A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my girlfriend stood me up on valentines day saying she needed to study for exams.i had made some pretty big plans and felt really horrible. at first I didn't tell her about this but she realized something was bothering me so i finally told her that i had made big plans for our valentines day. at first she felt really guilty but i told her that we can reschedule and she said okbut it's now been two weeks and she's still saying she's too busy with school, and the one time (yesterday) i did mention that this means a lot to me she got upset and said that she's stressed out and can't handle that kind of "pressure". i didn't say it in a "feel bad for me" way, it actually does mean a lot to me to show my girlfriend a wonderful night togetheras she goes further into school she's seeming to get more and more like this and just expecting me to deal with it. we do see each other at school (we go to same school) but our off-campus dates have dwindled to almost nothing now and it's really hurting me. i mean i get school can be a lot of work but she seriously can't seem to find even one evening for us.i wish she'd just chill out and relax for once... it's almost like she wants to be this stressed. she involves herself in anything she can, she takes the maximum number of classes you can take at once and so on, then she complains about stress... i'd love to see her just calm down and enjoy a night out without all that pressure and stress from school to worry her...maybe she's a workaholic i dunno... but am i wrong to feel this way? all i wanted to do was take her out on valentines day, or even another day later if that wasn't going to work, but it's now two weeks later and she hasn't found one day for us, because she's always got some school thing going on. how can I help her? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013): College relationships are flaky and weird. Hot girls everywhere, and available dudes everywhere they look. Everyone is calling your girlfriend a coward. Hey, it must be hard to dump a nice guy, who goes out of his way to show a woman how much he cares for her. At least she didn't dump you in a text message. (*shiver*) Don't be a wuss. Open you eyes dude!You have to be a man and move on. You don't have to be dangling on her string, waiting for her to find time to be with her boyfriend. Tell her you want to talk to her and you've come to a decision. Then just tell her (to her face) it's over. In a short and undramatic manly way, tell her you're going to start seeing women who have time for you. I know you feel strongly; but a man's got to do what man's got to do. She'll pretend to be devastated; but inside she'll jump for joy because you had the nuggets to take a hint. Don't be bitter or angry. It's not her fault you ignored subtle hints that were screaming "I don't want to see you anymore." She has every right to stick to her studies and see other guys if she wants. You've reached your expiration date.By the way, focus on your studies. It's a good way to get over her. Start a study group with some good-looking smart women. There's a ton of great women out there waiting for a good guy.Not being harsh, man. It is what it is.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 February 2013):
 I'm in agreement with those that say she's taking the cowards way out of ending this by forcing you to end it based on her not making time for you.
when I met my husband he told me he had no time for friends or relationships as he played his game all the time.
that worked for me as he was fun and games for me...
guess what... folks who want to be with someone MAKE TIME FOR THEM.... I know when I was in college and dating my first husband... we had STUDY dates... different schools and classes but we would get together and be in the same room to study... so when we took a break we had time to talk and spend time together... have a meal then study...
then I'd go home...
the only way to know if this is true for her is to stop rowing your relationship boat and see what she does... does she make an effort or is the relationship only moving when you make the effort and she's just coasting along....
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (26 February 2013):
 If you're girl is too busy to see you and stands you up on Valentine's day you're OUT I'm afraid to say buddy. The fact she won't even make it up to you is also a sign.
If she really wanted to see you she'd make time for you (somewhere). However, she is getting on with her life WITHOUT you in it.
Move on and find someone else who wants to spend time with you.
Shame she can't be honest with you and just tell you but she is blowing you off and waiting for you to dump her so she doesn't feel guilty.
You're out of there my friend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): A full curriculum has many demands. She is serious about her studies, and it's certainly that time of year when she is approaching exams and has to buckle down. College is very expensive and demanding, and she has to discipline herself to meet her academic responsibilities. Are her parents paying her tuition, is she on scholarship, does she have to work to pay her own tuition? You didn't mention these factors. They would force her to choose work over play.I wouldn't call her a coward. She is only committed to her academic achievement. However; if she doesn't have time for her boyfriend, then she owes it to you to set you free. If she was unaware of what you planned, she couldn't know the trouble you went through. However; she should make it her business to make it up to you, if she really cares. Otherwise; find yourself a girlfriend who can balance her social and academic life. You obviously can do it, and deserve someone who has time for a romantic and caring guy.Be prepared for her to be upset if you dump her! You've made every effort to show her that she was your main priority. We don't appreciate some things, until we lose them.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 February 2013):
 Sorry to say this, but I think she's sending you the message that you don't fit in her life. She's taking the coward's approach in blowing you off and hoping you take a subtle hint in order to just fade out of her life rather than being the bad guy and breaking up with you.
It's one thing to study for exams, but this isn't what's happening here. You also have school, but you make time for her. She's trying to move away from you.
Best on this one to let her go. She'll either realize that she doesn't want to let you go, or it's as I said -- she wanted out but didn't have the guts to tell you.
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A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (26 February 2013):
 Sadly what your girlfriend is really trying to say is that she's had enough of your relationship. The best thing to do is don't contact her. Don't ring her, don't text her, don't email her etc. etc. Leave it up to her to make the next move. If she doesn't contact you then at least you will know she's no longer interested. Quite frankly if she's too busy to be bothered with you then why waste anymore time on her. If she does contact you then you'll just have to take it from there.
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A
female
reader, Teenage-Rebel +, writes (26 February 2013):
 You have every right to feel this way, best thing to do is say to her how you're feeling and maybe suggest that a Friday or Saturday night can be a "date night" and all school work has to be done before that, or if you or her want to see friends it has to be done during the day of the Saturday or Sunday. That way she can get all the work done and still have an night off.
Suggest the date night thing, and lets say from 6pm onwards you and her just chill out, watch a movie or do what you planned on valentines day :)
good luck
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A
female
reader, lonesome101 +, writes (26 February 2013):
 Ok, for starters, why on earth do you think she needs help? From what you have written, it seems like she is striving to reach her full academic potential... not having some sort of breakdown. Academia IS stressful, especially if one wants to do well. By pushing her to take time out, you are almost certainly coming across as needy and could well be pushing her away. I am 'in' academia, and I often do not have time for things outside of my work... when people repeatedly ask, it feels very much like additional pressure and often results in me keeping myself to myself.There is also the chance that she is trying to distance herself from you to end the relationship. If I don't want to see someone, I will say I am busy even if I am not. I am not saying this is the case, but it is something to consider. I am really sorry that you planned a big evening for her and she couldn't make it. That is really very disappointing and you have every right to be upset... however, she did not know that you had planned this, and so cannot be accused of deliberately trying to hurt you. If you love this woman you need to be more supportive of her pursuits. What 'school things' does she have going on? If you don't know, I suggest you try finding out... It sounds to me like she is ambitious and driven and, speaking from the point of view of a woman that fits exactly that description, if you want her, you are going to have to accept her as she is. If, however, you would rather have a girlfriend that has more time for you, then you need to call it quits; you are never going to be able to sculpt her into something she is not.
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