| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello,My boyfriend broke up with me. He says it's for good this time (we've broken up before). Basically, he had issues with my past, I have low self esteem, he had trust issues (because of my past and because I never gave him all the details... like he expected me to tell him EVERYTHING from the beginning and sometimes I left out details that were not important and then when he'd learn about them, he'd be mad and said I was always lying). I guess I had a problem opening up, because I've never opened up completely, not even with my family, and with him I was always scared of his reactions and judgements.He says I don't love him (but what does he know) because I kept hiding things from him (there were just things that I thought were no big deal, really), and I always thought of myself, never of him, so I was selfish and didn't really love him, that maybe I'm obsessed with him or too attached, but not in love. I feel like I'm in love with him, I'm just very heartbroken that it didn't work out. Sometimes I did feel like it was too hard being his girlfriend, since he expected me to always do as he wanted me to do, and I'm not a mind reader, so I'd "mess up" by doing things i thought were harmless, etc.Well, tomorrow is my birthday, and last year I already had a crap birthday (I had to go to a funeral, that should say enough!). I'm bummed and I really wanted to have a great birthday, but I feel like crap right now, I don't think I'll be better tomorrow, I love him and honestly I thought we were meant to be (he always used to say so, too... that no matter what happened, we'd be together forever). You see, we have lots in common, the biggest problem is that I never told him about my past (until he asked) and I had problems being completely open about it. I'm so heartbroken, I don't know what to do. I bet he'll start dating again, and this is a small town, so I'll know. I can't move out, I'm a poor college student, still living with my parents (because I don't have money) and I'm still like 2 years away from graduating. So yes, I'll have to deal with it, seeing him with the new girl, whereas I'm picky and I'll have a hard time getting over him, as I said I'm picky, it takes me a REALLY long time to find a guy I like enough.Happy birthday to me... :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009):
Your BF wanted answers about some things that were important to him. You repeatedly told him lies about it. And now he has lost trust in you. Is his reaction surprising?
I'm sorry your BF is pushing in areas that you don't want to reveal, but he's got the right to ask what he wants to. You don't have the right to decide what should or should not be important to him. You're not "forced" to lie to him, you are choosing to lie to him because you don't like the truth.
When he asks a question, either tell him the whole truth or tell him that you aren't going to answer it. But no more lying and misleading. This is the only way that is fair to both of you.
A
male
reader, wantmoremoney  +, writes (14 September 2009):
Don't worry yourself with worrying about him. He's tryin to be mean to you because he knows you have low self esteem. And the ONLY way to force you into telling him about your past! Don't give in! Just tell him its your past and that's where it needs to remain. If he really loves you he won't continue to pressure you and ask about your past. To make it fair ask him about his past and tell him that you will break up with him or don't want to be with him because you don't feel like he's tellin you all about his past. Or tell him you are cool with the breakup because you met a friend guy that says he doesn't want to know anything about yo past because its the RIGHT NOW that matters and you and him are right now. Its all about playin his silly childish game on him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): omg this is similar 2 what happend to me..and it was a day before my birthday too lol i just let everything out cried thought of all the answers and questions and ifs and buts in my head and got it all out of my system try that? i kind of get what you mean...i have really low self esteem too and when you say you only thought about your self and was really selfish maybe you need to think about why you love and need him so muchi think the reason why ur so upset is because he filled what you felt was missing?like you say you had low self esteem and you found some1 who treated you nice and liked you and u dont trust them u hide everything from them be defensive and they stayand then after a while when you want to open up its too late or you realise when its too late were all learning loland because you have low self esteem you believe you wont find some1 else but you will every does always now that hes left you, uve realised that oh i didnt open up and this and that but trust me weve all been there dont obesses over itjust see it has uve learnt something maybe you need to work on yourself before getting into a relationship because then you wont have these issues and i know how you feel i really do i cried and obessed for weeks i rang him and txted him constantly DONT DO THIS if you want him back lol itl push him away see i was just like you but in time you will learn things about yourself it took me years and i see how youve come to all these assuptions and you dont know if any of these have happened but its normal i did it too and thers no point me telling you too just forget about him and move on because its not that easy just dont be so hard on your self cry for as long as you want let it all out give your self time but i do think its hurt you more because its too do with your self and less about him i also thought i was going to be with mine forever that hurt the most :/ its been about a month and a bit and iam still not over him but iam not pushing myself if i want to think about him i will etc etc concentrate on gradurating because that really is more important than boys lol hope i helped take care and be calm :) xxx
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