A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Theres a guy who I've been friendly with for a year now since we first started College. For the past 2 months, we've started to get closer in general. Hes bought me lunch, drinks, he's sorted things out for me, we've hugged, snuggled up watching TV, he's kissed my head and given me a peck on the lips a few times. Just things like that. We talk quite alot, and we're always texting. As we're coming closer to Valentines Day, the more I'm starting to hope he doesn't ask me out. I really like him, look forward to seeing and talking to him... but the thing is, I really don't know if I can see myself going out with him. I know I'd be jealous if he liked anyone else, or started to go out with anyone.. but I don't know, theres just something I'm not sure about in terms of a relationship with him, but I haven't got a clue what it is. I know I probably havent helped the situation as I've let him do everything (hes the one whos intiated it all), so probably lead him on to think something might happen. If he asks me out, I just don't know what I'd say.. I cant exactly go "No, I cant go out with you" and when he asks me why say "I don't know what it is.. but I just cant". I'd feel awful, and its not exactly nice. He won't have a clue whats been going on. I still have feelings for my first love (split up 5 years ago now when he went to college), and since moving, I only live about 40 minutes away from him, as much as I'd love someting to happen, I know it never will, but I guess you never really forget them eh?! I've gone out with 2 guys since him, and I haven't had a problem with going out with them, so he cant be the problem (which I thought it might be at first). If I just knew what the reason was as to why I don't want to be romantically involved with this guy it would be so much easier, its just something Im not sure about and cant put my finger on. Over the past year we've got to know eachother really well, I always went to him for advice, and he's kinda been my rock since coming to College. He's helped me out when I've missed home, and we've had a few laughs along the way. I've probably got on the best with him in our friendship group of 10 than anyone else, I see him as a really good friend, but yet still abit more than a friend, but not. I know, I'm as confused as you are probably reading this. I can see him being a great boyfriend, caring, loyal, trusting.. etc etc. Theres just something thats stopping me. Perhaps its because Im so used to being single, uncommited, flirting with whoever I want.. but I have wanted a boyfriend for a while, so why Im having such a problem with something happening with this guy I dont know. I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas as to what might be my problem with going out with him?Shall I start to distance myself until I can decide what I want?Just, if anyone could help me out with the whole thing it'd be much appreciated. I'm so confused right now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): Well it sounds like ur in a very akward position. He seems like he tries hard to make u happy, so I think it's only fair you give him the chance to show u what a great boyfriend he could be. He seems very nice so just try to open up to hm. It helps me if I pretend that it's my bf and listen to my reactions. Best of luck!!!!!
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 February 2010):
 If he is a cupid member he would probably be asking why you are seeing him as a friend and nothing more. One thing that's missing is the excitement of the chase, and the sexual tension. He doesn't want to look like a jerk but at the same time you want him to be crazy about you as a woman. Don't worry unless he's gay the real man will come out of him if you let him. You would probably be disappointed if he didn't ask you out on Valentine's Day. He might surprise you. Real love is actually very peaceful. You don't need all that drama to make you feel alive. He has good qualities so don't let him go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): sounds to me like he's sort of mr. nice guy and IF he is going about courting you, he's doing it in such an asexual manner that i bet he thinks as respectful but is really giving you this idea that he is not a right match for you because even though he is acting as provider, he is not proving himself as a lover-his passivity is working against him, it's a turn off, and it makes you think there are people that will fight for you more than this guy. he's been volunteering to help you out when you're not even on the level that requires that, so it's coming off more as like, mentor like or family-like instead of lover-like. you like the attention and his paying for your drinks and stuff-if he's gonna do it without thinking, it's easy to take advantage- but he's never backed it up with any indication of sexual interest/lust/flirtation/physical moves (i don't count kisses on heads). because he's established himself as more of a sugar daddy type person than a lover, there is no seed there planted there for you think anything romantic will come of it, so you're kind of getting weirded out by the prospect that things might take a turn for the romantic. If you can't see anything but friendship coming out of this relationship, let him know now before he goes out on an awkward limb on v-day.
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