A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have posted some very similar questions on here already but I am still trying to win my husband's love and trust back. He left me and while separated I had a fling and I really regret it. He knows about it and I am living with him again, but he is extremely distant. I have visited many sites and I have tried everything they say. Maybe I have not tried long enough. I did alot of things wrong that made him leave in the first place and I know my mistakes and I admitted I did wrong. I have tried everyday to show him I have changed, but still nothing. Please someone, anyone tell me what I need to do? I am all ears !!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI called it a fling because it happened only once. We were separated and I had tried to get him back before that even happened. I understand your point. I just called it a fling on here because it meant absolutely nothing to me. I got drunk and did something extremely stupid. I know that. I am crucifying myself on that. I just need advice on what to do to get him back.
I have never said that i did nothing wrong. This is my first and hopefully my only marriage. I need advice. I am young and I have had to learn from all my mistakes. I just want to know some things i can do to show him how much i really do love him. Please help, I am really sorry for everything i did.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010): you say "I did alot of things wrong that made him leave in the first place...'so he was justified in moving out, wasn't he? ans what did you do, you opened them legs to the first man available (???), sorry to be crude but you did not value your marriage at all. in fact you destroyed it further. instead of working on your mistakes you CHOOSE to sleep with another man while still married. your hb has a lot to think about and this PAIN and TURMOIL he is going through is unbelivable right now. frankly i don't think he will ever get past your cheating, and YES YOU CHEATED on your hb. next time you have marital problems instead of CHOOSING to have sex with someone else, CHOOSE to work on your marriage instead. in this way it will save you and your hb a lot of pain. even without saying it, i think you know that your hb is struggling with your cheating. mere words will not remove the betrayal, your actions going forward will be the key factor whether he actually forgives you. time is a major factor here. your hb is going through such anguish and he needs time to make peace with your cheating/affair.and to the last anon male, you hit it on the head. when women cheat they seemed to be pardoned here on DC, but when a man pulls his pants down for another woman he is almost crucified. i am so glad you have also noticed the double standards on this site. it sends out the worng message, doesn't it. "Why is it when women Cheat they call it a "Fling",, but when men have a "fling" they are Cheaters ????? Somehow a "fling" isn't any big deal but Cheating is horrible??" valid point! instead of using the word "fling" use the proper word "affair".
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2010): I've gotta say,, couple of the females answers are pretty off the wall..
Why is it when women Cheat they call it a "Fling",, but when men have a "fling" they are Cheaters ????? Somehow a "fling" isn't any big deal but Cheating is horrible??
Anyway,, You did't say what the mistakes were (can't answer what you don't tell..) but, apparently it was bad enough Hubby moved out correct ?? (Uh, his moving out to sort out his feelings was not a licence to cheat btw, but you know that now right?) You've not given any timeline how long you and he has been back together, etc..
You have sliced into his heart pretty deeply, and that wound is not going to heal over 1-2 months. Reverse the situation How long would you be distant had he been the one having this "fling"? How long would you feel cheated on-rejected- and feeling like a 2nd class human ???
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (9 January 2010):
 Honest communication always make a thing better. Honest means, the words you give must be supported by other words and with your deed also. Just sit, and listen his liking about sexual matter, be free and honest and win his heart with lovable talk.
Please remember, husband and wife can share anything on sexual matter, provided honesty is maintained.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2010): I think the other post is right - and you both are dealing with a great deal at the moment. Give him time and maybe a little more space. I think its important you demonstrate he is an important part of your life but you also need other things to enrich life - perhaps that way you are bringing more to the situation through hobbies and interests - and he will see you in a different light too. This is an opportunity for you to both grow so maybe diversify and try new things together and apart so you can put the 'old life' in the past once and for all.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 January 2010):
What no one has probably told you is that when men get hurt or upset, they fall silent so they can think about what they want to do. He's distant because he's thinking and because he's worried he'll get hurt again. But he has come back to you, and he is with you, which is a good sign. Be there, keep reassuring him and keep telling him you love him and hopefully he'll come around. And don't forget he left you in the first place, and you were single when you had your fling, so don't be so hard on yourself.
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A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (9 January 2010):
 Have you tried sitting him down and talking to him?
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