A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a single mother of 3 and I met a guy who seemed very sweet and loving towards my children. He was a complete gentlemen and took me out and treated me like a princess. Well, 2 months have gone by and he has become a total jerk. He made my 8 yr. old son cry because he wouldn't let him win guitar hero because he felt that he had to win by his own merit. He left for vacation without telling me and rarely calls or text me like before. He says he is struggling with his spirituality and right now his job is more important to him. I recently found out that he is a return LDS missionary but has not been too innocent with me but rather aggressive trying to get down my pants. He makes comments in front of my children about how hot I am and how lucky they are. He tells me to be patient with him that he wants to continue seeing me but wants to make sure he is what I need him to be. I am totally confused, but my gut instinct tells me he is a loser and a player. The first time my 14 yr. old daughter met him, she hated him. She told him to his face that he was a player. He told her that she was silly and a little insecure. He is keeping me in his back pocket and I need to hear it straight out what you all think of this.... Everytime I try to dump him he does something sweet and nice for either me or my children. Just tell me what I should do? I am in love with him and I am not sure how to handle this.
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female
reader, desperate_angel +, writes (30 August 2008):
 hey girl, listen to your instinct. Yes there are a lot of jerks out there but not all take note. some are really just want to use women to satisfy their sex appetite and some men are decent enough that are afraid to do a mess in women. If a guy dont have respect on you, he doesnt deserve to be respected also. He dont have a shame telling those thinhs infront of your innocent kids? what kind of person is he? if he really is human). Pleassssse dont let yourself use by this less than nothing guy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): when a man takes on a woman with children he isnt in just one relationship in your case he is in 4 new relationships 2 of which have clearly failed already. . .not a great start is it? If your children see you beeing treated like a sex object they will grow thinking this is acceptable behaviour, your son will copy it and your daughter will allow it, honey get out while you still have your sanity this is his loss not yours there is better out there for all of you, take strength from your beautiful babies and wait for someone deserving of the ready made family you have on offer. . . he is out there somewhere
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A
female
reader, kylie. +, writes (30 August 2008):
 You sound like Misty && Tyronne. This couple I know! The kids hate him..they're the same age as your kids, and they have make up and break ups! Who knows? Maybe he just does something sweet to get you back..?? ANd then goes back to his old ways?
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (30 August 2008):
 He's doing things that are sweet, and nice, because he doesn't want you to leave him. Dump him!! Any time someone has two faces... the jerk personality is the true one.
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A
female
reader, Philosopher  +, writes (30 August 2008):
Not letting your kid win at Guitar Hero does not make him a jerk. I wouldn't let a kid win at something just because they were a kid! Although he must have done something wrong if your kid cried from losing - unless your kid is used to getting things his way or a sore loser?
Anyway, leaving for vacation without telling you, rarely calling, aggressively trying to get into your pants and your gut feelings though DO indicate he is a jerk.
Of course he would do something sweet when you try to dump him - he is enjoying the relationship (or doesn't want to be dumped).
You sound as though you have given him plenty of chances, my suggestion is you give him one last chance, but on certain conditions. List the conditions. Tell him he can agree to the conditions or you will break up with him. Tell him if he breaks any of the conditions, you will break up with him and next time you will not take him back just because he does something sweet to make up for it, he has had enough chances. When he breaks one of your conditions (which he WILL do if he is a jerk and unable to change), then dump him.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (30 August 2008):
So he knows how to manipulate you and from the sound of it, it's not difficult.
I'll do something nice for you and your kids now and tell you to dump him.... DUMP HIM!!
There. But don't feel pressured to go out with me just because I was nice. I'm a bit married anyway.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (30 August 2008):
 I think your 14 year old daughter is right, he is an utter jerk.
He has no regards whatsoever about people's feelings, he made your son cry just because he wanted to win at a game. Say if you do get serious with him and his attitude gets worse, then what? This guy is not step father material for your kids, he is just inflating his own ego and acts like a child himself.
I think you should dump him and when you do eventually find a nice man, please do NOT introduce him to your children until you are 100% sure that he is going to stick around for a very long time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): I am recently divorced from my first husband. I am a single mother of 2. My first husband was a lot like that. It just seemed as though if it fit his schedule then he would be there. When I started walking away, he turned and wanted to make things right.Please know that you will burn yourself out if you stay with him. You will be searching for that love and acceptance, but will never get it. Also, please keep in mind that even though it is you that is in this relationship, remember how children are. They are like sponges. You need a man that you trust can set a good example for what a relationship or marriage should be. Teach them by your actions. Not to mention, 9 times out of 10, if your child hates him, she sees something you don't.Trust what you're heart is telling you. Make sure that you are not lacking anything within, if you are a whole person inside you won't go looking for a filler. That person will find you when you least expect it.I don't know your whole situation, but I do not regret my divorce or the man that I am divorcing. I have learned from it. I am now seeing someone who is devoted to me, is madly in love with my children, in which my children love him just as much, and he is the perfect fit to my puzzle.Trust youself hun, your heart knows best!!
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