A
female
age
36-40,
*ady_london
writes:Sorry this is long, its just i really need advice:My bf and I had been together nearly 2 years and we lived together for a year and half. Exactly 6 months ago he had to move bk to the US from UK and ended up getting a job in Aspen. Everything was fantastic with communication over long distance and we had already made plans for me to come to Florida and work and live together again once he finished working in Aspen. About 5 months ago things started to get distant and i ended up doing most of the chasing, calling and he kept apologising as he said he was working but by the looks on FB he was mostly partying hard. After a month i had enough of being distant so we spoke and he said he loved me so so much and doesnt wanna lose me but he loves Aspen as its so vain like him. I felt like i didnt know him anymore. he sounded arrogant. We spoke an hour bout this and he still said "i love you and miss the smell of ur hair and ur skin" and this hard for him and suddenly he said he decided a break would help make his decision on whether this will work out. so i emailed him straight after and said "i would compromise for him and come to Aspen coz we love eachother bla bla bla" he never emailed me that week and GUESS WHAT we share bank accounts so i have his email password so me being all of a sudden feeling, a gut instinct saying somethings up, i checked his email and saw this girl emailed him saying "baby, you are amazing, i love the way u kiss me and being with you feels so comfortable......i think i am in love with you". I WAS SO HURT, all i could do was block him on FB and delete our friendship and delete all our pics. I didnt want to send anything to him coz i tried so hard before. I think he still doesn't know i know. The weird thing is this girl he is cheatin me on with "xmiena" wrote so many comments about me on his profile saying "you have a beautiful gf"..............i feel like i cant trust men. Apparently my friend has told me that she saw on his FB, that they were in a relationship and one of them travelled to see the other BUT he dumped her after one month coz she lived in Chilli. WTF. Why couldn't he phone me???? and tell me????!!!! I am 25 and he is 22.My question is........did i do the right thing by blocking him on facebook? I did it coz i thought he would call so i could tell him i knew he was cheating and i blocked him coz i tried so much b4 and got nothing!!!!
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a break, facebook, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (14 September 2009):
 Lady London, I think he was the loser here. It seems to me that he had a woman that was willing to wait for him, supported his decisions, and was ready to relocate to another country to be with him. That says a lot.
If he can't man up to sending you an apology or showing at least some form of respect, then its best you learned early what his true character is. At least you are home and not stranded somewhere because of him.
From what I see, any guy who has two brain cells sparked together would be happy to be with a woman as devoted as you were to him. Its rare to find someone with your qualities and so don't treat yourself as if you've been used. You have a great deal more value as a woman than he will ever have as a man.
I think at one time he probably had genuine feelings for you, but whatever it is that happened in Aspen, its his fault not yours.
I can't feel any sympathy for a man who makes no efforts to keep you happy and secure; and pay attention to you the way you deserve.
As they say, he's the bastard.
I would not try and contact him anymore. Any attention that you give him from now on is completely undeserved. He abandoned you and that says a great deal of who he really is.
A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (14 September 2009):
 Yes you did the right thing but he needs to know why. You need to contact him and tell him that it is over.
Then cut contact, avoid him, get over him, and find a guy worth your time.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, lady_london +, writes (14 September 2009):
lady_london is verified as being by the original poster of the question hey softtouchmale2003 thank you for your msg. I stopped emailin him and blocked him after i saw he was cheating and now that was 5 months ago and no contact still, he has my no. it was so hurtful and disrespectful of him. I will never get bk with him but i just wanted him to call me and say he was sorry and why he cheated but he hasn't. i feel so used. He only cheated with this girl one month and then dumped her......
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (14 September 2009):
Too many people lead online relationships. Distance is a hassle for everyone involved.
I am so sorry for what you've gone through. In some cases distance makes the heart grow fonder; in other cases it just makes guys distant.
This is the point where you have to accept reality and confront him over it without telling him you spied on his email, or simply leave him and wait and see.
Because he's over there and you're where you're at, its hard to personally confront him and find out what he's been up to. So he feels confident that he can hide behind email and cell phones and facebook and basically avoid you.
I could go into a number of explanations, but if he's neglecting you, then you only have two choices.
At this stage, he's decided to avoid you. Maybe if you stop trying to contact him, he'll get the message that you're giving up on him.
Give it about 30 days of no contact. If he starts wondering what happened to you, then that means you've got a chance.
But again, since you know he's been with someone else, you've got to be prepared to accept that fact and try and work through it with him.
Either way, you're in a very difficult situation and should try and look into your heart and decide whether he's worth pursuing or not.
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A
male
reader, Omegahero09 +, writes (14 September 2009):
 I think you did. From the looks of it, he has changed. Alot. Which is awful and it pains me to read this, because what he did was so selfish, and weak, especially because he kept it all to himself and didn't tell you out and out that he was filling it slip- or whatever the heck is going on inside him.I'd say You're fine. Thats tough and if I were you, the only reason I'd even stick around him would be to figure out WHY. Keep your heart guarded, and work with your friends on FB to see what up. From there you can figure out if he is worth your time- or not.Much luck-Hero
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