A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My new husband and I have both been married before and both situations were not pleasant. When we went to our pre-marriage counseling one of the biggest issues was "communication" and it still is an issue. Neither of us knows how to communicate! He and I both hold everything and if we ever do talk about stuff it's usually through text messaging. I get so emotional every time I start to try to have a conversation about something we need to discuss. It also came out in our pre-marriage counseling that I have some low self-esteem issues steming from my prior marriage and I'm sure that's not helping.My husband and I love each other and we have a great relationship other than the communication problems but I'm so scared that if we don't find a way to nip this in the bud, it's gonna become a major problem for our marriage in the future.Does anyone out there have any advise?Thanks,LM-
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much! When we first started dating we had a conversation (probably the last good conversation that we've had) and we realized and expressed that we both have communication issues.
Lately I feel like I come home to a roommate rather than a husband and that really bothers me.
We got married in December 2007 and bought a house. I still have my house that I lived in before we got married and I've been having a real hard time selling it so that's put a financial strain on us on top of everything else. My husband handles all of the money and bills because I am terrible with money. I have found someone to rent my house for a while so maybe that will help lighten the load.
I also have a 3 year old son from a previous relationship and that can be pretty stressful sometimes. My husband is great with him and they love each other very much but my son is a true 3 year old and knows what buttons to push.
My husband is out of town for the rest of the week working and I've asked him to set aside some time for us to sit and just talk when he gets home. I told him that I feel like our communication sucks and that I love him so much and that I want to work on this so I can feel closer to him.
So maybe this will be the beginning of our communication restoration! Sorry for my blabbing... I just don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff. I'm glad I found this site!
A
female
reader, Jmo +, writes (2 April 2008):
 Stop bringing up issues that are on your mind via text-messaging. I know you've said that when you try and have a conversation regarding these things, you become emotional but maybe that's necessary. Maybe you need to get emotional as opposed to blocking the kind communication that involves a connection by texting him. You obviously have a lot on your mind and it's only fair to your husband to share that with him or else in time you'll both experience an emotional divide that's hard to repair. I can't speak for your husband and his communication problems but I have a feeling if you are both more expressive, in time you'll find your self less emotional when it comes to discussing sensitive issues and will have an easier, more comfortable attitude regarding expressing your concerns. Best of luck.
-Jmo
...............................
|
