A
female
age
51-59,
*adyknight
writes:We've been together for 11 years and have a beautiful daughter together we both adore and cherish. He's a Bisexual man who has chosen a heterosexual life with me. But I fear he is missing his bi lifestyle. recently he's brought up the subjects of threesomes. He has a friend who has expressed an interest for a threesome with my husband and I, which I have refused, only to find out he has an interest in my husband. I fear this threesome is an excuse for them to have sex together. What am I to do with this? It is unlikely he will cheat. I say this because he has cheated already a year and a half ago and he is unwilling to go through that again after he has tried so hard to win me back which I didn't make it easy for him to do so. His greatest fear is losing me and his family. In saying that, why does he even bother to ask me knowing how I feel. Is it the "I'm just a guy" thing?I understand his bi sexuality. But he willingly chose to be with me knowing he will have to give up that part of his life and he has done so. Now he is missing it. What's going on in his head?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): I have a similar issue, except im the bisexual one. I have been having some issues because well, ive been dating the only guy i have ever been attracted to and it's hard sience i am more attracted to girls and have gotten many offers from girls who like me or want to expiernce what its like to be with another girl. It's hard and even though i have only been with my boyfriend a year and a half, i deny them. I could honestly see myself being with him for the rest of my life. so from my stand point i would say that if he truly loves you he will do his best to refrain from giving into his temptations. and its great that you are very understanding of his sexuality which will help him. Best Wishes!
A
female
reader, Drat001  +, writes (22 June 2011):
Rule #1 of all relationships: Do not have a relationship with any man or woman who has sex with who has sex with any person other than you--this includes them wanting to have threesomes. If he wants to have sex with someone other than you, that is unacceptable. If the subject of sex with anyone other than you ever again comes up, then it's time for him to go down, as in droping him and the relationship. You deserve someone who will love you first and love you only. If they want someone else, there's a word for that narcicism. You can't have an equal relationship with a narcicist; he/she will put you second to whatever it is that they think will make them happy, not in the long term but right at that moment. Love someone who loves you and who is happy because you are happy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011):
I hate to say this, but the fact that he already cheated means he is more - not less - likely to do it again. Stay alert and absolutely do not agree to a threesome. That he is bisexual is irrelevant. He chose you, not someone else.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (21 June 2011):
 No this is not acceptable. He shose commitment with you. It is not about him having to live without being activly bi-sexual. He chose to commit to one person. It doesn't matter whether that was a male or a female, he chose to give up the option to be with both by agreeing to marriage. He can't go back on that and have it both ways. That is incredibly selfish and disrespectful to you.
Perhaps he is realising that he is more sexually inclined towards men than he thought at the time of marrying you. Perhaps his desire for a family was so strong that he buried his preferrence to men. But this is not fair on you.
He needs to sort his head out. I suppose in one way it is good that he is open about his bi sexual desires, so he does not have this other life you are unaware of. You must be true to yourself. What do YOU want from this situation. If it is most important you stay as a family unit, and you feel you could live with him exploring his male fantasies in a controlled way, perhaps an open relationship is the answer. You must be 100% certain, however, that this is what you want. As these scenarios can get very complicated. By exploring sex with other men, this could confirm to him his sexual preference for men, which could lead to the end of your relationship, or at least, your sexual relationship.
The other options are that you talk to him about how you feel, and ask that he do what he agreed to do when he married you and commit fully to you in mind and body. Tell him how upsetting it is for you that he is seriously considering extra marital sex, although you are glad he is being open at least.
And finally, leave him. If his desire for sexual relations with men is so strong that he is willing to hurt you and risk losing you, walk away. I know you have a child to think about, but if he is unable to let go of his desires to sleep around, this issue will continue to come up. It is not fair on you, or your child. For one thing, if he did cheat and is considering ways to do this again, he is risking bringing sexual diseases to your door. You do not deserve this. It is my belief that marriage is for people who seriously are mature and mindful enough to fully commit to one person. It is for people who want to do this. There are no circumstances that make it acceptable for a married person to be "allowed" sex with other people outside of that marriage, not even if it is not with someone of the same gender as the spouse. Cheating is cheating. He should not have married you if he had doubt in his mind. I am sorry for your situation, and I hope he wakes up and realises what is more important.
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A
male
reader, King of Boxing  +, writes (21 June 2011):
No disrespect but its either he respects ur marriage, and you and your daughter there is no question about it, and just tell him not to see his homosexual friend anymore, bring up your daughter, I find it really messed up that hes even suggesting a three way with u "his wife" with another guy, if he can't respect himself that's one thing but when it comes to respecting u make sure there's no playing around with it
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): You guys are MARRIED. If he were asking to sleep with another woman, would that not be completly out of the question? I have a feeling it would. Its great that you understand and accept your husband but think of the consequences to a threesome. It might affect and change your relationship forever. And who's to say he wont want another threesome with a different guy years down the line? A man will only do to you what you let him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): If you decide to go through with this threesome you'd better take popcorn with you, if you know what i'm saying...
Just say NO.
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A
female
reader, hopeFUL_romantic_13  +, writes (21 June 2011):
I'm on the same page with eyeswideopen. If he feels that he he is 'missing something', he should not have settled down. When someone weds another, they are promising total commitment to one another. He married you so you has to be committed to you and only you. Perhaps seeking marriage counseling will help but most likely not. If he cheated on you once, he may cheat on you again out of stupidity, despite his fear. If you don't talk to him about this, he may give into that questioning desire once again. Sit down with him and politely tell him to get his head on straight.
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A
male
reader, freeme +, writes (21 June 2011):
 I agree with your assessment. He is looking for ways to fulfill his sexual desires, and include you in the process. It's actually a back handed compliment. He is concerned about you and your feelings and looking for a solution to his problem.
He probably has had private fantasies about fulfilling this side of his sexuality and now he is trying to live them out.
I would guess all married men have sexual fantasies that include people other than their wives. At least 40 to 50% of them, reportedly, do not act on them.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 June 2011):
 Don't buy that "I'm just a guy" thing. It's a load of crap. He's married and that means forsaking ALL others, whether they have a penis or not...matters not. If he can't control himself then he should not be married.
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