A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my girlfriend of over three years a couple weeks ago and I need some advice about what I should do now. Let me give you the background.We started dating during her senior year of high school; I am slightly older and was already in college. She went away to college at a school on the other side of the country. We talked on the phone most days and spent our summers and breaks together. During the last 6 months or so things had started to become strained. Communication in our relationship broke down. We would talk on the phone and literality have nothing to say to each other. We had lost much of our sense of closeness and did not joke around much any more. However, I was graduating in the fall and was planning on moving to be with her. Long story short I had trouble finding a job in the Podunk area her school is in and ended up deciding that I was moving there job or no job at the end of Feb. Over the month of Feb things became even more strained. We talked even less. She did not believe I would actually move, was afraid that since things were strained between us that we would break up at some point after the move, and feeling lonely. She started hanging out with this new male "friend". She did some things with him that I felt to be inappropriate and on multiple occasions did things that I felt betrayed my trust in her. The acts themselves were individually not too heinous, but I feel like she didn’t care that her actions were hurting me or respect my feelings at all. I broke up with her because of this.She seems to already moving on, less than two weeks after our three-year relationship ended, she said she was thinking about dating the "friend" I mentioned earlier. They pretty much spend all their free time together. She says she is very confused about her feeling and what she wants. My ex and I are trying to remain friends. We both still love each other, and hope that at some later date we might get back together if we are ever in the same area.I feel so hurt and confused. I am still in love with this woman. At the same time I feel extremely bitter and betrayed. I need some advice on what I should do, and some tips for moving on. I feel lost, adrift, and alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone who has responded. I am feeling better about the whole situation now. I had other stuff going on at the same time which kind of magnified my negative feelings and left me feeling particularly vulnerable.
I am feeling better about the break-up and at this point where I would most definitely not want to re-enter into a relationship with my ex and have mostly gotten over my negative feelings (hurt, anger, bitterness) for her as well.
I have gone out with a few women, but so far I have not met anyone I really clicked with.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): I have just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 and a half years as he isnt "in" love with me anymore, The first and second day i was in utter shock and devestated as the week previous to his "announcment" we were looking for an apartment and paid a holiday off. Iv found that being out with my friends who live in a different area where theres no chance of bumping into the dreaded ex whilst drunk has helped me alot, but when i went round the main night life area and knew he was there i was in bits. The best advice I have been given is too write down how your feeling everyday, and in a week when u think you have made no improvment- look back at the difference in what u have wrote about your feelings, although the difference may be small its still an inch on the road to recovery! And in time when you read back I bet you cant believe the things you wrote about your ex and cringe!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): I've been split up with my ex for two months now. We were together for three years, living together for a year and then he just upped and left. But not that far, he moved in next door. So I get to see and hear him every day!
Unfortunately, there is no quick fix to getting over an ex. But there are some things you can do to keep sane. Firstly, get closure. From what you said, it sounds like you are both trying to hang on to each other, saying how you still ove each other etc. I hate to be blunt, but if she ready to date someone else, then she isn't in love with you anymore. She is probably just trying to let you down gently.
Let her go. So for at least two weeks, DO NOT call, text, email, write or contact her in any other way. Don't take her calls/emails etc. Give your brain and heart time to get used to her not being around.
Write her a letter. Write down everything you are feeling. Be completely honest. Write about times she hurt you, times she made you laugh. BUT DON'T SEND IT. Add to it every day. Reread it when you feel strong enough. This letter is just for you. You'll be amazed how much relief you can feel just by writing down all your hurt and anger.
Lastly, don't feel forced to be over her already. If your girlfriend had (god forbid) died, people wouldn't be telling you to move on and get over her after a few weeks. All break ups need a grieving period too. Take as long as you need to miss her. Don't mope, keep going to work/school, go out with your friends when you are ready, but do it all in your own time.
It may be trite, but believe me, time is the only healer for a broken heart. Mine isn't fixed yet, but I am slowly starting to believe that one day it will be :o) x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): Hi Hunny
Breaking up is like grieving love, You go through the grieving period Im going to send you a link that I hope can help you get stronger...
http://www.menshealth.com/cda/article.do?site=MensHealth&channel=sex.relationships
Have a read and I hope this helps hunny, If you and your ex are still on speaking terms it may be easier for both of you to take a short break from talking untill you have both had time to think, It all got confussed at the end and I can see why you would be upset, you are trying to be with her, She is lonely and then this new friend comes along and it really doesnt help your situation, So just see how it goes for you for awhile try and get a little stronger and then you will be able to face anything that comes after. If you two decide to talk through this you will feel stronger to do it love I HOPE THIS HELPS TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, Shamandalie  +, writes (11 March 2008):
I am going through a very similar situation right now. It's been 2 and a half weeks and I still long for him a lot, while he seems to be nearly over me. And it's my first break up.
I cannot tell you exactly how to get over him. What some friends have told me is that I should avoid thinking about him all day. It's what I did the first week and it was really awful. I would cry all the time, even at work. Try to avoid places you visited with her. It's really painful to see those places again. And if you have friends then go out with them. I don't mean a crazy night out or nothing like that. Just do something that keeps your brain away from bringing ll the memories.
Giving advice in this site seems to help a lot too :)
Contact me if you're feeling bad.
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