A
female
age
41-50,
*illady55
writes:Hiya everyone !, Im writin for some advice because for the past 6 weeks my 3 children have been off school for the summer holidays, and i also have my nephew during the school holidays so i've been stuck in the house most days. I have been really stressed and bored. Last week they finally went back (hooray), as i had been in the house alot i had put on a bit of weight so i decided to join a ladies only gym (as i thought this would be less of a problem to my b.f than a unisex one) to lose a bit of weight. I only did an hour but intended to go a few times a week. When my b.f came home from work and i told him he wasnt very happy sayin "he wished he had time to go to the gym" i said "you could go after work" but he said he would be far to tired after a hard days work. He seemed a bit off with me for the rest of the night. I had already arranged with my friend to go swimmin the next day but didnt mention it in case he moaned even more. After swimmin my b.f rang my mobile so i told him id been. He came home from that work that night havin digs at me sayin i had been "galavantin" about with my mate and had done nothin all day. I was really annoyed as I get up early to get my 3 children ready for school and walk them there. I make sure the house is tidy, do all the washing and have his tea ready for him, his bath ran etc for when he gets in from work. I sort out all the bills and my day doesnt really end till i go to bed and i spend most of the weekend cookin and doin laundry while he lays about watchin tv. I have looked in to gettin a job but child care will use it all up and when the kids are off school it would be a fortune, plus the housework wouldnt get done. My friends all say he is being unreasonable and they all go out durin the day but my b.f resents it and makes my feel guilty if im not in the house all day. I just would like some advice as to what to do about it or what to say to him. THX.X Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (10 September 2007):
 This advise in an in general relationship advise. No body had the right to dictate to someone else what to do, and where to spend there time. A relationship is two people "choosing" to spend time together because it benefits them, and they want to share with another. It doesn't give either one rights over the other person. It sounds as if he is displaying controlling behaviors. If this continues or if they increase you may have to relocate yourself and your children. You're doing nothing wrong by going out with friends, and joining the club. The fact he doesn't want to after work is his choice. That doesn't mean he should be making it where you can't.
A
female
reader, lillady55 +, writes (9 September 2007):
lillady55 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hiya, im just respondin to trevs reply. I asked him if he is happy at work and he says he is, he has recently changed his job to one he enjoys. He also sometimes even gets funny with me if im on the p.c. Im just sick of feelin guilty if im doin somethin that doesnt revolve around him. We have been togehter 10 years he is 18 years older than me.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (9 September 2007):
If the house resembles a pig sty, the kids have no attention, no cooking, washing, and you show no time for the boyfriend then he may have a point but this is not the situation here - not by a long way.
Your boyfriend comes across as if the whole world should revolve around him and that he may also be a bit chauvanist and maybe arrogant and self centred.
If you are doing everything you say then you sound like someone who keeps the house very efficiently and cares a great deal for the family around her. You sound like a great lady that would be a lucky find for many a bloke out there.
Maybe he should have a go at running the house as well - maybe on a Saturday or a Sunday when he is at home - it may do him a lot of good if he realised that what you do is very hard work and it is NOT galovanting around.
You need to tell him that he cannot make demands on you like this if he is serious about making this relationship work.
This is just a thought but maybe he is not happy at work and needs to change his occupation into something he would be more content doing. I suggest this because he seems envious of you doing anything that you may enjoy doing.
Just talk and do a lot of it. You may find something unearth itself that could be worked out and improved upon.
Trev
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A
female
reader, shoe_lover +, writes (8 September 2007):
 you are your own women, i feel sorry for you , just cos ur a mum you are not a house bound ,or a cook or cleaner , going to the gym is ur chillout time , maybe he should help around the house for a change , go on strike lol , Put your foot down!!
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