A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and unclesHere's my problem...my partner broke up with me six weeks ago after three years. I was upset but the spark in our relationship had disappeared long ago and so I was happy to move out.I missed him for a couple of weeks and then I met someone new who I've been dating for two weeks. I realise it's quite soon after our split but my new guy is the complete opposite to my ex and we've found we've got a lot in common. I'm not rushing into anything with him I'm just enjoying his company and spending time with him. My ex has heard I've been seeing someone and he called me last night. He gave me a load of abuse and then asked me to get back with him.I do miss him and I understand he's hurting because I moved on so quickly but our relationship had run its course long before we split up, I didn't love him anymore and we stayed together out of convenience until he asked me to leave. I feel bad for seeing this new guy because I'm feeling sorry for my ex. He promised to change and be more caring towards me and I'm tempted to give it another go just because I feel guilty that he's all on his own but should I get back with him if I'm not in love with him? Could I fall back in love with him again or should I stay away? I'm at a loss
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female
reader, -BMBTL- +, writes (28 July 2014):
 Glad that these replies have been helpful to you! :)
You're right though, if you don't feel it then I guess even if you do feel sorry for him, it's just not fair on you to give up what you truly want to make him happy.
I think maybe he doesn't even KNOW what he wants, he just wants something, so you to him is better than having no-one. People are scared of change and breaking their habits, so he just doesn't want to be alone, and feels jealous of you having someone else, because he doesn't.
I hope you are able to realise that you shouldn't feel bad about it and can move on and enjoy your relationship with your new guy! :)
Good luck for the future :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyoneThank you so much for all your answers, they have helped so much.Yes I felt guilty for moving on so quick after we'd only been split up for a few weeks. He said he never meant to break it off with me but the majority of the time I wasn't happy with him so I'm glad he did. I can't help feeling sorry for him though, even though he gave me a lot of abuse when he found out I was seeing someone else, I do understand that maybe he is hurting and such is the reason I kept it from him.We had nothing in common and we both wanted different things out of life, even though he said he'd give up on his dreams for the future just to win me back....I wouldn't want him to do that because my heart wouldn't be in it. I just hope he finds someone who is looking for the same things as him because it's definitely not me!Thank you all again for your answers!
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (27 July 2014):
 You do realize what's happening, don't you? He kicked you to the curb. Now he knows someone else is seeing you and you're interested in you. This is ego. It's like the kid who drops his toy and doesn't care about it until he sees another kid playing with it, and now he wants it again because the other kid has it. As soon as the kid is successful taking the toy away from the other kid, he'll play with it for 5 minutes and then drop it again.
How the hell can you feel sorry for a guy who gives you abuse? He didn't apologize for how he treated you. He threw you out of the house. He made his bed and now he needs to lie in it. You are a fool if you have anything more to do with him. He is mistreating you even now. He didn't call you because he missed you. He called you because he didn't like that someone else was playing with the toy he discarded. As soon as you go back with him, he'll give you more abuse and then discard you again.
If you go back with this guy you are a fool. Stay with the new guy. Let the past be the past, and if you're too confused for now, then break up with both and clear your head. But block your ex from your phone and life. He shouldn't be allowed to talk to you again.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (26 July 2014):
 Stay far away from him. He called you up telling you all types of garbage then later asks you to get back with him? No way! I think he is just jealous and possessive. He doesn't want anyone else to have you and he doesn't want to see you happy with anyone else and you know what? The minute you get back with him he will continue his disgusting behavior and continue to abuse you. Why would you feel sorry for him? After all, he told YOU to leave! Now suddenly he wants you back. He wasn't even sincere about how he went about everything! He told you a bunch of crap then asks you to get back with him. . . And you feel sorry for who now?! No darling, just move on with you life and leave this Ex in your past where he deserves to stay and most certainly belongs. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, -BMBTL- +, writes (26 July 2014):
Hey there,
"my partner broke up with me", "I was upset", "I missed him for a couple of weeks and then I met someone new", "My ex has heard I've been seeing someone", "He gave me a load of abuse","I'm feeling sorry for my ex", "Could I fall back in love with him again"
That is what you have said, read that yourself, what does that sound like? Yes, jealousy. He is jealous you're with somebody knew and doesn't like that fact. HE broke up with YOU now he is upset as you've moved on. If you'd broke up with HIM, yeah he'd be upset, but he BROKE it off not you, so you're entitled to do what you have done!
When you said he gave you lots of abuse and then asked you to get back with him, what an oxymoron - You don't have time for this and you need to focus on being happy yourself and not to go backwards.
You state here as well about falling in love again, yes, people can, but it doesn't sound like it here as you have already said you have moved on.
Do you WANT to be with him? Or do you just feel sorry/maybe even guilty as you have someone knew? Remember this was his doing, he broke up with you, so why is he so upset?
I've been in positions where people have broken up with ME, therefore I feel extremely upset and would want the person back, but if I had chosen to break up with someone, then HE, as that person, shouldn't be acting this way.
I hope my reply makes sense! Feel free to reply and I will try help more! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2014): "I do miss him and I understand he's hurting because I moved on so quickly..."
Why do you feel sorry for your abusive ex? It's great that you moved on quickly. Find yourself a healthy relationship and someone who will treat you with respect. Don't think twice about your ex. Put your foot down. Why should you feel sorry for abusive people? Clear your head. Don't let your propensity to feel sympathy for others misguide you.
"He promised to change and be more caring towards me"
I can't count how many times an ex has played this card. I see it all the time on this site.
People on here asking questions about how to win their ex back usually say they're willing to make things right again. They go into this spiel about how they know they did wrong, but they want a second chance as though they are entitled to it.
People on here asking about an ex who wants them back describe how their ex has promised to be a better person.
Lies. It's just a tactic. A trick.
"I'm tempted to give it another go just because I feel guilty that he's all on his own but should I get back with him if I'm not in love with him?"
Again, don't feel guilty about an abusive ex. Move along and find someone else. Your ex just wants you back so you can be his little punching bag again.
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A
female
reader, Mistresskiki +, writes (26 July 2014):
He got in touch with you AFTER he heard you are seeing someone else, and then he gave you "a load of abuse"???
And HE asked you to leave????
He's shown he was only bothered because you were seeing someone else and then is nasty about it and you wonder if you should get back together because he's made you feel guilty.
In my honest opinion this would be one of the worst reasons to get back together, ever.
If you have moved on, and are happy with your new chap, why on Earth would you go back to being miserable with someone who has shown what an immature ass he is?
I think you know my opinion.
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