A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i was going to get marry in july and I cancelled everything becuase i wasnt sure about getting marry and my boyfriend is always blaming me, he said that I hurted him alot. what should i do?i met my boyfriend by myspace we got engangage by the internet, iknow sounds weird, but it did happent.he says that i really hurt him by not getting marry and i feel bad. we are going to get marry in 4 months, and i dont know, i do want to, but on the same time no becuase we dont know each other that well, i really love him alot, and i dont want him to leave or do something stupid. please help??
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): Not an answer, but what's with the whole "hurted" thing? What happened to grammar? I've seen this twice so far and I've only been on 10 minutes!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): "Marry in haste and repent in leisure"... I'm sorry your boyfriend has been hurt but you have made a very good decision. You present at aged 18-21 and currently living in the USA. This is a very young age to pledge to spend the rest of your life with someone, considering you won't die untill your 80/100years old. You don't know him well enough and you are already having doubts. If he dosen't understand this, then your marriage would have had problems, because marriage is a contract between two people. No matter how he feels, you can't marry him if your not sure. We have had a lot of women on this board, crying because the no longer love their husbands because they married to young. What's the hurry. If you love each other today, you will still love each other tomorrow. Marriage dosen't make you love each other more, in fact it's an added responsability which can take the joy and romance out of relationships... Tell him you want to have an engagement of at least a year. You want to enjoy being an engaged couple first. Blaming your partner is a very bad sign, would he act like this about something else if you had married him. There is no blame her, he needs to understand that you need time to get to know him without any pressure. You need to find a way to explain that this is not about love, but you are still relatively immature and still growing and you want to spend some time enjoying life before you get busy settling down..
Unfortunately if he can't except this and understand, then maybe he's not the right person for you, because to tell the truth, marriage is hard and he will have to learn to compromise on certain things, and this is one of them. Take your time, don't be emotionally blackmailed or forced to hurry into something that you might later regret.
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