A
female
age
30-35,
*ss18
writes:my boyfriend of 3 years refuses to stop smoking pot. we have argued and argued about it. when we got together he had only smoked it a few times and so had i so it was fine. then about a year ago he started smoking non stop. all day it seemed like, he has a good job but would spend almost all his weekly money on pot. so he would be broke and on top of that he acts differnt, his whole mood changes. if were together he just wants sex and if were not he is hatefull about everything and then wonders why i dont talk to him. i know pot isnt addictive but i feel like he has a problem. everytime i convince him to stop he makes excuses like ohh im only going to on the weekend or oh only before work. and so on. i honestly have nothing against pot but not when he uses it every day and has no money and is in a bad mood. i dont know what to do. i told him today that iv had it and its me or pot, because he can seem to control it. i wouldnt mind if he used it in moderation but he doesnt. and the way his little drug dealers are he is probably going to go to jail. please help any advice on what to do ? and also when i said its me or pot he acted like it didnt matter. how can i get him to stop?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): No offence but I think the angle of most of the responses are a load of rubbish.
I think your being a bit melodramatic to try and get attention and make his pot issue seem like such a big drama.
Really why are you dragging his wanting sex into it? He's a bit peeved off that you wont give him any and you blame pot? This has been an age old problem and sorry if you really think him wanting sex and you not wanting him to give it, and him getting moody is purely about marijuana well I think not... I think its a bigger issue likely to do with both your communication skills and your personalities.
WHy do you have such a problem with pot? You barely state anything bad he has done. ANd if you want money why don't you get a job? Why shouldn't he spend some money on something he is passionate about, should he dump you because you like to spend your money on shopping?
Weed is not the problem but it is frequently scapegoated.. Oh it must be the weed. If you mention the other person smoked weed then obviously the person that smokes weed is in the wrong, and everything is do with the evil, mind destroyng weed.
I've been smoking it for over 20 years, I have many breaks but I like to have it a lot. Weed is never the primary reason a relationship breaks up, personality and psychological issues are always key.
A
female
reader, tss18 +, writes (9 July 2010):
tss18 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you all for your advice. i will suggest rehab, if he still cant stop, ill just leave.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (9 July 2010):
 Nothing you can do honeypie... He chooses to smoke too much pot, he's hiding from life.
Try to keep him out of the house, hobbies, interests and entertainments that show him the life outside may make him realise what he's doing.
People abuse many things, daily smoking pot and wasting all your money can be classed as abused. It's not physically addicting, but it holds you mentally. He's forgotten what life is like, and if you stay with him, so will you...
Sorry.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 July 2010):
 "and also when i said its me or pot he acted like it didnt matter. how can i get him to stop?"
Just to add to all the other excellent advice and observations here, I need to point out the obvious. He picked pot. Not you.
You can't get him to stop, that's the sad truth.
I have to point something else out, that may sound mean, but is intended to be a wake up call for you.
You're expecting him to snap out of it and wake up to the truth.
We're expecting YOU to snap out of it and wake up to the truth. You're as addicted to him as he is to pot, if you can't break up with him, if you can't see the truth yourself.
He's not going to change. Only you can change, by not not being with him any more.
The sooner you end it, the sooner you can recover and start to figure out your next steps.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 July 2010):
I think it's pretty cleat that he's not going to stop. He needs professional help to get rid of this addiction, and in no way is he willing to get it. A man must be willing to change for himself. No one else can change him. He won't change for you, you won't change him. That's it. So, either you need to get on and accept he won't change, or you need to leave. You can't make someone change. They must change for themselves. And if they won't change, you're wasting your time.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (9 July 2010):
 Honey, pot is addictive! Not physically like heroin or alcohol, but it is psychologically addictive. And the mind is a very powerful thing. It sounds like smoking pot for him has become a serious habit. I have been in his situation. I would smoke spliffs like other people would smoke cigarettes. It can take over your life. It can seem like its a fine thing to do, that it's sociable and not a destructive force. But pot has many, many adverse effects on the brain and a life. It slows you down, drains your motivation, wrecks your short term memory, brings on schitzoaffective dissorders, and can make you seriously paranoid and delusional. I myself suffered from a psychosis, induced by pot and had to spend 4 months in a mental hospital. I didn't ever think that would happen to me when I was happily smoking away with my friends! But it did. It can happen to anyone, if you smoke too much pot. You never know whether your biolgically succeptable to it or not.
As well as the physiological issues, it can wreck your life. You can spend all your money on it, and you think it's worth it! You dont have the motivation to do anything else, except smoke pot. It slows down your brain so if you have to work or study, you won' do as well as you would if you didn't smoke.
Sadly honey, you can't just et him to stop. If he's really hooked and its a habit he loves, you can't make him stop. Only he can make that decision. He has to realise that its not worth it. He needs to have a wake up call. At the moment he cannot see that it is ruining his life. You cannot tell him that, he won't be able to see.
If you are not happy being with this guy while he is a pot head, you need to think about leaving, seriously. Maybe losing you will be the wake up call he needs to stop smoking. But you need to be serious and don't go back to him.
If he loves you, he will realise, when he sobers up, what he has lost. He might then stop smoking and try to make things right, or at least it will make him see his habit is not "ok". If on the other hand, he loves his pot habit more than he loves you, at least you will know. Do you really want to be with someone who puts a drug habit above his girlfriend? You deserve better.
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