A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I met a guy at a festival and we had really good sex so we arranged to meet up again back home. We live different sides of the country so we met in the middle and got a hotel for the night. I was aware that this was just sex however what happened has really shocked me and made me feel awful. What do people think?Basically we had a lot of really good sex, had breakfast in the morning then I fell back asleep in bed. Next thing I know I wake up and he's vanished without saying bye and has left half the money for the hotel in cash on the bedside table next to me. I have promptly been deleted as a friend on facebook.I can't stop thinking about this and I feel so bad? Is it a sign that hook ups are not for me? I've always been VERY careful about my sexual partners in the past and my "number" is minimal, I don't know why I've changed now... Should I expect to be treated like this for being "slutty"?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): Hi this is the OP.Cindycares: yes you’re right hook ups are not for me. I deluded myself that I was happy with “just sex” but really its not in my nature to keep sex and emotions separate so I should just accept that. I also agree that the point of whether he was “right” or not could be debated for hours, I don’t even mind what the answer is because I will never see this man again so it is irrelevant whether he is a jerk or not... my post was more about finding out more about myself and thankfully a lot of you have helped with that.Mbill48: cheers, yeah a lot of people on here are very backward and critically thinking, it would be much appreciated if they took their irrational and unhelpful thoughts away from a site that is meant to help people. But hey! Also, yes a puzzling question indeed, I think its because he was genuinely attracted to me and wanted to get laid, however alot of men hold the mentality that once “something” has been conquered it then rapidly loses its appeal.Thanks for all your help, especially Cindy, Hannah76, Auntyalex, Marieclaire, anonymous, chigirl, Youwish and Mbill48I really think I have learnt more about myself, even if I’ve had to learn the hard way!
A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (14 September 2011):
 Firstly under no circumstances should you feel slutty.Casual flings are fine, but both people need to know that's what they are - as soon as one party isn't clear that's when it hurts.In this case he had one idea of the night ahead you, and you day you knew it was just sex - but i think maybe you hoped for something else? Or it's not the casual part that bothered you but by the way the night ended.You had breakfast together, you fell asleep for him to up and leave is quite disgraceful - that's the painful thing (has happened to me) a further kick is the fact he left money (but actually, that's quite a good thing he didn't leave you to pay the whole bill - that money was his contribution for the hotel and you must think of it as that, it wasn't left for the sex!)The friend thing, not sure - maybe he does feel bad, but I doubt it.My advise to you, deep breath, accept what happened - hold your head up high and put it down to experience!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): In terms of a casual encounter it was a huge success. You both knew it wasn't going anywhere, you both had some great sex and he went halves on the room. Granted, there is something that feels a bit seedy about the exchange of money in a hotel room, as it smacks of prostitution, I've been in your shoes. You will either go down this route again if you are the kind of girl who loves sex or it will put you off for life. Either way, it is just part of life's rich tapestry of experience. The good sex unfortunatley set off your bonding hormones so you are upset that there won't be more. That is just your biology working, that is what happens to women. That is why most women cannot handle casual sex, because it's hard on the emotions. Whereas for men, they can literally come and go because that is the end of the deal for them.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 September 2011):
 Yes, maybe random hook ups are not your style, you've got to become much more thick-skinned than you are for them.
We could debate for hours whether the guy was right or wrong, he had the " right " to act this way or not, he was more of a jerh than it's expectable, or not...
but the point is, when it's only sex , you don't give a damn either way. When you have done, you shower, dress up,pay the room and go merrily your way, whether he was nice or not.
The moment you start asking yourself the hows and whys, and feeling bad about the experience, it means that you want more than casual sex, and hook ups are not for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): Hi. I assume you had breakfast together, so i imagine you talked before he left and he didn't just disappear in the morning without a word. He might have thought he was being considerate by not waking you again before he went. And he did pay for his share of the hotel charges, which he could have avoided by sneaking off. So at least he wasn't cheap. If he has removed you from FB. That might be because he is done now and wants the meeting left in the past as he has a partner. Who knows! He wasn't really your friend and you don't know what is going on his life, so there could be any number of reasons why he has deleted you. Maybe he feels a little embarrassed about it all and removing you was a knee jerk reaction. In which case after he has given it some thought, he might try and 'add' you again. However the FB issue pans out, there is no kind way to say this but it does need considering. You might have set yourself up a little for the disappointment and feeling of being used. Because if you travel half way across the country to have a night of sex with someone you don't really know. You do run certain risks. Either a guy is going to totally appreciate what you are doing to have sex with him. He will think he is getting all his Christmases at once and treat you with consideration. Or he might think you are desperate and wonder how many others you do that sort of thing with. Because remember...he doesn't really know that much about your personality either. So he could have gained the wrong impression. At the end of the day. It doesn't sound as if you are quite cut out for this type of sexual liaison....at least not with someone you don't know. So dust yourself off and put this down to experience. He was bad mannered after the event but at least it was exciting for a while and you had a pleasurable time. If that sort of thing is not for you then that's cool. You have tried it, so you know for sure that you can say 'hook ups' with strangers aren't your thing. It is all life experience, so don't beat yourself up about it. Lots of us do things, then wonder what possessed us and wish there was a rewind button! I swiftly file my 'unfortunate events' under Character Building and then move on fast. Try and do the same x
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A
male
reader, mbill48  +, writes (14 September 2011):
Hi OPDon’t listen to all of the bull you hear from men about this. One question I’m asking myself is why did he make the trip? That has me puzzled. ButYou didn’t and don’t deserve being called a whore or hooker or any other bulsht you get from anyone about this. This site was I believe or hope was created to help people. I say this because I think it’s true.Maybe he simply forgot it. Maybe it was an accident to delete you. I don’t know.Will you ever have a chance meeting someone like this again in your life most likely you may. Does that mean it would happen again I really don’t think so. Does that make you what some have said about you true NO. You remember you did the best you could with the knowledge you had.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 September 2011):
 This guy-friend is very saavy.... Most girls would not only make him pay for the s#x.... but also make him pay for the room, breakfast and for gas for the drive home..... I think you should tender him and invoice for the rest (of what he didn't reimburse you)...Meanwhile, decide if this (hooking) is the career for you...Good luck....
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 September 2011):
 This is far from common... This sounds really weird, and not what anyone would expect, even for a casual hook-up!
Just as well he deleted you off fracebook, this sort of weird man isn't someone you need in your life. At least you got some good sex out of it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): Don't worry, you're not a slut! Hook-ups often don't work out, especially if you're not living relatively close to one another. It's most likely that this guy's already in a relationship, and a one-night stand is not what he needs in his reputation. Casual relationships rarely work out honey, and I think that you should put this one-night stand down in your experience. Sex is all about what you're comfortable with, and if you're not comfortable with getting hurt from dissappearing sexual partners, you may need to accept the fact that things like this are not your cup of tea.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 September 2011):
 You weren't mistreated. It was a one-night stand, or casual sex. He could have said goodbye rather than vanished, but casual sex is never the first step to a relationship.
I'm thinking he deleted you off of Facebook because he has people on there he didn't want to know that the two of you hooked up. His behavior makes me think that he's cheating on someone, right down to the guilty disappearance and the Facebook deletion.
I'd say chalk it up to a learning experience, and a realization that you prefer sex in meaningful relationships. You're not slutty, I promise! It was an adventure in self-discovery.
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (13 September 2011):
 Well, you both hooked up. He just viewed things as a night of passion, paid his half for the hotel and then went back to his hometown. He deleted as he has now finished with things. Casual is not for me but look back on things as fun, exciting and he paid half of hotel.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 September 2011):
 Well at least he paid for half the hotel bill, better than nothing. And yes I'd definitely say casual hookups are not for you.
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (13 September 2011):
 First thing is, no you should not ever expect to be treated like this by anyone in any situation.Casual sex does have a habit of leaving people feeling the way you do, as there is no commitment and the other person can just leave or stop talking without reason. That said the way this guy acted is down to him and not you, he acted childish because that is who he is and not because of anything you have done. You certainly should not blame yourself and should also not expect or except being treated like this.Maybe you are not ready for casual relationships, because they very rarely turning into anything else than sex and do often end with one person being hurt, and if yoy do choose to do something similar than maybe just keep in mind that things like this can happen.
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