A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've just found out my bf of a year has met his ex behind my back. He's been split from this girl for 3 years and has had 2 relationships inbetween, both of which he cheated on them with this girl.He told me about it when I was getting to know him, before we got together properly. I asked him if he had anything to do with her anymore and he said he'd slept with her recently (2 months before we got together) but that she messed his head up wanting him one minute then ditching him the next so he didn't want anything more to do with her.Everything in our relationship has been great, until Boxing Day when I found out he'd seen her on a couple of occasions throughout the year. He promises he met her just to talk things over and clear the air but why didn't he tell me? I now feel like I can't trust him at all. If it was any other ex it wouldn't bother me but the fact that its her really does! I don't feel like I can trust him. He works away (only 50 miles away) but she lives where his work is based and I feel like I can not trust him now. I don't want to turn into one of these girlfriends that questions his every move
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female
reader, cgrlygo  +, writes (2 January 2014):
 you don't feel you can trust him because you cant. My man man chat with ex's but meeting up?? NOOOOOO... he is clearly not over her. my advise is to run away... if you cant do that... give him the option.. me or her...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2014): One of the most important things about a relationship is trust.And if one isn't feeling that, then it's time to let go, right away. but if you are serious about this guy, then you can take his word for what he says. maybe you can ask him to promise on something he loves, like his parents. But, from what u have written, he seems to be an honest man. i don’t think many men would actually say to your face that they cheated. but, how did you find out he'd seen his ex? if he told you to your face that he had seen her, then i don’t think you should let go.Focus on the good things about your relationship. maybe you can do some exploring, and ask why he needed to talk to her? but it's really only up to you. good luck!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 January 2014):
 He cheated on two past relationships with this ex? I guarantee they've slept together, and you're number 3. He is an idiot and a cheating lying dog and you are no different than his previous relationships. After 3 years, all the closure he needed should have happened and then some.
I'd drop him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 January 2014):
 I'm with CaringGuy here.
There should be NO NEED for them to "clear any air" what so ever, they are OVER (or were) so why would they need to met up (behind your back) to discuss the past? And not just once did they met, but several times?
How much air did they need to clear?
I have to ask how did you found out? And what was his reasoning for not telling you?
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (1 January 2014):
I'm very sorry. The truth is that he is still stuck on her. You can't trust this guy. I have no issues with exes that remain friends, but that isn't what this is, as they keep having sex.
"Clear the air"? I'm sorry, but what kind of BS is that? He's been with you for a year, what sort of air could there possibly be to clear? Don't believe it.
Now, what are you going to do about it? He's a grown man, you can't prevent him from doing anything. Your choice is clear. You either stay with him, knowing full well he still wants her and will have sex with her if he gets the chance, or...you dump. Personally I'd go with #2, but that's just my preference.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2014): Lets face it he still has feelings for her. She is his fall-back position - always waiting in the wings for when they fancy getting together. Given the background cheating I would dump him and find someone that is not still in love with another woman. Sorry to be blunt but I think this will undermine everything that was good about your relationship with him from now on - its not worth wasting any more time. End things now - it has only been a year and hopefully you can move on with your life pretty quickly. I would not tolerate that. Don't you deserve respect?
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A
female
reader, Lieutenant +, writes (1 January 2014):
You will keep questioning his actions. You should have a talk with him and tell him that you can no longer trust him because he kept his meetings with this particular ex-gf secret.Usually i'm one to say that friendships with exes are not a big deal; however the history behind this alleged "frienship" with this woman is not good at all.When you tell him that you can no longer trust him and you don't see anyway forward in a relationship without trust, he should suggest to end whatever relationship he has going on with this ex; then you can make a decision whether that would ameliorate the way you feel and the whole trust situation. If he doesn't suggest this himself, it's obvious that he would rather take his chances with an unstable woman who wants him one minute and the next is dumping his arse. You do not deserve to be cheated on; your bf needs to man up and get rid of this parasite from his life, otherwise she will destroy relationship after relationship after relationship of his.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 January 2014):
I don't think you can trust him at all, can you? You know that previously he has cheated on not one, but two girlfriends with this ex. And he has not met her behind your back and not told you either.
Whether he did cheat on you or not, it's clear he still has a thing for this ex, and that he was willing to hide meetings with her. If my girlfriend did that to me, I'd be saying goodbye. Too many people are willing to accept bad treatment. Not me. And you shouldn't either. I just don't see how this man can be trusted.
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