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female
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anonymous
writes: im 31 year old woman who has been going out with a man for the past 9 months. he seems to hav developed cold feet since 17 december 2005. what do i do to win him back i love him deraly. he is not talking to me i feel like screaming. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, purrfectionist84 +, writes (10 January 2006):
 Although he hasn't officially broken up with you (or has he?), the relationship is over. He hasn't contacted you for nearly a month, after dating you for 9 months. Unless he is dead, there is no excuse!
My ex-boyfriend would sometimes become cold and go a month or longer without talking to me. He'd blame it on being busy, being ill, helping a friend to prepare for his wedding, etc. Looking back, I can't believe that I put up with that crap. Someone who truly cares for you should be deeply affected by going that long without any contact with you. My current boyfriend, for example, would be very upset if we didn't talk on the phone at least once a day, even if we were in the middle of a big argument.
You are affected by this, but he apparently isn't. He just doesn't care enough to put any real effort into making things work. Cold feet? Perhaps. Whatever the case, you deserve better. You should be with someone who is honest about his feelings, who chooses to tell you what is going on in his head, and who breaks up with you if need be in an appropriate manner, by telling you that things are over without just suddenly ceasing all contact. This man doesn't even have the decency, or the courage, to say, "Hey, things just aren't working out. I think we should end this."
I know that you love him, and that this is painful, but you should not waste your efforts trying to win him back. As Dawnest pointed out, he won't react to your efforts. You'd be better off expending time and energy in looking for someone else.
Good luck and best of wishes.
A
female
reader, Purple Thistle +, writes (10 January 2006):
What happened on the 17th December? - whatever it was has upset him. Leave him be for a bit and see if he finally blurts it out OR a bit of gentle coaxing - don't push too hard or he will clam up big time. Act normally and go with the flow - he will cough up eventually, I am sure of it. Difficult time for you, but if you love the guy - give him a bit of space to sort himself out.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (10 January 2006):
 Well...first I would have to ask if there is any significance to that date because you seem very specific about it. If something did happen then it is that you need to discuss.
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A
female
reader, Dawnest +, writes (10 January 2006):
My darling, I sense you raised the forbidden subject - committment and that's given him cold feet.
If he is not making contact since dec 17 then Im afraid you have no choice but to move on as this man will not react to your efforts to win him back.
Expend your energies in having a make over and going to some new places to show yourself around. You will meet someone who wants a committed relationship.
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