A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A guy friend of mine and I live far apart and have only met a couple of times. Initially, he was into me as a girlfriend, but I was on the fence about it (because we don't know one another very well in a physical space) and he had other issues that are preventing him from being in a relationship with me. I asked him to quit speaking to me until x time, but after about a two week break, he began to speak to me again. Slowly things progressed back to where they were and now he rings me almost daily, speaks to me daily, finds excuses to give me a ring, etc. I am visiting his area in a few weeks and every time we speak, he tells me how excited he is to see me and what he's planning to do when we're there. He's also fairly flirty with me and calls me beautiful.However, the situation that prevents him from being in a relationship has not changed and I'm not entirely sure about him either. I don't want to be dramatic since things already "ended" once fairly dramatically, but I'm also wondering why someone would do this if they didn't have feelings and weren't interested in doing something sexually? The issues also extend to participating in a sexual relationship...anything beyond friendship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, his situation may change, but I'm not holding my breath.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): 'The issue is not another person necessarily'
Ok, well in that case this man has problems, I mean 3 hour conversations just to hold your attention...but your just a friend..he can't have a relationship with you hmmm
Why would you want to waste your time with him unless you think his situation whatever it is, may change. Yea he likes you but its bizarre behaviour towards a friend,almost child-like
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 January 2012):
 Then don't. I mean, sit on the phone for 3 hours talking. He sends you mixed signals because you let him. If you don't, he will have either to contain his behaviour in the limits proper to an actual friendship, or solve his issues and turn this into something more. Or, maybe, exiting of scene. Which, since the way things are now , time consuming and leading nowhere, it's would not be such a big loss anyway.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 January 2012):
 Seems to me that he likes you, but not enough to date you seriously, yet he keeps you busy from pursuing someone more available?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): If there are issues preventing him from having a physical relationship or any relationship with you (is he married?)
then what on earth is the point in investing so much time on him.If this 'situation' isn't going to change then you know where you stand.
I think you need to back off a bit, treat him as you would a girlfriend, as others say you wouldn't be spending hours at a time on the phone with one of them..Its not being dramatic its being in control of the situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe issue is not another person necessarily.
However, he claims we are just friends, but then acts like this. Sometimes he says he needs something and then will call me to talk about that and we'll sit on the phone for 3 hours talking about everything else.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (17 January 2012):
Would not the issues preventing him from being in a sexual or emotional relationship with you would be him having a wife or steady gf by any chance ?...
Anyway, if, for whatever reason these issues won't go away, I'd stop wasting my time on this " friend ". I mean, clearly this has already gone beyond the limits of a regular friendship - would you spend 3 hours daily on the phone with a same sex friend ? ( Unless you are 14 ). Would you flirt with her, or LET her flirt with you ?... No ? Then, why has it to be different with a male FRIEND. If either one ,or both ,wants or allows this state of things to go on, you are playing with fire ( emotions may be stirred up, expectations be raised ) AND wasting your time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEvery time I mention a guy, he asks if he is interested in me as well....it's weird.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't want to give too much information, but he cannot have a sexual relationship or an emotional relationship with me and has stated a couple months ago that this could only be friendship. After a short break, he began contacting me again full force....I'm talking three hour conversations everyday which he initiates.
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (17 January 2012):
You really need to spell out exactly what it is that is preventing him from having a sexual relationship.
So, you are going to let this continue on just because you don't want to be "dramatic".
Sometimes, to solve a problem, we have to do what we are least willing to do to solve it. That is why it is a problem, a simple fear of the solution.
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