A
female
age
30-35,
*addiebear
writes:Ok, sorry if this is really long..... its kinda hard to explain I have a friend named Nate, we have been friends for over 5 years, we have dated before for about a month but it was really ockward so we decided to remain friends. My boyfriend and I have a rocky relationship but I know how I feel for him and I know these feelings are really big, and I know he feels the same too, we just got back together because we broke up because of rumors and yeah another story. My friend was there durring every part of my break up. We got along great, he used to always come over after work and after I was done babysitting my mom loves him and she hates my boyfriend. We would hangout untill 10 pm at times, my boyfriend didnt care because he trusts me and he knows that most of my friends are guys. One day me and my friend were chillin in my room watching a movie I just got that day. And my boyfriend called to let me know his mom was really sick and she is like my mom to, while we were on the phone, Nate kept calling my boyfriend a faggot and all that, my boyfriend was really cool with my guy friends up untill that point and it really made him mad so they were talking about fighting, I felt like they were tearing me apart so I told my boyfriend I would call him back, me and Nate walked to the park and were hanging out, after a while he just dissappeared and didn't tell me where he was or anything so I got really upset because I didnt think that I was doing anything wrong. To this day I still don't. So, anyways I didn't hear from Nate untill about two weeks later when my other friend Dwane came home. Those two are insepperable. Dwane was happy for me... yada yada yada... we went out to the park after a while and I asked Nate why he hated Tyler my boyfriend and he was just like cause reasons, so Nate tells Dwane they needed to leave right after he answered that question, ok so I hugged Dwane and then went to hug Nate and he wouldn't come anywhere near me. Dwane was like "Nate why are you being a jerk?" and so I answered simply with "he has been like that latley hun." So they leave and I don't hear from any of them at all. Now school is started, Dwane and Nate don't hang out I asked Dwane why he said he didn't know. Nate has new friends, he constintly (spelling) is teasing me and my friends, so the other day I asked him what his problem was, and he said "YOU PICKED THE WRONG GUY TO BE WITH." then he walked off. Tyler is upset because he knows this is tearing me apart, I cry myself to sleep because I feel like the bad person, and either way I am going to loose someone, can someone please help me??
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female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (31 August 2008):
 Oh dear, first of all, you're NOT the bad person here. You just happen to be the middle-man, the one who would take most responsibility of these problem, the escapegoat.
Now, it's really hard to help you here because your friend Nate doesn't even want to explain his reasons, even after you have tried many times to contact them. Nobody can't tell you what's going on but him only, and he just doesn't want to do it.
So my best advise is to keep persisting, you need to find the truth about all of this and to also tell him your whole perspective of all the drama between you. I think the main problem is a misunderstanding and you two need to straighten all this out.
Now I'm going to tell you something you won't like, but it's something that happens very often. During our lifetime, we will lose people for the STUPIDIEST reasons. I remember, so very well, that I lost a person I thought was my friend only because of jealousy. She was jelous of my life, who to her was "perfect", and started hating me. I never EVER did anything wrong to her, and in fact stayed with her until I couldn't take it anymore.
Now, I'm assuming that Nate is feeling the same way. It finally hit him, his jealousy. Probably, he never aproved of your relationship of your boyfriend because of his still lingering feelings for you. He finally couldn't take it, and blamed you and Tyler for his "misery". Now, remember this is all assumption, which I got off by his last comment to you.
Now, I have to tell you that friends will come and go, even the most dear ones. I feel for you, greatly, as I have lost two friends for such misunderstandings and feeling helpless and guilty... and probably for nothing. Bu remember, that things have been done and you have tried to fix everything, it's just him that doesn't.
You could keep on persisting, like I told you before, or you could give up. To me, your chances to get through him are almost nil for now and in my vision I think it will be years later where you might be able to fix this.
I know this might not come to much help for you, but trying to make old friends come back is SO HARD because they also have to be willing to fix past misunderstandings. Anyways, good luck in your future, may the best encounter you.
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