A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I know my boyfriend loves me, but if I start acting like a porn star in bed and doing all the acts he enjoys watching in porn, will he begin to lose interest in porn and stop watching it altogether? I've lost weight and now I'm thin like the girls he enjoys watching, but should I start being more porn-like in bed?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008): Porn is unrealistic, which is why it's video-worthy. Like all entertainment, it relies on shock value and novelty to keep its watchers going, so you'll be seeing unusually large members on the guys, and women with exaggerated or unnatural bodies and behavior. I wouldn't copy porn sex any more than I would attempt the stunts in an action movie. I've had boyfriends who thought they could learn their sex techniques from porn and had to break them of the habit, as it was uncomfortable, skimpy on foreplay, and not fun.
Like everybody here, I doubt anything you may do to change yourself will replace porn, unless you can become a dozen different women in a day. The only way you can get your bf to stop watching porn is to tell him that you want him to stop watching porn, or at least to watch less of it and to spend more time on living a real life with you.
On the other hand, you can only improve your relationship by becoming more adventurous and communicative (about what you like, about what your bf likes) in bed. There's also nothing wrong with experimenting... after trying some weird positions or role plays, and finding that they don't always work out like they do on the screen, your bf may get a more realistic about sex.
Allowing yourself your own fantasies will make you a more imaginative lover. But take it slowly and NEVER do anything that makes you feel bad about yourself, that goes against the grain for you. It seems to me that if a woman just molds herself to be what she thinks her man wants, she fails to supply that sense of surprise and otherness that he may be looking for when he looks at porn.
So my advice would be to open yourself up to learning about your own sensuality, find out if you could like a bigger variety of moves or roles. Tell him about what you've found, and keep him busy at work trying to please YOU. If he can't or won't take off from his busy schedule of wanking to have real sex with you, perhaps it's time to find someone new!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): It is 2 different things. Watching porn is fantasy and having sex with you is the real thing. Don't try to compare the 2. Porn is very fake. Watching porn has nothing to do with what you are like in bed. Just be yourself. I'm sure that he is happy with what you are now. If his porn watching does not detract from his affection and lovemaking for you then trying to stop it will just be an exercise in driving the 2 of you apart.
Men's sexual needs are different from wonem's sexual needs. Women and men both need to realize that. For the women who I have known, sex is more about the affection, cuddling and forepley than it is about the sex itself. Men just need sexual release at times and porn is a way to get that. Would you rather that he use you for a quick 2 minute screw when he needs sexual release or would you rather that he watch porn and get it with masturbation?
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A
male
reader, Wulfgrimm +, writes (29 July 2008):
Porn is a fantasy, its really something you watch to "dream about" and nothing more. Act like you want to in bed, but don't try and act like a porn star. Changing it up is fine, trying new things is fine. But don't do it because he likes to watch it, do it because your actually interested in trying them.
Besides, if you start doing everything that he fancies then he wont stop at all in fact I would imagine it would get worse as he would think he could do with you whatever the hell he feels like, so he would look for more things to do.
Leave it alone, but thats my in put. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Angela.B  +, writes (29 July 2008):
 Be as creative, adventurous and down right kinky in bed as you feel comfortable being and enjoy doing.But do it because you enjoy it, not to try and stop your boyfriend watching porn.If you start doing things for that reason you will end up feeling used, degraded and miserable. And, to top it all off it probably wouldn't work either.Some men enjoy watching porn and it has nothing at all to do with their relationship with their partner, and what their partner may or may not enjoy doing in the bedroom. If you are uncomfortable with his porn habits then you need to discuss that with him, and not be trying to match the professionals he enjoys watching.
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (29 July 2008):
 You need to begin establishing better communication with your guy. Make an agreement that the two of you can tell one another exactly what you want from one another as far as sex is concerned. Share each other's fantasies, and do your best to live them. They won't always be possible because in real life little things like reality of the laws of physics and our bodily limitations get in the way. But come as close as you can. Don't be afraid to try new things. But first and foremost, COMMUNICATE. Don't try to guess what he wants. Ask him. Get him to tell you. If he wants you to be more like a porn star, let him know that that's available to him. He only has to ask. My bet is that that knowledge will get him so excited he'll hardly be able to stand it, and he'll trip over himself to go along with that program.
And don't be shy about letting him know what pleases you, either. You're entitled to your pleasure every bit as much as he is.
As far as porn is concerned, I doubt that your behavior in bed will actually impact his viewing behavior one way or another. Viewing porn is not a reflection on you, and it's not a threat to your relationship. It's just something that he enjoys. Don't worry about it.
In fact, one woman I know actually looks at it herself, to get ideas to spice up her relationship with her guy. She says things have never been hotter than they've been since she introduced some ideas she got while browsing some porn sites on line. But she does what I said above ... she talks to her guy, and suggests things that she thinks the two of them might like to try. And they are hot.
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (29 July 2008):
 Well... there's no harm in being more experimental in bed, and trying new positions and acts. But don't "act" like a porn star- porn stars aren't exactly known for their amazing acting ability, usually the over the top moaning and screaming is more laughable than sexy (unless your guy is into that sort of thing). Don't act like something you're not. Your expressions of pleasure should be genuine and natural. If something he does makes you gasp, then gasp, but for god's sake don't scream and pant like a dog all the way through sex. He will know you're faking it (unless he is that stupid).
But to answer your question, no I doubt he'll stop watching porn if you do these things. Believe it or not, most men don't watch porn because they wish their girlfriends looked/acted like the girls in it. And they don't watch porn (usually) because something is missing in their sex lives. Some men just watch porn out of habit. Some men don't watch it at all, and some men only watch it when they are single and lonely. But ultimately, the porn isn't about you doing or not doing something in bed... it's about him being bored sometimes and watching it to amuse and arouse himself. Try not to feel threatened by it, but if you want him to stop watching it, the best thing to do is explain to him why, tell him how it makes you feel and hope that he is a good enough guy to respect your wishes.
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