every night after his classes. We would be in his room or in my car.I finally told him this couldn't continue because he was still in a relationship. He told me that he couldn't break up with her because she had already bought her tickets to come see him the following week. We agreed that he'd break up with her once she left. The day before she arrived we went over a Lakehouse and slept together. I have only slept with one guy in my entire life so me sleeping with him was meaningful for me. I really did fall for him. My question though is could I have fallen in love with him within 2 months? We all hung out as a group when his girlfriend and my ex-boyfriend arrived from France. He ditched his girlfriend completely to be with me. I felt terrible once the girlfriend notice. She got extremely wasted and left. He remained at the bar with me and my friends but eventually everyone pressed him and told him why he wasn't with his girlfriend. He finally left without saying anything but I heard everything and knew he was leaving to go see her cause apparently she was extremely wasted. We didn't talk for the remaining time and then we eventually talked bout us and he told me to back off because he's going to work things out with his girlfriend and he won't break up with her anymore. I was crushed and told him I'm glad the truth is out . He assumed I meant I was goin to tell his girlfriend and he told me he has already done that the night she saw me and him. I felt terrible and apologized to the girl. She told me she wanted to meet in person. I agreed. Minutes before we met up she confessed that she never knew about me and him.. She suspected but he had never told her anything. So me apologizing meant that was the first time she heard of the truth. I called him to tell him I accidentally spilled the beans, but he was in a rush to class that he didn't talk. I felt Terrible and told her verything except for the sleeping together part. She wasn't too upset. She didn't go crazy. She was just shocked how all that happened because apparently he always told her he wanted to marry her. And they've both met each others parents. I didn't know what else to do. He was mad at me and texted me thanks. I told him I tried warning him by calling him. I havent spoken to Him since. I feel like hes back with his girlfriend but I'm not too sure. They both stopped talking to me. My ex boyfriend doesnt seem to care much but since he's best friends with her and hates the GUY then he kinda stays distant now. Everything is so difficult now. The sad part is that I still think of him. I really enjoyed every moment I was with him. He meant a lot to me. The reason why I went along with this was I thought there was a chance things would work out between us. I figured he was so sincere with me. He was so adorable and attentive. He treated me like his girlfriend, he was sweet, he was my ideal guy. All my friends and brother loved him.. I feel like he was all a lie and joke. But then I feel if I would have gone along with it for a little bit longer I could have won his heart. But then how can I treat myself that low? .. I don't know .. I'm so confused I don't know if I should even try to make peace with him. I don't know why he'd do that do me if he claims he really liked me this much and slept with me. He obviously couldnt love his girlfriend if he did this, but then he obviously didn't care about me either. :/
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best friend, crush, drunk, kissing, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for this help! Im ashamed and upset about all of this. I guess what makes me more upset is the fact that he didn't learn his lesson. He got what he wanted in the end because he's still with his girlfriend.
Now, one last thing I forgot to mention. When he came to the US I added a line to my phone bill so he can have a cellphone. Now that we don't talk... Im not sure if I should go ask him for the monthly payments or if I should send someone . Cancelling the line is not an option because it costs 200$ for the cancellation and then 300$ for the price of the phone.
My brother still talks to him... Should I just send him?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): He lied to get what he wanted. It happens. He's a scumbag.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 Learning experience.
You have learned :
- some people lie. Don't believe everything you are told by someone whom you have just met- particularly when his actions do not match his words
- some people cheat without any particular hesitation. Don't help a cheater to cheat.
- it's much wiser to stay away from "taken " guys. Sure, some people will leave their old partner for a new one- but not so often as you may believe. Man is a creature of habit, they need a STRONG motivation to make changes. It's easier if you don't even need to bring those changes about.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): Hiya
I can only form a judgement on this so maybe my advice may apply, but I may judge them wrong. Please take what you can from what I say, I hope I can help even a little!
I think this guy just took advantage of the oppertunity to be with another girl because he knew his girlfriend wouldn't find out. He was in another country thousands of miles away from her.
He probably can't have loved his girlfriend when he cheated on her, but I don't think he could have loved you either-he slept with you before his girlfriend visited and you can guarantee he knew he would be sleeping with her while she was here
I'm so sorry you were treated like that and he made you feel like he wanted to be with you and then drops you like that. The best advice would be to start trying to move on from him. I wouldn't bother making peace with him I would just leave it as it is. Maybe in time you might say hi to each other but you don't want to chase after him. He's made his choice so leave him with that.
In all honesty would you really want to be with him anyway? He'd told his girlfriend he wanted to marry her and then sleeps with you. If you were with him would you ever trust him not to cheat on you? You met him by being the girl he cheated with so it doesn't start a relationship well anyway.
Good luck in the future I hope you find happiness with someone you can trust and who loves you.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 "I don't know why he'd do that do me if he claims he really liked me this much and slept with me."
Some guys will say anything to get sex... Learn from this.
He's a scumbag.
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