A
female
age
30-35,
*mmaxbaby
writes:My boyfriend really wants a threesome with another girl, hes always said before me and him got together about how its his fantasy and i do want to give it to him because i love him and want to give him what he wants. But im too scared to, i worry that it might damage our relationship and part of me thinks why should i bother because he never pleases me in bed when i ask to be pleased. All the time he asks me to give him blowjobs but when i ask for something i always get told 'NO! What should i do? ive tried talking to him about how i want to be pleased but he always says ' i dont like licking out girls'. And ive asked him why and he says ' i dont like the taste. He asks me to shave and stuff but i still dont get pleased how i want to be. All he ever does is finger me and i dont really enjoy it and it doesnt make me orgasm. Has anyone else had this problem or have any ideas about what i should do?
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blow-job, orgasm, threesome Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): Oh honey I'm so sorry you're in this situation, because I've been there too. What you can't see right now is that if he loved you, he wouldn't ask something of you that you feel uncomfortable with. I think you should stick your ground on your opinions, because I think in any relationship threesoms do NOT bring you closer together, but quite the opposite. You do it once and he'll keep asking for it again, and not addressing your needs. I'm sorry to tell you that he's acting selfishly. You give him what he wants because you want to please him and I understand that. What you don't understand because of your love for him is that you're giving so much to someone who doesn't deserve it. You will ultimately break up with him when you realize that he does not and cannot care for you the way you care for him, and that you deserve the same love back that you are giving him. Stop letting him take advantage of you. You're not breaking up over this situation, but because he shows on more than one level that he doesn't care for you the way you deserve to be cared about. And that's not going to change....so you need to let the guy that WILL care that way about you fall into your lap! Guess what? You will never find him being occupied by someone who doesn't give you what you deserve and doesn't have the ability to.
A
male
reader, wildman  +, writes (3 April 2008):
 I am sorry but your boyfriend sounds like he needs to be alone for a while to see what he has with you. I would pack up and leave for at least a week or two and tell him you need to sort things out. Maybe that will scare him a little, maybe not. If it does fine, you can start from there. If not then you should move on to someone who will appreciate you. good luck
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A
female
reader, Emmaxbaby +, writes (2 April 2008):
Emmaxbaby is verified as being by the original poster of the question I cant leave him, i need him and love him. Part of me wants to leave him but i know i just cant.
Sometimes i feel that he takes me for granted and i sometimes feel 'easy' after sex because he always gets what he wants. Im just stuck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): Try and read articles about or find the book 'Women who love too much'. You are about to make a big mistake - doing something sexual that you are not comfortable with just to keep a bloke. You don't think you're worth much if you let him treat you like that!! Why does he want you to do that? Riddled with problems = threesomes. He'll not be able to go back to sex with just one person - it will always be there bugging him - his fantasy. You will be used over and over again. Dump him my dear.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (2 April 2008):
 Wow, he sounds awful to be honest. Really selfish. Why are you even with him?
Think about this logically for a second. You do stuff for him to please him. Then you ask for him to please you in return. He refuses, with no excuse other than he 'doesn't like it'. So, he asks you to do MORE stuff to please him, and not just anything, but a threesome! (which come loaded with baggage, that only a few people can cope with). That makes no sense whatsoever. You're being seriously taken advantage of.
He needs to get over his 'not liking' and start to like it. Don't give him anything in return until he does. Either he'll come round, or you should leave him. He sounds like he's doing you no good to be honest as it is.
And lastly, under no circumstances even dream of agreeing to have a threesome with him. When you meet a nice (different) boyfriend who treats you with respect, how do you think he will feel about the fact that you agreed to have a threesome to fulfil the fantasy of this guy who treated you like crap? Just don't go there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): I completely agree with you girl. With his behavior, I'm sure this is proof enough that you will be sitting on the fence while he again gets his way.
I also agree that this might end up hurting the relationship, with his current attitude, he will run off and leave you dry. Say no to a threesome! If for whatever reason you do decide for a threesome, insist he does mmf first, and that he perform on the guy to, otherwise the deal is off.
From the sound of things, he doesn't have a clue what he wants, and is extremely selfish. He needs to change, and professional help is where he needs to be, a physco-analyst.
I just looked again to see you age and to make sure of your marraige status. Your under 20 and not even married. No way in hell girl do you give into his ideas.
DUMP HIM NOW! He is trouble, and he would be capable of kicking you to the side.
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A
female
reader, Gena Bullock +, writes (2 April 2008):
 Oh, my gosh...You've run into my ex!
don't do what HE wants all the time; it's a two way street, honey. If he can't communicate his feelings to you better than that, then he needs to hit the pavement.
Don't cut yourself short; I did and lived with a man for 26 years giving 'head' because he loved that best...he ended up cheating on me 2 years after we were married and I didn't know about it until the end of our separation! There were others inbetween, but I hadn't expected any of it to happen...don't live to regret being in 'love' with this man by doing what he wants and not getting satisfaction. That is NOT love, my dear. This is his own personal feelings getting control of what HE wants...lusting out his own fantasies and using YOU to do it. Don't fall for it. Let him find someone who enjoys doing what you don't need to be doing to him and doesn't care about love/relationships. There are women out there who only do that kind of thing and we all know what to call them!
You are BETTER than THIS...give yourself a pat on the back for coming forward and be a woman and get what/who you deserve!!!!! It certainly IS NOT him and he definitely does NOT deserve YOU!
Bless you, Gena
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (2 April 2008):
Hi,
WHAT EVER YOU DO, DO NOT AGREE TO ANY SEXUAL ACT YOU AREN'T 100 PERCENT INTO.
You will feel dirty and used and it will stay with you for a long long time.
Your bloke is really really selfish in bed. He wants things but he is not prepared to give things back. Is he this selfish in other aspects of your relationship?
Now I am not saying that sex is everything in a relationship but it can be a pretty good indicator of how things are going. If you aren't enjoying what is going on in the bedroom then he needs to learn how to please you. Perhaps you could agree to think about a threesome once he has learned how to make you come?
I am a big fan of perfection in a relationship. I stayed with a guy who didn't keep me happy in the bedroom for ages because I loved him. But now I am with someone I really love and who is amazing in bed - it makes everything SO much better. If he doesn't like giving oral, fair enough. (although it means you are within your rights to decide you don't like giving blow jobs either) Bring in ice cubes, toys, anything else to spice things up for YOU.
Don't give him his fantasy because at the moment he is not giving you anything. Be demanding.
Good Luck xx
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (2 April 2008):
 Sounds very much like you are in a very one-sided relationship that is centered on your so-called boyfriend getting everything he wants while he does little or nothing for you. Period.
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