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female
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anonymous
writes:I need some advice/help/opinions...I am 18 years old, have only had one serious bf who I recently broke up with, despite having feelings for him, it wasnt a healthy relationship for me to be in.Anyway...my best friend right, has the most perfect bf ever! I would love for somoene like him (note: I do not want to go out with my friends bf...i just want somoene SIMILAR to him). What gets me though is why on earth is he going out with her?He is a guy of high values and morals, with similar ones to mine. My frined however barely has any morals or values, she treats him pretty badly and fairly often lacks respect for him. In fact she honestly treats him like my ex bf treated me- abusivly.It hurts me so much to see my friends bf go through this. Lately we have started talking lots and he has been opening up to me about all their relationship issues. I feel like I should be advising him to break up with her because the way she treats him just isnt fair and he deserves SO MUCH more. However I feel I cant say this because its my friends bf! If she ever found out I was advising her bf to dump her...well there goes our friendship. I dont understand why he is going outwith a girl like her...and not someone like me? What has she got that i dont have? It just confuses me because (not to sound up myself here) but I feel like I could be a better gf...The only reason I can think of why he may stay with her is because hes really insecure and doesnt realise he could do much better...So my questions are:- why would he stay with someone who treats him so badly? when he could clearly do better...whats so good about her that makes her worthy of his love?-should i think about advising my friends bf to break up with her? i just feel so bad seeing him in such a bad relationship like i was. -how can i find a guy like my frineds bf? i cant seem to find one :( i feel hopeless and like it will never happen. I miss having somene to hug and to not want to let go. i miss having someone to tell everything too. i misss so much of the relationship stuff!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks SOOOO much! you made a lot of sense :) really apreciate your replying. thanks again!
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reader, rcn  +, writes (10 September 2007):
 You seem as if you are a nice caring person. Morality has decreased so much over the years.
I'll answer your questions, but first promise yourself something. Never allow yourself to compromise your morals.
First: People stay with people sometimes because of comfort. Take her bf, he's someone with morals, people with morals respect the relationship they are in, and try to work on things. Sometimes waiting around for the other person to change.
No, I don't think advising him to break up is a good idea, that puts you in the "she told me to do it" zone. That's where you don't want to be. You can be firm with him too. Let him know that change is not overnight. NO ONE can make someone change, so how long is he really willing to wait to be happy.
There is more people who live without morals than with morals. Look for moral characteristics in people. What they do, where they go, the group of people the associate with. If you were immoral, it wouldn't take long for you to hook up, so be willing to wait it out to find the right person for you. As long as you stick to being a moral person, someone with the same qualities will come along.
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