A
female
age
30-35,
*ricksforkicks
writes:Hello, I'm a twenty one year old in college and I've been having a hard time reading a guy that I'm really into and I'm hoping someone will give me good advice on what I should do next. I'm confused on whether or not this guy has feelings for me or not and I realize this sounds cocky but I've never been in a situation where I like a guy and they aren't into me so I'm very confused. Thanks in advance, sorry this will be long but I appreciate if you take the time to read.We've been good friends for about a year and we sit together in classes and have always been very close. Even when we were both in other relationships people speculated that we would eventually end up together. On a night a few months ago, we were drinking and we ended up in a room alone together and got closer than we ever had before. We sat on his bed and talked for hours with our arms around each other. This was when I stood up and left because I realized I had such intense feelings for him, and the next day I broke up with my boyfriend. He heard about it almost right away, and a week later after texting daily we were drinking again and he became pretty forward with me. Even around our friends he put his arm around me and then when we were alone we ended up talking (I told him I had a crush on him, which I regret now) and we ended up kissing and slept in the same bed together although it went no farther than kissing. I woke up at 5 AM and, in a moment of silliness, panicked because I had bad beer breath and my makeup was a mess so I left while he was sleeping (which I also regret now). However, I think I made up for this mistake the next day when I had to drop by his house to pick up my keys I left behind where I told him I left because my housemate texted me and I didn't want to wake him up, and also told him we should hang out again soon.He was the first to text me and throughout the next week we saw each other all the time soberly making stupid excuses to see each other like to play board games and study. This continued until the next drunken night, where he was fairly sober since he had class the next day but I was pretty drunk. We went back to his house and this time didnt kiss but just talked until 5 in the morning, held hands, cuddled, and fell asleep in each other's arms. The next morning we continued to cuddle soberly, and I mentioned leaving a few times and he told me to stay and be lazy with him. I thought everything was all good at this point, but then..For a week neither of us texted each other after this incident - in my case because I was stupid and afraid to be the first to text since I'm used to being chased, and in his case I have no idea why. Finally there were a few random class-related texts after that week, and then on our last drunken night at college (before we went home to homes miles away from each other) we couldnt end up alone together so it was hard to tell but I felt like I was being blown off (for example, I texted him earlier on in the night and suggested a club for the night and he replied with "haha Ill probably end up there at some point").We are now miles away and I'm not expecting anything to happen obviously but I'm just confused about what happened. Did us cuddling soberly scare him off? Was he just after some action and lost interest when I seemed to not be willing to give it up for awhile (he never seemed to make too many moves in this direction)? Was I coming on too strong and he lost interest? I wouldnt care normally but I really like this guy. Thanks again.
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female
reader, Tricksforkicks +, writes (9 July 2010):
Tricksforkicks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thought about it and you are absolutely right oldersister. I'm really glad I posted this, I mulled over it for awhile and a fresh opinion did end up figuring it all out in my head for me. This guy is obviously a waste of time, especially since I'm not a girl that is okay with chasing a guy. It'll take me some time to get used to it but I will. Would you mind if I sent you a message or talked to you a little more about how to identify guys like that in the future? I find I can usually avoid guys if I understand their mentality. If you have the time, of course! At any rate, thanks much.
A
female
reader, Tricksforkicks +, writes (9 July 2010):
Tricksforkicks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers so far, I really learned a lot about what type of guy he might be. I appreciate Danielepew and Ask_oldersister for mentioning I did the right thing breaking up with my boyfriend, it was a tough thing to do but I never ever want to be a cheater because i know how disrespectful and hurtful it is. It's always kind of good to know "it's not me, it's you" who has the problem haha.
To your question Danielepew: his relationship was two months over before any of the events I mentioned in the question. (Btw your names for the people involved made me laugh, great!)
The detailed analysis was awesome ask_oldersister and I definitely learned a lot, but maybe it's me being biased because I like him but I have a hard time seeing him as the cheater or lazy type. Before we had hooked up together, he had never as far back as I am aware hooked up with any of our mutual friends or any random girls. He is considered the most respectful and gentlemanlike in our group of friends, so oftentimes all the girls will consider him the type you want to be best friends with and not date especially because he can be shy with girls (this is college after all). My earliest conclusion had been that the problem was that summer was approaching and he didn't want a relationship over summer. But geez, not texting me at all was a little harsh on my ego.
I think you might also be right also about the fact he might have been a little weirded out by the fact I broke up with my boyfriend so fast - we had been dating for a little over a year. It was really difficult but honestly I don't want to be with someone when I know I have feelings for someone else - it isn't fair or right.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1  +, writes (9 July 2010):
I think you answered it yourself you didn't put out so now hes on a new prowl! i mean if he's not contacting you what is he out of range has his phone been turned off i would text him one last time tell him it was good while it lasted!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 July 2010):
 Question: You say you two had someone else when you met. You broke up with your guy when you realized to what extent you liked Mr. I-will-probably-end-up-there-at-some-point. Does Mr. I-will.... know that? Did he break up with Ms. I-will...? If he didn't, then I'm afraid he won't be with you.
By the way, you didn't do anything wrong, according to me. And I should praise you for breaking up with Mr. Previous when you realized how you like Mr. I-will...
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