A
male
age
,
*illsey
writes:Hi there. I need some advice I have just ended a nine year relashionship and now five months on I feel it was the biggest mistake of my life, all I do is constantly think about him and realise just how much I love him, we finished because he had an appetite for saunas and after one visit or another contracted an std and passed it on to me, for the past two years there was no sex between us as I felt dirty and loathed my self even though he had given me the std I didn't want him to touch me as I always feel dirty and in bed at night I would look at him and resent him, I left it to late to talk to him about it and bottled up my feelings and just went down hill, the last straw was when I visited my mother in hospital and then happened to read a text and he was having someone come round while I was away, so I ended it, but why do I hurt so much and still love him with all my heart, how can I get him back.? You may think I mad for wanting him back I'm not I really just love him
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male
reader, empty-1  +, writes (3 June 2012):
for the respondants (and OP if you didn't know) -
Sauna
Massage Parlor
oriental massage
sweedish health clubs
etc.
these are euphemisms for modern brothels. there was one about an hour from where I grew up, hit all the newspapers and local news shows when the FBI finally busted them up. Was pretty infamous, and just about everybody knew about it.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (2 June 2012):
 What kind of saunas did he go to that have him an STI?? I immediately thought of the saunas where people have men sex with strangers, but always assumed that was just a guy on guy thing. Are there saunas like that for heterosexuals?!
You describe: getting an STD from him; self loathing; feeling dirty; resentment towards him; and he was cheating (if that's what you meant by someone coming round while you were visiting mum in hospital).
Do you REALLY love him?
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A
female
reader, Beaniepants +, writes (2 June 2012):
 He gave you an STD!! You really buy that the sauna gave it to him?? Come on now!!He's a piece of shit. He cheated on you when you were with your mom in the hospital. Go hang with friends, make plans, get out and meet new people. I'm sure you'll eventually meet someone new, if you can quit obsessing about someone who is toxic for you.Good luck :o)
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (2 June 2012):
 HiSometimes being in love means taking all the rubbish just to hold on to a rubbish man. Your not thinking of him with rose-coloured specs, you KNOW why you ended it.Maybe its just lonliness thats making you feel this way. He sure did you no favours when with you. You didn't even feel good,he made you feel dirty and repulsed.You can only try and talk to him now, explain everything you felt that led to the break-up. He may miss you enough to change. Only you know if you can go back, IF he wants you enough to change and give it another go. But will you ever trust him enough to have a healthy relationship?
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