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He is a lot younger than me ... I am stupid!

Tagged as: Age differences, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 January 2011) 11 Answers - (Newest, 4 January 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hello

I have a problem and I feel so stupid! I am 27 years old and have slept with a 19 year old! He was asking me for my number etc I kept telling him I was too old for him,(even though I was extremely attracted to him and he acts a lot older) he lied at first told me he was 20 then admitted he was 19 but is nearly 20 and that age doesn't matter to him. He was very persistant but I was adamant ..... oh dear until I had a drink and we ended up in bed together. I feel very ashamed of myself as I should be acting my age. But the problem is I actually have feelings for this guy. Clearly I shouldn't have jumped into bed with him and I completely take the blame and know nothing will happen as a result from this. But is it wrong to have feelings for someone of that age?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011):

Well to be honest, if u truly have feelings for this guy and both ur feelings ate mutual, really u shouldn't let go.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011):

most of my men friends have been many years younger so what enjoy life its not a dress rehearsal 8 years is nothing mine have been many years younger many and ive enjoyed myself

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

oh gosh guys thank you you have made me feel so much better! I have felt awful for a couple of days! Thank you!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011):

"I had a drink and..."

This is the problem.

You really need to think about it.

Take this very seriously, and forget everything that you though/think you know about alcohol and "responsible drinking".

http://www.lanarkleedsaa.org/pages/aboutaa/are_you_an_alcoholic.htm

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A male reader, foolishsage United States +, writes (4 January 2011):

foolishsage agony auntWhy would it be wrong to have feelings for someone younger?

The only thing that you want to be aware of though, is that the "typical" mindset of a 19 yr old is going to be considerably different than that of someone your own age and that they will often have a lot less life experience than you (unless you are very sheltered).

Nothing wrong with it - just know what you're getting yourself into and be aware of it before you decide on making it any more than a 1-nighter.

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A male reader, doublejack United States +, writes (4 January 2011):

This is quite similar to the situation I was in with my ex-wife. She was 26 and I was 21 when we first met. My experience says that you can enjoy this relationship and have some fun for a while, but it is unlikely to last in the long run. An older man with a younger woman tends to work out better than the other way around (though there are certainly exceptions)

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A male reader, alex74 United States +, writes (4 January 2011):

alex74 agony aunt8 years is nothing. If it bothers you that he is still a teenager, time will quickly remedy that.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011):

My husband and I are 8 years apart. Age is a relative thing.

If you like him why not?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011):

Hi. Dont worry, at least you are both adults !. Ok, i know he is only an adult just about, but you havent done anything wrong !. And age gaps dont matter as long as you are both over the age of consent. If you like him, i think you should make a go of it, if you want to see him again. Good luck whatever happens !.

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A female reader, almc Canada +, writes (4 January 2011):

Naw! Its just a number it doesn't matter!! You should go out with him again, get. His number and see where things go!! Plus I think it could be fun :) goood luck.

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A male reader, Welsh Uncle Dave United Kingdom +, writes (4 January 2011):

I wouldn't say it is wrong to have feelings for him. Seven years is a reasonable age gap, more so as he is 19 and still young, and will probably want to have more fun.

You have said you know nothing will happen from this and if that is your feeling, you have to act by it.

The question is once you had a drink, you gave in, will that happen again then next time you have a drink?

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