A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I got married a few months ago, it was a rushed wedding, after barely knowing each other we married because she told me to get married because I was having trouble with my immigration status and it would give me a green card and working visa quickly. I asked her to really think about this because marriage is a huge commitment,and she said I like you and I want to help you out. Okay, so we did get married, and did all the regular things married couples do, got a wedding party, honeymoon, went on trips together etc... the problem to me was the amount of debt she had. she seemed very irresponsible with money, as she had several defaults on credit card payments, had debt settlements, unpaid student loans etc... because i was grateful that she helped me out, i offered to help her out as well, she moved into my place, and i took care of all bills, and all trips we went on. In as little as five months time, we went all over the place, always staying in nice hotels, having nice dinners, and i paid for it all. we were in love. one day, however after realizing she would very often be texting late at night or early in the morning, i checked our joint phone account, and found out she was sending 200 plus messages a month to her ex girlfriend, I confronted her, and she said she had already deleted the messages and the messages didnt mean anything. i wanted to believe her and i told her okay, please change this i dont want you to be talking to your ex all the time. she said yes sure, and i found out a month later she went to visit her ex in the hospital and was still talking to her. meanwhile, i was getting a little frustrated having to pay for all bills, and her not really contributing much whenever we went away on trips, or in the household. I finally decided this summer i wanted to go and visit my family in a different country, she told me she really would like to join me. i told her that i would really prefer to go alone, because i knew about her financial situation and i knew would end up having to fund the trip for her too, and lately i already spend so much on our previous trips. I also hadnt seen my parents in a very long time and wanted to spend some alone time with my folks and reconnect without her. immediately after she heard i would rather travel to see my parents alone, she started calling me names, telling me i was stupid and boring, and i was a fake person, because i didnt right now want to introduce my wife to my parents. i told her that i did, but that i wanted to see them now in the summer by myself first and during xmas towards the end of the year, we could visit together. that way we could also save some more money to travel around. she got really upset and told me I was a loser, and that she never really liked me in the first place because i was a weirdo and she never really stopped talking to her ex. she picked up all of her stuff from my place and told me to never contact her again. that was a few days ago. I think however that given that she wasnt really truthful about her ex, and the multitude of trips i had funded for her in the past, i really had the right to go and see my parents and spend some time with them. I really think that its borderline abusive what she did, and also to leave me for such a stupid issue. I dont want to go back to her and beg her to come back. what do you think about the situation? does it sound like she really loves me? dont you think that if this marriage was so important to her, she would have stopped seeing her ex, and communicating with the ex? or am I seeing this wrong?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your valuable insights, you confirmed what I thought and told me what I needed to hear. I haven't contacted her, because I feel there is indeed an absence of love. She does sometimes do small things for me, but she would never go out of her way for me.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (26 July 2014):
 Let me make this very clear: she does not love you, she does not take your marriage seriously, she just wants to milk you of all that you can do for her (which she's been doing well so far, i mean, paid for rent, food and holidays? That's a dream!) And also, she entered into this seeing it as a business agreement. Now let me explain this. To her, you get your working visa and green card while because of all her debts she gets seen to by a generous and sweet enough guy. It's a win-win right? WRONG! All because you believed from the start that it was although rushed, a legitimate marriage which sorry to say, is not. Why did she throw a fit? Well the answer to that is not because she wanted to meet your parents, no miss, its because she wanted another travel location added to her passport. She wanted to travel again without paying a cent but guess who she expected the trip to be funded by? That's right, Ms generous, YOU! She doesn't really care about you, that's why she could freak out over something so small, she just cares about all that you can do for her while she continues to live her care-free life while drowning in debt and not giving a damn. Well you guys just got married and I've really no idea what you plan on doing however I would steer clear of this woman if its the last thing I do. Think clearly about everything. Even if you do accept her back, cling to your wallet a lot more than before and she'll either get the message and help pay for certain things or she'll realize the well is dryer than before and make a run for the hills in search of a well that is more full. Good luck though.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (26 July 2014):
That doesn't sound like a marriage to me. You are just her ticket to being debt free and simply put, she is taking you for granted. She wants to manipulate you and have you wrapped around her finger but by now, chances are that she doesn't need you anymore. She may even think you want to cheat on her, after all, cheater accuse the other person first. I am not even sure if anything is able to be salvaged because...I don't think she loves you. But, I could be wrong. Does she do anything for you? Does she do anything for the marriage? Is she still cheating on you? I call it cheating since you pretty much didn't know about it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2014): "I dont want to go back to her and beg her to come back."
You won't have to. Believe me, she will quickly forgive you and take you back because her hissy fit was all an act deliberately staged to keep you on the defensive so she can keep you under her thumb.
"what do you think about the situation?"
You entered into a marriage of convenience because a conniving wench plotted to entice you into a marriage of convenience; you get a green card and working visa while she gets claim to half your assets while sticking you with half her debts.
"does it sound like she really loves me?"
No.
"dont you think that if this marriage was so important to her, she would have stopped seeing her ex, and communicating with the ex?"
Yes.
"or am I seeing this wrong?"
You seem to be a little slow on the uptake.
I support same-sex marriage because I believe gays should have the same right as straights to rush into disastrous marriages for all the wrong reasons, making a mockery of the institution in the process. Thank you for validating my position.
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