A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok so there's this friend of mine, lets call him *dave, who i get on with famously. but friday night he had far too much to drink and ended up making a pass at me.now thankfully he didn't force me or anything but he didn't exactly stop pressing the matter either. i ended up taking him home and putting him to bed, when he insisted i stayed the night. needless to say i turned him down on this as well and headed home.i have a boyfriend of 2 years and i love him dearly. but i can't help but think about what could have happened with *dave, his almost kiss has been haunting me these past couple of days.. what might have happened if i stayed the night instead of being a faithful girlfriend.am i allowed to have these thoughts? i feel filthy for having them. i feel like i've almost betrayed my boyfriend for having them, but i can't think why they're wrong; i mean they're just thoughts, it's not like i acted on them, quite the opposite in fact.so why do i feel like i've done something wrong?please help me get my head straight. it's driving me mad.thanks, Anon x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (30 October 2013):
 Having those thoughts isn't wrong. It's human nature to wonder about the unknown in all kinds of situations. What if I went into that career instead of this one, what if I didn't break up with my ex, what if I won the lottery tomorrow... you get the idea :) Likewise, people have a variety of fantasies that they never act on and never will. What you describe could easily be classified as such a fantasy. Is every guy or girl who has ever daydreamed about making out with (insert celebrity here) being unfaithful to their partner if they have one? I wouldn't say so. This may feel a little weirder to you because it's someone you know, but as long as you don't try to act on it, you've done nothing wrong.What's important is that in REALITY you made the right and honorable choice, so be proud of yourself for that. You sound like a good person and I think you're beating yourself up way too much over something very trivial.Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes :)
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 October 2013):
"Allowed"? Who is it that'd be allowing you? You can have those thoughts if you allow yourself to. Obviously you did, so yes, you're allowed.
Thoughts are thoughts. Don't worry about it... unless you action them your thoughts are really just fantasy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2013): Don't beat yourself up about it. It's normal to wonder what could have happened; however, you're not having to wonder what to do if you had stayed the night and cheated on your boyfriend. Which do you think is worse?You are a good girlfriend. It's human to wonder what it's like with another guy. That will cross your mind; but your feelings for your boyfriend will allow the curiosity to subside. If he's human, it has probably crossed his mind a few times about other girls. Hopefully, he has put you ahead of the rest, just like you did."What if," is the question that is going to plague your mind like the "shouldhave's-couldhave's or wouldhave's" of yet more life to come. Overcoming obstacles or challenges to your loyalty is what being committed is all about. You're still human. You don't stop being attracted to other people. You can't jeopardize your relationship by giving in to an impulse you may regret later. You did the right thing. You're the best kind of friend to have.Just stay prepared to deal with them as more challenges present themselves. Relationships take work, and you'll be faced with temptation again and again. Just do what you'd hope he would be doing; if such a situation presented itself to your boyfriend.
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