A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Any kind person please help. I have been with my boyfriend for a few years and the problem is that we have went through soo much, he treated me badly (aggressive, inpatient, etc) and i really lost my confidence. He wants to marry me,but i dont think I want to. I do love him somehow, I like being around him, but when he is not around, i feel free and i feel I can be myself. i am bored a bit too, because every night we go to bed, either watch tv or read a book. I can imagine that 20 years from now on, not now, when I am only 23. he is 14 years older than me, he has kids, whom I really love. But i want to get out, see the world, meet new people, instead of reading a book at night.we never talk about anything really, cant remember the longest converstaion we ever had. Do you think we are just simply not compatible?? he is a nice person, but I dont think he knows who I am. What should i do? I just want to explore the world and be myself, but I cannot do either of them while i am with him. I got used to living with him, coming home, etc. Do I really love him or am i just being scared of moving on? I dont want to hurt him again, as i left him before. dont know what to do. maybe it is normal to doubt, isn't it??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 Why settle for this guy?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): Go off travelling while you are young and free of responsiblities. You will regret it if you don't. You love him but not enough it seems to me. You have doubts and are not ready for a cozy, settled life. You have to shift outside your comfort zone. Don't just settle for life, go out and get it.
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A
male
reader, Snowshoe  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 "When He's not around I feel free" Honestly I think you know the answer. I don't mean to sound glib because I know how our hearts can muddy things. Speak with him maybe. But if you don't feel like you are at your best with him and that he brings out your best. You have then answered your question.
Good Luck
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (1 February 2011):
 Yeah, doubts like this are normal. Really, you should talk to him about what you want. What you want matters. If he dismisses your feelings, then that's not a partnership, it's a dictatorship, and that's not the way to be.
I would say that you do love him, but love doesn't always mean you should be in a relationship either. Compatibility is important, and this may be a case of you not being compatible, but it may also just be a case of a communication break down. Because of this, your first step is to decide what you want to get out of your life and your relationship. Then you need to talk to your boyfriend about that. Depending on how he responds, will determine what you should do going forward.
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