A
female
age
36-40,
*averbaby_1988
writes:Im 19 and my fiance is 26. for some reason i feel like i'm wasting my time! we have been together 9 months and have known each other 4 months before we got together. i have kinda moved in with him and his dad and sister. because of the hassle we decided to look for a place of our own and to get a mortgage. I have been looking for a house for a few weeks and have been trying to get as mortgage sorted which i finally did yesterday. i didnt realise how stressful this can actually be. im saving up money in my savings account but i mentioned to the other half that ill be buying a laptop for £150 which i wont get another offer like that anywhere else. he started to flip the lid saying that hes not gna get a mortgage with sumone who spends all the time and said that its pointless in gettin a laptop. unfortunately he buys beer almost every day which works out at £170 per month that hes spending on booze which does annoy me specially when he decides to buy ecstasy too. all i want is a laptop for a meazly £150. i have viewings for a few houses lined up and now hes refusing to view them. all im trying to do is to sort out our future and yes i have been stressed because of this. our dream home is just around the corner with a mortgage sorted which took me ages because of my credit history.. we have had a couple of rows due to me wanting to buy a laptop. i just think its pathetic just because hes got about a grand saved up and hes slagging me about me saving up money! i seriously do feel as though im wasting my time. i dont want to finish with him but i have been so stressed lately i fear i would finish with him and not realise what i have done. it doesnt help when he listens to other people about our situation. His sister slags us off his dad moans all the time. this is why i just want a place of our own. i'm worried that watever has been going on is going to send me to depression. im stressed up to my eyeballs and i just dont know what to do!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2007): 1/ You each clearly want entirely different things out of life.2/ He is completely insensitive to your needs.3/ He's a loser!What are you doing with this person? Dump him and find a grown up to spend your life with.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): This guy really needs a kick in the pants.
A one off payment of £150 for a laptop, is not comparable with 12 x £170 for drink. Also the extra cash on drugs.
You dont say why you moved in with him, can you move back home?
My advice would be to blow this guy out of the water.
Move home, save your money for a house. Make him do some running, if he's not willing to put the effort in - then he's not worth the effort you spend on him.
You sound like you are sorted, just stressed about being dumped. He doesnt sound much like a catch.
He's 26 and living with his sister and dad? IS this so he can save up for a house, or because it means he can treat it like a hotel?
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A
male
reader, AndreC.  +, writes (13 July 2007):
 You should get out of that relationship...Drugs and alchol dnt mix there is going to be alotof problems to come
Any questions msg me take care hun
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A
female
reader, LynstHolin  +, writes (13 July 2007):
Buying a home together at this point would be a mistake. Your fiance may be seven years older than you, but you are the mature one. Do you really want to be saddled with a 26 year old little boy? Yuck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007):
Listen to your gut feeling, it certainly seems to be telling you that there is not something quite right about moving in together.
The thing is, you can't really change a person, you have to either accept them how they are, or you choose not to accept them. I don't think it is really a good sign at all that he looses his temper so quickly, over something that isn't really much of his business.
Nor that he has not all moody and now refuses to look at properties with you. Saving up and moving in together should be a good experience, not one that starts arguments.
He also has a dependency on alcohol, and using ecstasy shows that the last thing he is ready for in his life is the commitment of a full-time relationship and a mortgage. He just doesn't seem ready for all that.
Listen to that gut feeling, it is there to protect you. People who are not emotionally mature tend to end up being the one to hurt someone in a relationship, remember that.
Also on something completely unrelated, are you going to HTID? :)
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (13 July 2007):
Your fiance is being exstremely unfair! I'm with you. Buying a laptop for 150 is nothing compared to spending 170 every money on alcohol. A laptop is an investment really, but alchol is something that is gone the next day.
You didnt say if you have brought the issue up of his spending on beer or not. Have you? If so, what did he say? If not, I suggest you do this. Ask him to give you a good reason why buying a laptop for 150 is not worth it, if he spends 170 each month on beer? I would put it to him that if expects you to not buy a laptop worth 150, then he should go without beer, or atleast cut down A LOT. See what he says to that.
I can understand how this is very stressful for you, I would be too and its a horrible situation to be in, your finance doesnt seem to be looking at things from your point of view at all.
Overall, my advice to you is to def bring up the alcohol issue if not already done so, and if you have, bring it up againt until he gets the point. Not only discuss that its not fair that he expects you to not buy a laptop for 150 and he spends 170 per month on beer, but also that that just in general anoys you, even if you were to finaly get your laptop.
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