A
female
age
41-50,
*enie53uk
writes:should i still stay with him hi all heres the thing I've given my bf chances, well I think too many chances but i have given him chances to prove to me that he wants to be with me . see hes not working and hasnt been for the 2 and half years been together . now in those two and half years hes stolen money from my purse and then I found out he's stolen money from my card actually used my cash card at cash point . when I asked him he said no and then he suddenly denied he did it . I've given him so many chances I keep thinking he just wants me for the money as what he wants I stupidly give him. he wants a phone I buy it and he want cigarettes I buy him them . I dont know what to do, stay or leave him?
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, 2manytimes +, writes (7 June 2010):
Oh honey, i have just been in exactly the same position. I've read all the answers to your question and of course they are all right. My boyfriend was exactly the same, but what is not mentioned is all the good things about him. I let my boyfriend get away with it for a year and a half because yes I loved him, but also he had a lot of good qualities. I am a single mother, i financially supported him, paid for his cigarettes, his phone, all his bills and he contributed pretty much nothing. The crunch came when I found out - actually just on Tuesday - that he had stolen and pawned all my jewellery, including a diamond ring left to me by sister who died 5 years ago. I gave excuses for my boyfriend for a long time, deep down he was a good bloke, but to steal from me after I had given him everything, was unforgiveable. You need to get rid of this guy. however hard it is, and believe me i know how hard it is. He will just get worse and eventually bleed you completely dry. There is no excuse for this behaviour and you have to stand up for yourself and stop it - no one else will do it for you. you are worth more, however you view yourself just trust that you are worth more. please find the strength and believe you deserve better. guys like this are totally selfish and all your love and kindness will not change him.. it will only leave you heart broken.
A
female
reader, MsBehavin  +, writes (7 June 2010):
 Wow. I know how much this sucks because I've been there. My EX-husband (please note the emphasis on the "EX") turned into a deadbeat that didn't work, didn't look for a job and was all too happy to let me support us. I've always tried to look for the best in people, so I didn't realize right away that I was being completely taken advantage of.
It wasn't until I filed for divorce that I realized how terrible of a situation he'd put me in: he emptied our joint bank account and then left me responsible for all the bounced checks and NSF fees; I found out that he'd opened several joint credit cards and maxed them out; I was in debt to the tune of $17,000 and never had a damn thing to show for it; and the cherry on top was that while I was *AT WORK*, he loaded up the entire contents of our house into a U-Haul and took everything -- furniture, appliances, clothing, dishes, etc. The only thing he left was my wedding dress hanging in the closet.
So, my advice: RUN! Get out as quickly as you can! You've already caught him stealing from you in the past; but what about the stuff he's taken that you haven't noticed?! I was totally blindsided and I would never want to see anything remotely similar happening to anyone else. Especially if they had the choice to leave.
...............................
A
female
reader, laetitia  +, writes (6 June 2010):
 Break up with him - he is causing you more problems than bringing you happiness. When that balance is interrupted, then it's more beneficial for you to be single.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010): You've been given some great advice, so I will not tell you to pile all his crap in the yard and change the locks...
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 June 2010):
Leave. That's all I have to say.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 June 2010):
 Damn. I try so hard not to be judgemental. I try so hard not to be sarcastic or snippy. After all we Aunts are here to help you posters,not to reproach you or to make fun of you.
But let me say that people like you makes it very hard to mantain this neutral stand.
Honestly honey, what do you expect us to say ?
What can we say ?
" Oh sure,you have to stay with him, you have to make sure that he takes advantage of you some more and that he bleeds you dry. Please keep supporting this thief and parassite,and let him use you as much as he can ".
You don't expect any of us to say that,right ?
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (6 June 2010):
 I want you to look in a mirror and see if you have the words 'welcome' marked on your forehead. Sorry to be blunt but someone obviously needs to tell you that there is a difference between being a supportive aid to someone and their doormat to walk on as they please. Your 'boyfriend' (I use the term lightly) is a leech and a scrounger who takes from anyone he can. However, you cannot really blame him for his ways because you are letting him use you time and time again. It is not just that he gets you to buy him cigarettes and phones, he steals from you with your credit cards and from your purse. The act of stealing means he has absolutely no respect for you whatsoever and will do anything to get money. There is no respect because you keep accepting him back so he knows he can do pretty much anything he likes to you and you just accept it. This is a very bad relationship dynamic to be in. Imagine you have kids with this man and he starts taking their stuff down the local cashconverter when he fancies a pint. Being single and richer has got to be better than being with a loser you cannot trust who will never contribute anything to your future. If you cannot break up with him, invent a financial crisis and ask him for money to help you...you will never see him again.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010): You know what to do. Leave !!!!. The question is why have you not done that sooner?
...............................
|
