A
male
age
36-40,
*ldaris90
writes:Ok I am in the military and work full time on active duty however I also work full time at home, I cannot get my wife to do anything around the house to help! I am not the kind of guy to say she should do 100% at the house but she don't do anything but watch tv and read books; I vaccum, I do the laundry, I do the dishes and I cook; most of all she is this way with my daughter as well, my kid pretty much ends up watching cartoons all day when I am at work and on top of me doing everything else at home I spend time with my child. If I do nothing then literally nothing gets done. Another issue wich at this point don't bother me as much as it used to but still does my wife has no interest in sex at all and I won't lie I am a man and would love sex in my marriage. I feel like a single parent at times and thought about divorce but I want to be a good father and husband and also to have a good marriage, I understand no marriage is perfect but I do not know what else to do.My wife and I have gone to marriage retreats and a little bit of marriage counseling but she is not interested in anything involving trying to make our marriage better, If anyone has any advise for me I would greatly appreciate it.
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male
reader, aldaris90 +, writes (29 September 2010):
aldaris90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFor the 2 ladies thank you for the advice and have done everything you all have recommended already but I feel like I should keep fighting, Ihave been praying and feel like god has given me a bit more strength to keep fighting to make this work. I love my wife so much and I am going to keep on going.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): mostly my wife goes to church and does work as well and cooks, cleans better than me. but doesn't do either. i am just tired of being the maid, butler, launder, cook etc. it doesn't help that we don't have sex at all. i have started hanging out overnight with the boys. never had sex outside of this. just not wanting to be home. i love her but in 18 yrs i can count on one hand how many times shes vacuumes, mopped the floors, washes the clothes etc. i know if i would love god like she does we would be the bomb but i won't fake what i really don't believe in. in 2004 she told me she wasn't happy, never was happy, and there was never any good times. i thought it was going good. so being hurt i left and came back three years later. i'm still the same doing the same things so how can she feel any different. i am at the end here and want to walk away so she can do better than me. this guy should stick it out for the better but how can i say that when i feel frustrated. i asked her. when was the last time we made love or even kissed. she couldn't even remember. i am onse again crushed. i just want her to be happy. with or without me. sorry i didn't help here. just venting.
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A
female
reader, motherhen  +, writes (24 September 2010):
Hi Buddy,
Sorry to hear that you are finding things so tough at home, it must be hard to juggle so many things with little support.
I do think that it sounds like your wife may be suffering from depression, has there been any history of this with her? I have suffered with post-natal depression myself and one of the main symptoms of depression is a lack of interest in any day to day activities. This may explain the lack of interest in the home, your daughter, sex etc.
Maybe have a chat with her about how she is feeling, maybe she could talk things over with your family doctor if she's finding things hard.
Of course it may be that she is suffering with lazyitis and is taking advantage of you, but as her husband you will have a gut feeling about what the cause is likely to be.
Best of luck, for what it's worth you sound like a really lovely husband :-)
xxx
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 September 2010):
 Not much of advice, but you got to make her listen and see how important it is that she show she cares about the marriage.
But, she can not possibly only be reading books. I know often it is easy to be so overwhelmed by the things you do yourself, that you fail to see what others are doing (you=people in general). Or, others already did things, but you have a critical view or are picky, and end up doing their work twice.
How long have this been going on? Maybe you and your wife together could write down a list of chores that need to be done often around the house. Then you split the list between you to see who actually does what. Then if the lists come out not evenly, agree together on what should be done.
Focus on that you are not having this talk with her to frame her, but to easy your burden so that both of you can have a happier marriage.
Leave the sex thing for now. That is a different battle. One battle at a time. If you can get a system going for the chores, and make things work in that area, then you can slowly move over to the bedroom department.
This will not be a quick fix. It can take years before you find a good routine that works. If she has been lazy for years, it will take a long time to get out of her current habits as well. But things can change. Just keep your eyes on the goal and work towards it. It is to be expected that she might to well some periods, and then some periods do badly, as long as the bad periods don't last for too long.
But be aware that you are not her father, you are her husband, and she is your equal. Never disrespect, even if you don't agree with how she does things.
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