A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need help!! Ive recently become intensely attracted to someone ive known for several years, but this is not where my problem lies. The issue is that this man is not text-book attractive. He's in his 30's, roughly five-ten, incredibly thin, and has a deep scar on the left side of his face (due to a car accident in his teens). Now, for me it doesnt change the way i feel about him, i am by no means shallow/superficial. But my friends are telling me that he is "ugly" and that I could do so much better. They are repeadedly telling me that "they couldnt be paid enough to be seen with him in public/it would be humiliating to date someone who looked like him". Its as if they are trying to talk me out of liking him. Its frustrating. This man has a fantastic personality and we get along famously, even better than some of my past relationships (where physical attraction was what held us together). I enjoy talking with him and consider him a true friend (we are very much alike), hense the reason ive fallen for him. I dont know what to do, should I pursue a relationship with him? Do I go against the will of my friends and will this create hostility? Any advice? Please!!
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, gaelicgurl2479  +, writes (7 October 2007):
 Well, let's put it this way, would you rather be with someone you could live with your whole life, or someone who's only gonna look good for a decade or two?
Good Luck, and God Bless,
Kat
A
male
reader, rrbrian222 +, writes (2 September 2007):
It seems really clear to me that you found a great guy... go for it! I'm 34 and recently met a very special 21 year old woman. I'm a hardworking, devoted, sensitive guy who would have given this girl my all....I only wish she felt the same way about me as you do about your guy. I can't tell you how lucky you are to have the choice to be with the guy that you adore. I envy you so much, and wish you all the best!
...............................
A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (1 September 2007):
 Tell your friends that. Your are old enough to make your own choices being 21, so they should support whatever you decide. Hopefully they will open their eyes further than just looking at what he looks like and see he isn't a loser. He's actually a hard working, sweet guy.
Good luck!
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso ive read all of your comments and appreciate the positive feedback! i realize that i should go with my heart on this one but i just need a little reassurance knowing that i wasnt getting any from my firends! i have only a handfull of close friends and not all of them are shallow but those who are, are really outspoken about their opinions. I tend to be really passive so I have a hard time standing up to them. I am also the youngest (21) in the group (22-35) so therefore they think i require their constant guidance. A couple of them believe that you should never date a "friend" and I have no idea why this is. The guy whom I care for isnt insanely wealthy, doesnt drive an expensive car, nor does he value material possesions and i like that about him. My friends are all dating/married to wealthy men and consider him to be a loser. He goes to work 5 days a week without fail, is independent and supports himself just fine. He works hard for what he has and I can relate to that in every way. Ugh, all i want is a little support on their part...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): Hey I am 16 almost 17 and I am very attracted to a 37 year old. I don't know why we just both seem to get on very well and have so much in common, I see him all the time but we are just friends and I think my mum would go crazy if anything did happen between us I was just wondering if you could help me??
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): come on, you know the answer to this one. your friends are being shallow and stupid. if he would make you happy go for it. its your life not theirs
...............................
A
female
reader, towapa +, writes (31 August 2007):
 They should be happy for you. They think they're trying to look out for you, but in a way they are trying to control you, as well. I think you should go for this relationship, and as long as you're happy, then your friends shouldn't really bother at all.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): I was friends with my b.f. now for 6 yrs. before we got together. He isn't textbook attractive either by any means. My friends have said that they think he's ugly, but they never said not to date him b/c of that. I think your friends are really rude & even if that is the way they think, they need to keep that to themselve's. I know how you feel, when you get along & have a lot in common with a guy friend, you tend to not care what he looks like b/c you fall in love with who they are as a person. I think you need to fallow your heart here. You can date a guy who is hot in the eyes if your friends, but I doubt he'll be anywhere near as good for you as this guy friend you're in love with. And it's good to start off as friends, that way there are no unreasonable expectations from each other. You know his faults & he knows yours. It is a good way to be if you're looking for a long term commitment. Don't worry about what your friends say. If they are real friends they'd support your decision. It's not as if the guy is a drug dealer or anything, he is just not attractive..to them. What business is it of theirs?
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (31 August 2007):
 The only thing that matters here is how you feel about this guy, what your mates think and say is irrelevant. If he was some loser who was taking you for a ride then i could understand your mates may have a point. But to turn you off of him because they don't think he is attractive enough is just shallow.
If in your heart of heart you feel he is right for you then persue this relationship. In time your friends may come round. Who knows, in time they may even come to like him and realise there is more to life than outside appearances.
Take care
...............................
A
female
reader, penta +, writes (31 August 2007):
 You have extremely shallow friends. I think you're better with him than with them. (I'd be more concerned with your age difference, personally, but sometimes that works out.) If they harass you about dating him, cut them loose. You'll be better off.
Be prepared to have his back. If you can't stand up to your friends, then you don't deserve him.
I wish you both all kinds of luck and happiness.
...............................
A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (31 August 2007):
If you really like this guy and he really likes you then what your friends say shouldn't matter. So they wouldn't date him because he's "ugly"- all the better for you so you can make a play for him. If your friends fall out with over a guy then they can't respect you much as a mate.
I dated a guy a few years back (who was a complete bum by the way so my mates were right. He scabbed money and stuff.) and my mates were very anti him, for the right reasons. He didnt treat me with respect, spent all my money etc.
You seem to really like this guy so go for it. Tell your mates how you feel and that you want to be with him. They can either take it or leave it from that. If they were true mates they would want to see you happy surely?
xxxxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, 88jane +, writes (31 August 2007):
 ok sweetheart now i personally think you should absolutely pursue a relationship with this man if you feel about him the way you do!!! your friends are obviously a lot more shallow than you and they base their lives around attravtiveness! and as you know beauty is on the inside!! theres no point going after a stunningly attractive guy if he is a complete idiot and treats you bad!! go after someone based on their personality--that is the thing that will hold the relationship together!!!
dont let your friends put you off being with a man who could possibly be your soul mate just because they dont think he is attractive! they will just have to get used to it!!
Go for it hunny, and good luck!!!
xxxx
...............................
|
