A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband is a jealous person and I havent seen my cousin in 2 years as she drinks, has guys at her flat and is on facebook. These are not the kind of things that interest me but I did pop in and see her before I met my husband as she was always there for me. I havent been since meeting my husband as obviously he feels thrned. But he wants to be able to stay at his uncles who drinks, has girls round all the time. Now im not a jealous person but its like one rule for me but different for him, I feel like leaving. What do you guys think?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 November 2013):
 He can't "make" you not see people. He can tell that he doesn't WANT you to see people (in your case your cousin) but I think YOU should have some kind of say in what you do with your life.
You got married, you didn't sign up to be told what to do 24/7.
I'm with Chigirl, he doesn't WANT you to have a social life because then you might realize that your LIFE doesn't REVOLVE around his.
I think it's kind of sad that you don't know that you HAVE a say in your own life and marriage.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2013): Is there some reason your cousin can't be invited over to visit with you? Perhaps you can call ahead and let her know when you're coming; and confirm she's not already entertaining? I mean, why would you drop in unannounced on a single-lady entertaining her male friends? Your intention is to spend time with her, not crash her little party. If every time you go there are men there and drinking; sounds much like you're in on the festivities. If you are, just do it. Everyone knows you're married, and there's no harm. Men who are controlling and jealous don't change. They don't feel they have to; because nothing short of brute force, or standing up to them, makes them take you seriously.Unless you are physically intimidated by your husband, I'm not sure why you haven't put your foot down; and told him you don't like to be treated like a child. You'll follow no rules he won't follow himself.If he has a problem with that, leaving doesn't sound like a bad idea.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (23 November 2013):
 Then change the rules. Make your own and live by them. If you're not threatened by your husband's association with an uncle who drinks and fraternizes, then don't deny yourself a relationship with your cousin, or anyone else, on his say so.
He can complain all he likes. Don't feel the need to have the last word.
That said, if her lifestyle isn't quite for you then limit your involvement with her to times when she isn't drinking or entertaining men. Not to appease your husband, but for your own peace of mind.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 November 2013):
 I think you're in a marriage with restrictions only for you. I think you are being controlled, and it's gone so far that you have given up seeing family, and so far that you have bought into his reasons for why you should not see family.
No doubt he doesn't want you to see friends either.
Being on facebook, drinking, and having guys at her flat is absolutely no reason for why YOU shouldn't meet her. Meeting her does not mean you will suddenly start cheating. You are, after all, in charge of what you do. You are also an adult, and not a child who will be influenced by a person with bad habits. You have your own mind and intelligence and you are responsible for your own actions.
Your husband isn't afraid you will cheat on him, or be negatively influenced either, for that matter. Your husband is just afraid that once you meet others, you will realize how little he has to offer you.
Same reason people of the East Block weren't allowed to go abroad.. They'd see how well people had it in the West, and they'd want the same, which would only result in the downfall of communism of the USSR. Which is why they placed restrictions on traveling abroad.
Your husband does the same. He thinks if you meet someone else, you will see how much better they are than him, and leave him. He knows he's not good enough for you, he knows he can't offer you what you need. So in order to keep you, he locks you up and prevents you from meeting others who might open your eyes...
Now, if he was good to you, honest with you, faithful to you, and treated you well, he'd have nothing to worry about.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 November 2013):
 You stand up to him is what you do! What's he going to do to you when you go to your cousin's? Tell him you're going, and if he protests, just respond that it'll give him a chance to hang out with his uncle.
Seriously. Unless he beats you for crossing him, in which case you need to get out of the marriage anyways, then the marriage is an equal partnership. You're not cheating by visiting family, so you have the right to go see her.
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