A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have recently started seeing a guy, who suffers with depression, which ive supported as much as i can. Our relationship has been moving very quickly and he recently dropped the love bomb, involved me deeply with his friends and family but He has since cut ties and i am finding it really hard to understand why? I supposedly was the only happy thing in his life but he feels that he needs to see other people due to his history of long term relationships and isnt ready for commitment, and wishes he met me a few more months down the line. Should i hold out in hope or move on?
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (10 May 2018):
 Depression is really intense. It affected his thought processing and he thought that he loved you until he realised that he need not be with you and that he wants other things. This is a waste of your time.
In my opinion, he should stay completely single and not see other people. Mainly because he is suffering from a serious condition and he should be focusing on sorting out his health before moving forward. On your part, it's best to move on as well.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2018): His depression may be affecting his judgment; and impeding his capacity for reasoning and decision-making. Depression is often partnered with other mental or anxiety-disorders. So he might give-up when the stress becomes too much. He may say and do things impulsively. He will often contradict himself, in what he says and does.
You did make one key-point that explains it all. That is:
"Our relationship has been moving very quickly and he recently dropped the love bomb, involved me deeply with his friends...etc."
Relationships shouldn't be developed in haste. A demand for immediate-gratification is a weakness in modern-society. Be it due to an over-developed sense of entitlement; or our desperation to find love. We're supposed to grow wiser with time and age about this. Sometimes we don't!
Things requiring time and patience are considered a nuisance, hindrance, or an obstacle in the way of our pursuit of happiness. Everyone hates to wait! Farmers know there is no crop to harvest without sowing and cultivation of their crops. It takes plowing, planting seed, weeding, watering, fertilizing, sunshine, and patience. It requires time for something good to grow; and to produce the cash crop. Same goes for love, my dear.
His hasty utterance of the L-word partially comes with your prompting (consciously, or subconsciously), or pressure; in addition to his own impulsive-behavior, or a rush of feelings on the spur of the moment. It may have also been an act of manipulation to get something from you he wanted. Maybe for sex?
His immediate retreat from what he said; is proof he was acting on an impulse. Don't try to figure it out; because there is no real logic to his actions. Chalk it up to post-sex euphoria, a good-mood, or feeling he should say it; because that's what he thinks many women want to hear.
You knew from the start you were dealing with someone suffering from mental-health issues. This is sometimes one of the pitfalls of dealing with people struggling with their inner-issues, judgment, and social/mental-disorders. Once the pressure is on; they may retreat into their fears and doubts. They collapse under the pressure. You don't even have to have depression or an anxiety-disorder to do that. It happens to all of us, at some point or another.
I am most empathetic to your pain. I know how it feels to hear the words "I love you," and echo them; then to have them yanked back. However; I wasn't dealing with someone suffering with depression. It was a well-thought decision on his part. I had to accept the reality, and move on.
This is a learning-opportunity. Be careful of and more discerning, about what faults or flaws you think you can handle in people. Love requires both risk and trust. Sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. We also learn.
Stop trying to make sense of it, and focus more on getting over him and healing. You must remain strong and optimistic. It means someone better and much more reliable awaits in your future. This is only one romance on your way to finding him. We need experience, challenges, and a few obstacles to strengthen us and prepare us for better things to come. You only succeed when you're well-prepared! You need a few battle-scars to show you're fit for battle, sweetheart!
I know this; because WiseOwlE has been there, and done that!
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A
female
reader, Soulstar +, writes (8 May 2018):
Depression does awful things to a person's mind and spirit. They can face sudden highs and lows. At times they will get clingy to the source of their happiness and at other times they will reject that source even due to a sense of guilt or other reasons. It is not a very pretty thing to live it - just ask those who have suffered from it or have family suffering from it. As lovely as it is to walk with someone who has depression, it is a true calling best seen with the cold, hard eyes of reality rather than romanticism. The question isn't whether you should move on or not really. What you can consider is if you truly see yourself with this man long term? You have supported him as best you can for the short time you have been with him. But now take that and multiply it into months and even years. Add in sleepless nights, possibly threats of suicide, days of depressing talks and negative mind-sets, broken health for both parties due to the sheer mental, emotional and often physical exhaustion and toll it will take. Are you willing to commit to that and pay the price? Take into consideration that you will be the one giving and you may not receive much love or affection in return. If you go any deeper into this relationship and suddenly realize you cannot handle it and bail out, it will affect him even more badly. Or you may feel guilt and pity and feel forced to stick with him. Are you willing to do this? If not, you have your answer. It is not about him, it is about you and the choice you will make for your future. Choose with wisdom.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2018): Yes I agree with everyone else that this guy is just messing with your head.
Hooking and unhooking you!
The reason is that he thinks of all women as objects, not really as people with feelings at all.
He hasnt thought of you or felt any commitment to you.
Now he feels better he says he wants to meet other girls!
Or maybe he just wants to disappear.
He is not the man for you and you should feel carefree and glad that he has given you your freedom so easily because now you can enjoy it.
So sit back and remember that you are not going to go fishing for a hook that has just fallen down a drain because you are above that and have the whole beautiful ocean to swim in.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (7 May 2018):
 Well, you COULD hold out hope but guess what? You will be waiting for a very long time - probably forever.
This guy's treatment of you says a lot about him as a person and none of it is good.
You deserve so much better. Don't wait around for him. Get over your loss, brush yourself down and get on with your life. There are so many good people out there who DESERVE your love. Go and find yourself one.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (7 May 2018):
 Complete waste of time.
There’s no way you can be in love with someone then decide you’re not ready for commitment and dump them off. He was telling you what you wanted to hear to get you hooked before sloping off.
Whether he has depression or not he’s a complete messer and you shouldn’t waste another moment of your time thinking about him. Block, delete and move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 May 2018):
 You should move on.
No one can sustain the amount of attention, flowery prose and FAKE feelings for long. That is why is called "love bombing". Because they dump a butt-load of what seems like positive attention, affection and words and then they run away.
He wanted you HOOKED. He REELED you in and then he left you flopping on the ground as he walked away.
He NEEDS to date more people before he can commit? Sure... sarcasm No, he is NOT going to commit to you. Not now, not ever. He just wants to ASSURE that you MIGHT sit around and wait and hope he will show up in your life again.
YOU need to cut him off, TOTALLY. Cut him loose.
He didn't DO this because YOU are not good enough, but because HE knows HE isn't. He is VERY little to offer. That is why he says he needs to see other people. He will go skipping from girl to girl - someone hurt him in his past and now he is taking it out on EVERY single girl he meet. BY getting them hooked and then dumping them BEFORE they can dump him.
OP, he isn't the last guy out there.
CUT all contact, block, delete - whatever you need to do to make SURE he can't contact you EVER again. And that you can't contact him in some lame weak moment.
WANT more for yourself.
And remember OP, what a person says is not always the truth. WORDS are cheap. The whole " I supposedly was the only happy thing in his life but... " BULLSHIT OP, no one in their right mind would give up the ONE person that makes them feel that way (depression or not) so they can DATE around. Come on! Use a little common sense. (please).
Chin up ans WANT more than this. What he gave you was a fart in a glass. UTTERLY useless.
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