A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I know there are a ton of questions about this, but.. my boyfriend and I had a long distance relationship for 8.5 months at the time, the longest we went without seeing each other was about 3 weeks though. After my birthday, which he came to see me for, he told me that a week or 2 prior, him and a girl he works with kissed at a party, alcohol was involved [not an excuse]. This came as a shock mostly because I was naive thinking our relationship was impenetrable, but also because he was [and is!] the one who's so smitten with me! it was such a surprise. I'm the one who's at school, surrounded by more opportunities to cheat, obviously I'm more loyal but regardless, when this happened he said he pulled away quickly and said he couldnt do it. He felt sick afterward. The girl also has a bf! but everyone thinks she has a crush on mine.After he told me, he came up to my school four hours away, brought me flowers, cried, I sent him home that night.I forgave him. Why cant I forget it though?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you, all these answers were very helpful and just what i was looking for.
it's hard to explain to people that i've BEEN through and gotten myself through all the "he's a jerk, he cheated on me, I hate him" and now I'm past that, to the point of forgiveness and helping myself get over it. thank you for realizing he does care - I of course know he does! it sucks to think about, but in the end I am glad and hope we can fully move on from this forever.
thanks again.
A
female
reader, lisarocksyoursocksoff  +, writes (12 May 2007):
 maybe because he is meant to be yours and the fact that you had to face the possibility that he might not be as much yours as you think. it's hard to imagine also how anyone can let situations liek this happen but i know how you feel, the fact is though if it hasn't broken your trust in him then i think you will be able to forget about it in due time. there is a reason you forgave him; because you beleived him and he gave no other reason not too. it could also be that you can't forget because maybe you feel more strongly about him then you've realised
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2007): I'm with eve on this and would also say to give it time. These kind of testing experiences will happen in your life with anyone regardless of how amazing they seem. It seems to me he is an honest person and I have no doubt this mistake of his will probably cause him to never ever repeat anything like it. It's been a painful experience for you both but I'm sure a lot of good can come from it, if you let it.
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A
female
reader, Suzie767 +, writes (12 May 2007):
 this happened to me 3 years ago in my relationship and i still havent forgot about it. my guy went on 2 dates with this girl tho who happened to be a friend of his ex and knew some of the people i knew.
i also had to find out about this from a friend of mine and another of his ex's.
its not nice that this has happened but your guy obviously cares about you alot to tell you it happened- its important that he has been honest with you and will help you regain your trust knowing that if he does make a msitake he will tell you rather than him doing all sorts behind your back and you being clueless
if you have forgave him over time you will forget
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (12 May 2007):
 He IS very loyal to you! He didn't have to tell you what happened but he did. He even tried to make it up to you and you sent him home. ALL men will be presented with opportunities, he is no different, but he didn't go there, he could have but he didn't so he should be commended for that. Other guys would have seized the opportunity and said nothing about it, especially as your relationship is long distance.
You can't forget it for a number of reasons. You never thought this could happen with him. You're probably a bit jealous that someone else came on to him. Because he seems so taken with you you probably thought that's the last thing that would ever happen. He didn't go there though... You should be flattered that someone else likes your boyfriend enough to try it on with him and even more flattered and proud that he resisted!
I would forget about it and tell him you're so glad he didn't get involved with this other girl. Other girls would love to have a boyfriend as caring and loyal as you have so don't throw it all away because of this, embrace it as proof that he really cares for you and wouldn't jeopardise his relationship with you for anything!
Eve
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