A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should I be insulted that a guy Ive liked for a while has asked me to be his FWB or 'fuck buddy'? He says he doesnt want a relationship but wants to be more than friends. Im shocked and dont know what to say! Im 29 and hes 28, Im looking for a serious relationship now at my time of life, not to play games! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (3 September 2012):
 Hi
When some guy asks if he can use your body, yes, it is highly insulting on various levels.
Tell him to go pay for it if he just wants emotionless sex with no strings...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2012): Previous anon female response:
"I am surprised to hear how many women here responded, no, you shouldn't be insulted, and men response was, yes, it was an insult.
"This is why men dare to come up to you and offer something as insulting as to use your body as commodity, because women don't get insulted by this.
"Men know it's insulting, they learned that women are ok with it, that's why they do it."
As a guy I agree completely, I'm totally shocked and appalled at such behavior and even more shocked and appalled that so many responders aren't even remotely bothered by the rudeness and crassness of such a proposition or the term "fuck buddy."
You shouldn't have to ask if you should be insulted, you SHOULD BE insulted, and greatly and grievously so. No woman should ever stand for such callously and casually offensive language and behavior, nor should any woman ever allow it to pass unchallenged.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2012): I am surprised to hear how many women here responded, no, you shouldn't be insulted, and men response was, yes, it was an insult.This is why men dare to come up to you and offer something as insulting as to use your body as commodity, because women don't get insulted by this.Men know it's insulting, they learned that women are ok with it, that's why they do it. They know they are not going to be slapped on a cheek, because we women are so cool these days that we act like we are not offended by highly inappropriate offers like that.I think you should feel insulted by it, as u did, and I think you definitely should let him know how dare he even propositioned it to you.
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A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (2 September 2012):
 I don't think you could put it in a better way!!'Sageoldguy has given a very good answer..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2012): Two facets of same person, clearity in what he wants and defining future course of action. Better to say NO, as at this moment of life there is need for more committed relations rather than intimacy.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (2 September 2012):
 I wouldn't be insulted or flattered. I would just tell him that you are looking for a serious relationship, so a FWBs relationship will not work for you.
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A
female
reader, princesskilala +, writes (2 September 2012):
Don't be insulted. That's something that has nothing to do with you. If he wants to be fwb then that says a lot about him. What he wants from you has nothing to do with your identity. If what he's asking for will comply with what you want or believe in then agree. If not then move on and don't stay hung up on him thinking he will change one day. Guys never change and if they do it's because thy wanted to not because somebody helped influence their change. I'm sure there are plenty of other guys out there that are looking for the same thing you're looking for, you just haven't found each other yet.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (2 September 2012):
 I would be shocked but not to offended sometimes like mention people have issues mental financial and still want sex or love making and compassion without it being labeled a relationship. Dont be offended to because he most in likely dont want to stop you from obtaining someone that will provide that full relationship.Its called the push away cause they want you to have better. Im feeling like this a lot cause I have issues and many of them. I don't want who Im in a relationship with to be tripping when these issues come out. So if we just lovers and thats all they won't be a problem. Plus to think he might don't want to be hurt by you so he don't want any relationships period. Just put it out there communicate ideas thoughts feelings and see then go from there. I was involved like this we still friends we just fade and connect cause where in a mutual agreement that worked cause we use each other for good lovemaking massages friendship until I found better.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 September 2012):
 Here's what you can say:
"You know, (his name here), your suggestion to be FWBs is just about THE MOST insulting message that I've ever received. It, basically, "tells" me that you think that I am nothing more than a convenient, and soft, warm and moist opening (which, incidentally, is TRUE!!!! .... but you'll never find out!) which YOU would like to use to pleasure yourself. To help you understand the egregiousness of what you suggested... let me underscore MY ANGER by telling you that I would NEVER dream of indulging you in your boyish fantasies... AND, I think that your "offer" reveals just what a FLAGRANT as*hole you are... AND, I'd just as soon never see or speak to you again. Is that PERFECTLY CLEAR????"
Then, turn and walk away....
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2012): Then you should tell him to sling his hook and find someone else to cater for his needs if you want commitment.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 September 2012):
 I'd probably be more hurt than insulted. If you are looking for a relationship, be up front about it and tell him. If he only wants sex, move on. Getting into a FWB situation with someone you really want a relationship with is like having someone dangle french fries in front of your face and not let you eat them. It will only lead to heartbreak.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 September 2012):
 I wouldn't be insulted honestly, I would disappointed no doubt and then I would turn him down pronto, no need to waste any more time on this fella.
Obviously this wasn't a keeper, just a horny dude.. NEXT!
Don't give up, honey. Stick to your guns.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (2 September 2012):
 He is a fool. Let him waste his time but don't let him waste your time.
Of course it is insulting.
He is saying he wants to take one part of you without the full range of things in a relationship. Just a pit-stop for sex and he will be on his way.
Tell him to check out the fleshlight.com site as that is all he needs (based on his own criteria)
Hold out for a better man than him. Be thankful that he revealed the shallow nature of his character now.
you ARE worthy of more respect and a better guy than mr FWB
Show him the door and give him his marching orders now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2012): Dont touch him with a barge pole. I've known men like these and they are nothing but a lot of heart-ripping pain and trouble and in the end, even if u do offer him sex out of love, he will end up calling u a whore.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 September 2012):
 You say thanks but no thanks, it's been nice to meet you. You know your worth. Even when the man thinks you are only good to fuck but not to date then it's his problem, unless you dress provocatively, flirt too much and give him those signals. It makes a loser feels he is in control when he says he wants a FWB rather than saying he could not afford a relationship right now, and he has issues to work on. Remember, if you like a guy for a while and nothing happens, it usually means he doesn't want a relationship. It really doesn't take much for a man to show interest in a relationship when he is ready for one. FWBs not really games. Games are necessary because women won't for fall it unless they are tricked that the guys fake relationships with them, otherwise what the guys are asking for is pity me sex.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (2 September 2012):
It’s not even worth getting offended over. Tell him no, not now and not ever! Then keep your distance from him: if that’s how he treats a woman, he’s not worth your time or deserving of your friendship. Focus on finding what you want and some-one special who can give you that.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 September 2012):
 should you be insulted...
well that depends on if you mind that your good enough to have sex with but not good enough to have a relationship with...
or if you understand that folks have needs and he likes you but doesn't like you ENOUGH to have a relationship with.
He was honest...
he wasn't playing games.... that would be if he lied to you and pretended that you were good enough to have a relationship with... but he was 100% upfront. It's just not what you want.
your options:
accept his offer so you can "scratch your itch" if you want to (most women do not want this) and continue to look for someone else who wants you for a relationship... OR
tell him you are flattered that he thinks you are fine enough to have sex with but you are not interested.
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A
female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (2 September 2012):
 I don't think you should be insulted, I mean he has been honest about what he wants. If you want a relationship and he wants a fu*k buddy then clearly you are not suitable for each other.
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