A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 37 yo female who has been dating a recent divorcee. He is the most wonderful man I have met. He is a Great dad to his kids that he has 5-6 days out of the week because they have a sorry mother. She cheated on him a year ago, and ask for a divorce. When he started talking to me he quickly said he loved me, and now that have developed feelings for him, he seems to be pushing me away. He calls upset over something new he has heard or that he had to see her @ one of the kids sporting events or such. We have seen each other 3 times in 3 months because he lives about 2 hrs away. When we make plans to spend time together, he forgets or something else came up, or the ex calls and wants him to take the kids and they are his priority, and the times we have spent together ends early because he gets a call the kids are crying for him.. I need some advice as I really have no one to really talk to. Im a single mom too but always try to make time for him.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (8 May 2012):
 OMG!!! really??? Way too much drama going on in his life, he is seriously using you as a crutch but not giving anything back.
If you hear any of the following statements...
'I'm confused'
'I don't know what I want'
'I love you but I am not IN love with you'
'I can't see you because I just can't'
'If you love me you will have sex with me'
'I'm being honest'
'My wife doesn't understand me'
RUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNN FOR YOUR LIIIIFFFFEEEEE!!!!!
Seriously he's using you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI I did just that and told him last night that this wasnt a fair situation because I deserve someone who wants to be with me. He comes back with he is scared and dong know why he cant be with me, or spend time with me. The weird part is he will call and want to have phone sex, yet like this weekend he says he cant see me because he just cant no reason. The 2 times we have been intimate he freaks out and crys or has a panic attack.... I just dont understand.
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A
female
reader, sallybowles  +, writes (8 May 2012):
I can empathise with you here. I am dating a man (he lives one hour from me). We have been together for two years. He has joint custody of his daughter and he is heavily committed to her as she has schooling and sporting commitments that he has to help her out with. Often these are on weekends so I don't see him. His wife (they are not divorced yet as they are waiting for the girl to finish school, then will sell the house and get a divorce - I hope :) ) The wife is a nasty piece of work and my partner has to tread very carefully around her (she is an alcoholic in denial) so he doesn't want to upset the apple cart so to speak. Anyway I digress it is not about me but you - so here's what I think. The man you are in love with or have strong feelings for is in a difficult and overwhelming situation. He obviously loves his kids and will do anything for them. Then he has his problematic ex-wife who sounds like she may cause trouble if things dont go her way (ohhh I know this type of woman). When he met you he was probably flattered that a woman was taking interest in him after having his ex cheat on him so he may have developed feelings for you. Then you feeling excited and in the first flush of love, scared him a little with your ourpouring of love for him. He probably panicked as he has a whole lot going on with his kids, his job, his ex etc etc. You are another person on that big plate of his. Maybe it is all just too much for him not to mention the tyranny of distance. Different if you lived close - you could pop in and have a coffee or a meal with him but it is hard to have a relationship at a distance especially when your life is loaded to the max. He just doesn't have time for you it is as simple as that. Up the track he may make time for you, once the kids are older and don't require as much day to day attention. I suggest you ask him to meet you and tell him to be honest about his feelings for you. Maybe you could be friends - sounds like he needs one and then hopefully it may progress to romance later. If it all fails, it may be meant to be that way and you may have to move forward with your life going in another direction. I wish you good luck. :)
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (8 May 2012):
I have absolute sympathy for you over this...it's a really akward situation.
This guy may be great, may have some feelings for you, but truth is, he is neither ready or in a position to have a relationship at this time.
Sure it may work if you can stand a very casual thing, but how much of a relationship is it when only he gets to choose when and where you see eachother?
He has a lot to sort out and deal with...he divorced her but not the kids and right now he is going to be very very busy and distracted. Of course he is going to hang onto you (if you let him) but he will be the very last to admit that he has no time for you or that he is neglecting you...because he may just like having someone there to be a shoulder to cry on whilst his life is difficult. Thing is...is that shoulder going to be you? (and are you happy with that?)
Right now, I can't see much changing so you have to decide if this 'set up' is right for you. If you cannot bear to let him go then keep him as a friend but date other people (which is your absolute right to do) because right now you are over committed to a failing relationship and the fail part is being created by him.
Take a step back and let him know exactly what you want...if he can't give it, then you need to move on.
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