| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I can't let go of this abusive, horrible man. He has such a hold on me! I love him a lot, I don't why but I love him so deeply and I just can't let go. If he apologizes and wants me back, I just can't seem to resist. I still see more pros than cons in staying with him, but he treats me so badly! He is very controlling and jealous, and constantly calls me "slut" because of my past. Funny thing is I have been nothing but faithful while being with him, yet he still feels he has a right to know my every move because as a slut I can't be trusted. I tell him I no longer behave like I did when I was single, but he insists with the fact that I'm a slut and not trustworthy. However when I want to know where he's going or whatever, he won't tell me he says I don't have a right to know and that I just have to trust him because he's never done anything bad. I hate being in this relationship, but I just can't seem to let go of him... I'm always thinking about him, and if he breaks up with me, I can't help but call him and ask him a million questions and if he doesn't answer I get so anxious! I always think that he'll go and have sex with anyone just because he doesn't care about me when he breaks up with me. I don't know what to do I feel so crazy.... but we have so much in common, and I can't let go. I feel awful. I don't trust him either. I'm miserable. Especially since Valentine's is next weekend :( I just want to be loved and cherished, I want to be someone who shares a lot with me... in the beginning he seemed like that but then he changed and now I don't know how to get over him.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rolfen  +, writes (22 September 2010):
 Only you know whether you should stay or not. Don't let any idiot tell you that your brain is half-baked and that they should decide at your place.
A
female
reader, texas_gal  +, writes (6 February 2010):
You are very young. The areas of your brain that control major decision-making, evaluating the environment, planning, and other "executive" functions won't be fully developed for another 4-7 yrs. Please don't let your brain get stuck in your present way of thinking and present experience! Break out before it's too late!
First thing to do is to find a resource & crisis center, battered womes's shelter, abuse hotline or whatever such help is called in your area. If you can't find one ask your doctor or nurse for a referral. Ask at your church too.
He will not change, he will surely get worse. Get out now! It is characteristic of abusers to sweep a a woman off her feet, be very romantic and loving at first, be a knight in shining armor. This creates a very strong bond which is then difficult to break. It all has to do with hormones, neurotransmitters, and brain imprinting. It takes a rational, concerted effort to heal the brain and the emotions. It is difficult, but you must. You know it. It is never easy and you need help to do it because you just don't know how. Who ever does on one's own? Better to get help, get a jump start and begin to speed heal rather than drag it out floundering like a fish out of water. Because this man is surely sucking the life out of you and may leave you high and dry anyway.
Make as much of a commitment to your wellness and well-being as you seem to have made to this jerk. You deserve better than him. You can do a lot better. You will someday find someone healthy to love you in a healthy way
Good luck and God bless you
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A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (6 February 2010):
 You need to get out of such a relationship where the man does not respect and controls you. You sound like every other woman who is in an abusive relationship - you don't want to leave because either a) you don't want to be alone, or b) you're afraid leaving him, he'll then stalk you or won't leave you alone. If it's the latter, get the police involved. But you definitely need to get out of this relationship; it is not healthy for you and you will be better in the long run.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 February 2010):
 You can't let go of him because early on he got inside your head and programmed you into believing that he is your god, and you are nothing without him. What sociopaths do is they praise you like a goddess to keep you hooked, then devalue you like a whore when you deviate from his impossible expectations. The only pro staying with him is you learn a lesson from abnormal psychology 101, all for free. There must be a reason why you are attracted to abusers. Do some soul searching. Are you addicted to drama? Do you believe real love involves extremely possessiveness and jealousy? Can you not make decisions for yourself and need someone else to live your life? One day you will let go of him. Let's hope that day's not your boyfriend getting arrested by the police.
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