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*lash33
writes:I am here once again with something that is puzzling me. My fiance and I talk about many things and for the most part, everything. The issue I am having is that when we talk about problems in our house we usually agree that there is a problem and on what We want to do to solve it but a day or two will go by and the problems surface again. When that happens my fiance behaves like the problems new and ignored it. I don't understand at all and it irritates me. I feel like talking to or with her at times is a waste of time and emotional energy. The issues we have are, in my opinion, serious enough for us to talk about resolving but I end up feeling like I am not supposed to talk about issuses or try to resolve them unless my fiance brings them up. I just feel alone in a full house and my concerns are not serious enough to discuss. I need help. What can I do to make things better for us?
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 May 2012):
 Well, your post is a bit too vague to give you a helpful answer, but maybe your fiancee sees that you always talk , ...nothing ever gets solved and the problem resurfaces again in two days, so why talking it to death if then nothing changes.
Talk is good but it needs to be backed up by concrete actions at once , otherwise yes, it is a waste of time and emotional energy.
Now of course, I don't know whose fault it is or who creates the problem or if its responsibility is 50/ 50: Or perhaps it may be that certain things bother you very much and not her, and viceversa. But that's not really the most important thing, when there's a will there's a way for everything. If you have good communication, and if you both want to solve your problems, you can find together a plan of action, with practical, specific steps ( when X happens, I'll do A and you'll do B ) and stick to the plan as much as you can, with allowances for occasional relapses because we all can make mistakes, we just have ... to start all over again and try harder the next time. Stick to a specific solution ,chosen with the agreement of both , and stop the bellyaching. Doing will carry you much father than talking.
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