A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:ok, porn and sex question folks. my husband of 9 months and i generally have a decent sex life. we're pretty experimental and i'm the vocal, very enthusiastic type who actually REALLY likes having "porn" type sex. i'm fairly kinky, and he DOES mention that he thinks my high libido is "great!" all well and good. i am the one with the more consistent sex drive, and initiate more than half the time. i think that's cause i'm just beating him to the punch. now, for the porn. he was single for awhile before we got together, and got into the habit of porn viewing. i think it got out of hand (sorry) and he developed a compulsion. we moved in together, and lived together for awhile. i didn't realize the extent of his viewing and collection tho until we got married. i came home from the honeymoon a few days later than him and found the days after our wedding, he's spent days looking at porn, and even paid for it. i was destroyed. the day after our wedding. and for several days after too. our sex life had been pretty lackluster around that time anyway, he was just barely giving me lazy sex. no creativity, no zing. kind of rote and mechanical. i was just gone for two weeks. i found hundreds of images in the cache (a hidden cache, he cleaned up his history in an attempt to hide it) we had agreed that he would no longer view porn while i was in residence, only as a relief tool from when i was gone. i saw that every day i was gone, he spent over an hour, sometimes three times per day, looking at porn. i feel this is excessive. what about you guys? opinions? advice? comments? i just don't get it. some looking, maybe 15 minutes or so, a few times a month, i could just dimiss. but this much? let me know your thoughts cause i've lost alot of respect for his lack of control and am falling out of love over this.
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libido, moved in, porn, sex drive, sex life, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): hey guys. thanks for the great answers. first comment, i did try to enjoy with him, we did it a few times, but the truth is,it's boring, and he just watches the porn and i do things to him. fine, but boring. no, it's a solo thing, and not even for full gratification. he agreed that he goes on binges. he's made adjustments to the computer to make it hard to do, and has said he's going to prove that he doesn't need it. says it's not more important than me. see, the thing is, all i wanted was for him to exercise moderation. he was unable to do this apparently. i could have dealt with a small amount. he just binges. so, we've talked, he's acted, and we'll see what happens.
A
female
reader, Unique1 +, writes (13 July 2007):
Hey... well well i had a similar problem and honestly understand how hurt you might be. You have to have serious talk to him. I guess i would understand if you two were doing the long distance relationship and he did it once a day but your married! That is way too much. I guess, every guy will once a while look at it even when they are in this loving relationship or marriage but what your guy does it way too much plus YOU JUST GOT MARRIED! He should have way more respect towards you and your feelings- now more than ever!No offense, but he might be little addicted. Just be careful though, because he can lie and tell you he stopped but he might just find another way to watch it.Overall, it is a serious thing and could eventually destroy your marriage. The sooner you take care of it-the better!
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (13 July 2007):
 why not suggest that he cut it down a bit and try and bring it into your sex life??my boyfriend is renound for having porn (he went to a boarding school!!!) and to be honest i find it pretty funny and its good cos he always has new moves!! try watching it with him he will probably jump at the idea!! but also do say it to him that it is a bit OTT and you would prefer if he cut it down - you also said that he looks at it more wen he is away, how about using the phone while you are away to spice it up and get him away from the porn?!email me if u wanna talk more about this xxx
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A
female
reader, love-him  +, writes (13 July 2007):
 Hi babe,
When i first met my boyfriend he had been single for about 4 months, and he has 156 pics on his phone and 67 videos. I got used to him being like that. After about 2 weeks of me knowing he had this much pron, i decided to get some on my phone.. as soon as i did that he said rite im deletin it.. ur all i need i dont need to look at porn. So that stopped for the last 7-8 months.. yday i saw his phone and i saw a video called '' bumming !!! '' and i asked wot it was and he tried to hide his phone but in the end i wasnt givin up so he showed it me. I started cryin ( i have an emotional problem ) and i only xcried because he said to me, i was all he needed and the day he watched porn agen was gona b it .. so i just felt like he had betrayted me.. now honestly i have nothin rong wiv it. I think if he continues to try and hide his love for porn just say, can you not just cut it down, and if anythin you watch it with him? ( i suggested to me and my b/f taht we watch it together.. he was like no i dont want to look at it, im deletin it )..
I hope i helped babe & good luck
Mail me if you would like to talk x
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