A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Most of the time my boyfriend has to work at getting an erection so we can have sex. He tells me that I turn him on but he has also told me that if he checks out another woman and is turned on by what he sees, he gets an erection quickly. Is this normal or should I be worried?
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male
reader, Robbo1989  +, writes (3 November 2008):
Hi
I'm kind of disturbed by the post of Cherripie because plenty of guys go through problems such as these especially from ages 18 to 30
Stress is one of the most difficult thing to cope with and is the easiest way to kill an erection no matter what age
And i cant believe that she can expect a guy to get an erection and would leave someone because of this problem. I have been through performance anxiety, and stress such as this and the most significant worry is just about getting an erection in the first place and this can haunt you and effect your libido and sex life.
I think you need to talk to your boyfriend and ask him whether he is nervous about having sex and whether he is worried about getting an erection in the first place. Because the mind, body and soul have to be connected to get an erection its a quite complicated and beautiful thing. If this is the problem then you should go slow with him and not pressure him into sex and just be intimate and cuddle until he feels ready and not stressed and will get an erection no problem at all
However, if he tells you he is just not attracted to you kick him in the balls and send him on his way
Good luck
A
male
reader, tux +, writes (13 March 2008):
 Well I was going to write a tirade about how he may have a problem and chances are you can fix it by helping him out. I had a similar problem where I couldn't get it up with an ex-gf but then again her idea of getting me up was insulting me and yelling at me.. but luckily my ex-gf after her made me realize I really don't have that much of a problem.. but then I saw your second post and re-read your question...
I really do not think this relationship is going anywhere. It's not normal for him to say another girl is more attractive than you. He's simply not even trying to keep you around. You need to find a guy that will treat you right and believe that you are the most attractive girl around. My guess is that he is just keeping you around until the other girl decides to date him. You need to find a more mature man who will realize there is more to a girl that how she looks on the outside. I've seen plenty of girls that look totally amazing, but once they open their mouths they became uglier than a pile of dung then their looks just degrade from there.. But well.. good luck.
~David
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (12 March 2008):
 Okay from your last posting my advice is to dump the stupid jerk.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): He is young and probably wants to play the field- he doesn't sound mature enough for a steady relationship if he's telling you that he's talking to hotter women, getting erections from them, etc. He is a little boy in a grown man's body. Kick him to the curb.My advice: look for someone slightly older- men grow up alot between the ages of 20 and 25 (well, most do, some are frat boys for life)- aim for the 25-30 age range and you'll find some hot guys who are MORE than able to satisfy a woman in bed. And they will have more respect for you than to tell you that "everyone finds someone else more attractive than the person they're with"- because thats just not true. Sure, we'll all find some people attractive, but if the one you're with isn't THE MOST attractive in your eyes then you have to ask yourself why you are settling? I am speaking as a 20 year old woman in a great relationship with a 28 year old man- we've been dating for about a year, and it's such a HUGE change from my previous man (who was 21), the maturity level and the competence in bed... it's amazing! Trade up, get a man that will make you feel beautiful and desirable like you deserve!
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A
female
reader, Cherriepie +, writes (12 March 2008):
 Oh my god girl, if he has to work at getting an erection for you he sounds like a loser. I would dump him so now. Give him a viagra and playboy and throw him away. I hate to be blunt but any guy im with better get an erection for ME or its over.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): Thank you so much for all of your advice. I tried talking to him about it but he doesn't think its a big deal that he gets turned on by other women and not so much by me. And to be even more of a jerk he also told me that he has a friend from one of his classes whom he thinks is more attractive than me which really upset me. Shouldn't I be the most attractive person in his eyes? He says its normal and that everyone thinks someone else is more attractive than the person they're with. We've been together for going on two years. Should I get rid of him and find someone else who won't treat me like crap all the time?
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Hi,
He's 21 and having problems getting an erection? Blimey, at that age I had trouble hiding my erections! Anything would set me off ( well of the nubile female variety at least )
He's just messing with you, what really is the problem here?
You need to ask him that, if he says nothing, tell him that any guy who is 21 can get it up.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Ask_Oldersister has a point. Maybe he's shoveling his problem at you. However, as eyeswideopen said, it's a little strange that a man his age would have that problem. Maybe the answer is that he has issues, but he prefers to shovel them at you?
And then I have to say that yes, he was insensitive in saying he gets an erection just by seeing other women.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 March 2008):
You don't say how old your boyfriend is but if e is in your age group it's pretty strange that he has erectile problems. He should be checked out medically. As far as his insensitive and stupid comment about other women, the oldersister is right on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): I totally agree with Ask oldersister.
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A
female
reader, Gena Bullock +, writes (11 March 2008):
 I don't know how long you two have been together, but it sounds like he has other interests. Yes, be concerned-not worried. If he won't discuss it, then it's time for you to move on to bigger and better things. A true boyfriend should only be focusing on 'you' not every other female he sees to get excited FOR YOU. I had an ex who had to look at playboy mags while we had sex in order to get an erection, as you put it. Remember, I said 'ex.' Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (11 March 2008):
Maybe you should worry. I suspect, however, that he does feel some anxiety in your respect, which is not there when he just checks someone else out. Maybe he's afraid of "failing" with you?
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