A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok ive been with this guy for at least 6 months. but before i started talkin 2 him he had an ex of three years that he left becuse she was unfaithful. and he said that he would never get back with her. everything was going good with us. he would call everyday and he was just the sweetest person. but recently he went out of town. so i texted him to make sure that he waz ok and i never got and answer back. i called him and everything. i thought that somthning was wrong so i calld my friend and was tellin her to call and see if he answers because i wanted to make sure that he was ok. she said that he called him and he answered and he sounded fine. SO When he got back i sent him a text message and asked if we were still talkin and he said yeah. so i called him and he didnt answer hiz phone,later on he sent me a text sayin that he didnt feel like talkin so he would call me back. so i got mad and i let him know tht what he was doing was wrong and that he should call me when he stopped acting so differently. so he told me that i should just leave him alone if i felt that way. and that was unlikley becuase he was letting me off to quick that's how i knew that something was wrong. the next day i found out that his ex girlfriend had been with hm while he was out of town. and i apologized and told him that i was sorry and he said that we would talk about it but he never called. and from this day he still hasnt called me. or given me an explaination as to why he would make me feel like i was loved and then just drop me like i never existed for his ex girlfriend. i was crushed and tremendously hurt. and i still cant him to get him out of my head. i want to give him the benefit of the doubt but he still hasnt called. I just want an explaination.
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crush, ex girlfriend, his ex, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): Benefit of the doubt? What doubt? He doesn't answer your calls. He states he doesn't want to talk to you. He said you should leave. He is seeing his ex.
Oh, but you apologized to him right? For what? Listen you did nothing wrong. Your probably a real nice girl. This guy is a cheater and a coward. Sorry, but he is. I bet you can do much much better. Don't call him anymore. He may eventually want you back. Say no.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): Just look on it as a lucky escape and run like hell.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 March 2008):
 I think sometimes there are no definite answers to every problems .
From your description of events, I can only speculate that his love for you have dried up and he is behaving badly towards you.
It could have been his ex.
When love died, it is not your fault.
That person has changed .
We have to accept the inevitable and move on.
You will get over this set back and be back on your feet again.
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A
female
reader, Hotstuff_405 +, writes (20 March 2008):
thanx you for the advice becuase it has really been hard. I havent even wanted to give any other guys a chance because i know that if im with them i would be wishin that it was him..that weekend he didnt answer my calls was very hard. and i dont think that im ready for love i dont want to deal with it because if it hurts that much then i would rather wait..its jus that fact that i dnt have an answer that tearing me apart. and knowing that this whole time that he didnt care not one bit rips me to shreds. everynite i cry miself to sleep wondering what i did that was wrong. but im trying and hopefully i get well soon i thank u all 4 the advice but its been a week and he still hasnt called so i guess thats it..again i really appreciate that advice.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (20 March 2008):
I think you should let things cool down a bit and wait for him to call you.
If he does not call you ,then you have to accept that he has move on.
I am sorry for what you are going through.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Dump him. Look for a better man.
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A
female
reader, bebe010405 +, writes (20 March 2008):
honey he cheated on you if he was out of town with her and wasnt answering your call and how long has it been since he stopped talkin to you and well i think you should just forget about him he's just not 4 u
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (20 March 2008):
What your bf did to you was horrible!!! I dont know if he cheated on you with his ex or whatever when he was away, but even if say he didnt, that doesnt excuse his behaviour of ignoring your calls and messages. Thats just plain rude and disrespectful. He is avoding talking to you i think, probably because he feels guilty about something, whether that be seeing his ex or just because he knows that his behaviour was wrong.
But it doesnt matter what has happened, whether he cheated on you or maybe he has some other problem going on in his life that he doesnt feel he can tell you or doesnt want to, that doesnt excuse his behaviour. It doesnt matter how bad life gets, he shouldnt do what he did to you.
I understand you want to give him the benefit of the doubt because you like him and you want to make things work between the two of you. I understand it can be hard to let go of someone despite how badly they may treat you. But having said that I think its imoportant for you to realise that he isnt giving you what you deserve, that is respect. You could do so much better then him! When you arei n a relationship you cant just ignore someone, thats like saying ok today i will be in a relationship, tomorrow probably not cause i dont feel like it, but maybe next week i will feel like it. Thats what it seems like he is doing.
I understand you might need an explanation in order ot get some closure, however if he has done wrong and i really do think he does, the chances of him admiting it are very slim, so sadly you might not get this.
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A
male
reader, Paladin +, writes (20 March 2008):
 If you tell him your sorry again your out of your mind. I can't even imagine what would lead you to think that you needed to. You did nothing wrong other than to find yourself in the unfortunate position of believing a total moron. Which by the way we all have at one time or another. He has lied to you, cheated on you and doesn't deserve your kindness and respect. As far as an explanation goes, do you really think this guy is capable of telling you the truth? With that in mind why would you even want to discuss anything with him. I totally understand that some people feel that they need to have a final discussion in order to have closure, but since this guy is so self centered and appears to have no respect for anyone other than himself I seriously doubt your going to have a quality conversation with him. The reason he ended your relationship the way he did is becasue he wasn't man enough to simply call you and end it like a reasonable human being.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): It seems as if you were just there for convience. He was with his ex girlfriend when you called and didn't bother to pick up the phone however, he picked up the phone when your friend called. What is up with that, girlie? That should tell you a lot there.
All I can say is to give it up and move on. If the dude is not picking up on your calls and not returning them, that should be a sign...Don't call the guy!!
There's someone out there for you and you definitely don't deserve any of that.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Hi,
what you have to do is learn to get him out of your head. This will come with time. But believe me, if you hang on you will go through this time and time again.
The mere fact that you apologized to him for cheating on you speaks volumes for your lack of self worth - he cheated on you , he had sex with his ex girlfriend and you apologized to him. Don't think they didnt have sex, he spent a weekend with her, what do you think they were doing?
She has got him wrapped around her little finger and he has got you wrapped around his little finger. If she's a cheater she will cheat again, and he will come back to you, at least until she pulls his heart strings and he goes crawling back to her.
do you really want to put yourself through this? You are only 20-21? you have so much of your life ahead of you and you have the opportunity to meet someone who will be faithful to you, so why settle for a cheater?
Life is full of heartbreak but you learn from your mistakes, or you don't. You dont want to be like these 30 something wives who write in here complaining about how they cant leave there serial cheating husbands.
He's a cheating rat, dump him. good luck.
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A
female
reader, yeahsureyoubetcha +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Let it go. You will not get a call. He used you to feel better about himself and he is done now. Move on.
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A
female
reader, shadowre  +, writes (20 March 2008):
 well maybe theres just something going on in his life that hes uncomfortable talking about!
or maybe he slept with his ex, and feels really guilty about it and just doesnt want to face up to it!! iam not saying he has, but its a possibility!
you should just go to his unanounced (if he still diesnt call you or answer the fone) and just ask him whats up and that your not leaving til you get an answer! that way he cant really avoid you and he has to tell you eventually!
hope i helped a bit! good luck
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